Managing people that don't get along

[toughtimes]

Hi people. Let me put you in context first.

 

I was living together for 10 years, with 1 kid. Nothing happened all that time, I mean my life was overflowing with nothing. Just routine, no vacations, realising there wasn't 1 picture of me, nothing. Of course this doesn't excuse me when I ended up being the complete a-hole I never thought I'd ever become and got myself in an affair.

 

Even worse, I hid it. I tried to "manage" things, at first to protect my wife, but then feelings changed and I tried for a smooth break-up. Of course this went wrong, lies kept stacking up, she got pregnant (my ex), and eventually everything came down tumbling.

 

Now I'm living at my parents' house and left everything behind, the house with everything in it and our car. Didn't bring anything with me, I'm still paying for the house and trying to earn more money so I can start over. I'm in a relationship with the girl I got involved with. I'm trying as much as I can to make it easy on my ex and the kids, but hurt as she is she isn't making the same for me. I still can't bring the baby over. I was never allowed to take her with me anywhere. She's 6mo, not breast fed. I get pissed for not being allowed that while the other day my parents took them and my ex over to my grandma's house for a visit. How ridiculous is this? I can't take my baby over to visit my grandmother and she's doing it for me.

 

Last christmas, after the break up, I got in trouble with my new gf. Each of us were going to spend xmas eve with our families. A couple of days before the date, my parents invited my ex to join us for dinner, bringing the kids (even though I told them I'd negotiate having the kids over for new year's). I had to either stay with them or leave and spend xmas alone. I stayed and hid it from my gf. I should have been honest and told her but I guess I was still under the notion that I could just hide things and pretend they didn't happen. She eventually found out and all hell broke lose.

 

I understand why she got mad. I wouldn't like to see the girl I'm with spending xmas with her ex less then a month after breaking-up. In fact I wouldn't like to see her spending xmas eve with her ex ever. It's like shoving in her face that "this" is still my family and she's not.

 

A local holiday came up this week and my mother came to me saying "I was thinking about inviting Monica (my ex) and the kids over to the carnival tomorrow". I said sure but count me out, I'm not going with her.

 

Now I just had another conversation with my mother. She told me that a month from now is my father's birthday and she plans to invite my ex. She also gave me a heads up about next xmas/new year, saying that she wants my ex to come along too. She's all "you got this new girl, she's a brat and now you're just giving in to her tantrums".

 

Is it just me that thinks it's perfectly legitimate of my gf to be pissed about me spending these ocasions with my ex? Is this giving in to "a brat's tantrums"? I mean the kids are supposed to stay with me every other of these ocasions and I certainly want them here, but does she really have to come along? I can understand that my parents don't have anything against my ex, they still have a bond and all, but isn't it too much if it means hurting the woman I'm in love with and with who I intend to rebuild my life?

 

I feel that my mom is trying to leverage me away from this girl. I'm thinking about refusing to stay if they have my ex over. After all I have plenty of reasons other then hurting my girlfriend. Reasons like her not allowing me to take the baby out for an afternoon, much less spending the night with me, while accusing me of not caring for her (the baby).

[1guygirl]

i think your mother is controlling and stirring it up in the hope you and your gf split and you get back with your ex. its quite selfish of her actually

 

its none of her f'ing business to be fair, you werent happy with your ex and your mother should respect that its over. her dissing your gf needs to be nipped in bud too...next time she tries, say firmly "i wont have you speak of her like that" and walk out

 

your gf's got a point, she feels shes been kept in the dark over the xmas do, i mean did you not say to each other you could spend the morning and then evening with each other on xmas? hindsight huh

 

as for the future xmas thing, id jus pop in, speak to your kids and dont stay...no one should be manipulated like this by anyone

 

as for your dads b'day, again, pop by, maybe take your gf, but jus speak to your dad, dont let your gf be alone with ya mom, who will use that time to shot her filfthys

 

they have to get over the fact of you and ex and accept you have a new gf and that needs respecting

[toughtimes]

Well about my dad's birthday, my gf isn't coming, but she is ok about me going alone IF my ex doesn't come. Being the girl of the affair, she's not comfortable with my family yet.

 

I think I can't prevent my parents from getting along with my ex. Besides not being my business, it's a benefit for the kids. But this is too much.