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In over my head...


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In June of '09 I was talking to two guys that I had things for. It was merely flirting but I was really into both of them. One day a HUGE bouquet of flowers came to my house from an anonymous sender and an attached poem. I knew that it had to be one of the two guys. Well both told me that they felt strongly for me around virtually the same date. The guy who sent me flowers, lets call him Joe, had recently started smoking weed and he partied a lot, while let's call the other guy Nick, was less socially inept. I ended up dating Nick but I thought about Joe for a long time after it. Joe and I stopped talking very much and he actually went on to date my best friend, Sara.


Starting on our eleven months Nick and I have been fighting a lot more and even broke up for a few days last month. I've been thinking about Joe a lot more recently and even though we don't talk much and he's dating Sarah, I miss our friendship. Joe invited me to a small get together at his house on Saturday while Sara was out of town and I went with two other girlfriends of mine. My two girlfriends left shortly after arriving and I decided to stay for a little bit longer. While I was there, Joe grabbed and held my hand for a couple minutes and whenever he would get up to go somewhere he would play with my hair... I know it's wrong in so many different ways for me to be happy by this but I was. Joe had had a few drinks in him when he did this and I wonder if that was the reason, but Nick has always suspected the Joe still liked me and I'm afraid I might have stronger feelings for Joe now than I do for Nick...



I guess I'm just confused.

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Stop right now. Assess the situation. Your friend is in a relationship with Joe, plus you're together with Nick. Joe is off limits to you. Now, if you want to get together with Joe, you need to do so ethically. Cleanly break up with Nick, wait for Joe and Sara to break up, and let Sara know that you have an interest in Joe.


You might need to just stay single for a while.

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You need to figure out why it is you like Joe and why it is you like (liked?) Nick before you do anything else. Do you like Joe just because you're fighting with Nick? Or do you like Joe because he's nice, attentive, smart etc.? It makes no sense to break up not only a relationship but also a friendship if you're confused and don't really know why or if you honestly like Joe. As for him, he doesn't sound like that great of a guy, at least not like the kind who'd take you seriously, so make sure he's worth it before you make a decision.

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