On the verge of 21

[nguyenal]

Hi

 

I am always 21 now and right now at a school trying to get into the nursing program. I have a few more prerequisite classes to take. I am hoping to apply after this upcoming semester.

 

I grew up in a strict family and I had to fight so much to get the freedom from my parents today. I always felt alone and so low of confident growing up. I did not just fight the pressure from the society but also the pressure within in myself.

 

I dated my first bf and things got better but the relationship was not good, it ended a year ago. I fell so hard after the breakup but got over it 6 months later and I met someone else, whom I dated for like a month, but yet I was so attached to him. I think I have attachment problem.

 

Now, everything is going good. I still live with my parents and they give me everything. A new car, my freedom, a great allowance, and everything else. I feel really happy with them and no longer feel restricted by them. But yet, I want to find myself. I think I am somewhat lost and I want so much. I want to success. I am so not motivated in school right now and I try to get myself into trying new things. I am thinking about going into business degree but I want to try hard to get into the nursing degree since I am so near. I am not really happy. I have been staying home for the past 2 years being in college and I am taking the initiative to move out on Sept. 01. I made some great friends but somehow, I indirectly pushed them away. Also it is hard for me to make friends living at home. I think I am scare of intimacy or something.

 

Now, life is very decent. I have almost everything. A great family and I don't need to work to support myself. I crave so much to find a really good guy to make my life more complete. Am I being too selfish? I could not find any decent guys or guys that fit my criteria also I am no longer believe in love anymore. Also this summer, I am just taking two classes and mentoring only 2-4 hrs a week. I tried to find another job but I could not get any other jobs. But that is ok. I am bored with life. I want something new and exciting. I want to go out there and let myself loose. I want a perfect bf. Also I just had another broken relationship (my second one) and I serious think there something wrong with me, that is why. I don't have a lot of friends since I feel that the people around me sometimes are not worth being friends with. A lot of them are lazy or not motivated in life. I wish to find the right crowd of friend. Am I being too judgmental?

 

What should I do in my life right now? I want to find myself and I don't want to lean against guys for happiness.

 

Please give me some advices to better my life.

[breath.o.fresh.air]

I still live with my parents and they give me everything. A new car, my freedom, a great allowance, and everything else. I feel really happy with them and no longer feel restricted by them. But yet, I want to find myself.

 

If they are completely supporting you, you're not independent. They may give you freedom to do what you want, when you want (I don't know), but you are still not independent. You're 21. And have an allowance? I'm sorry, but in my experience the only way you can grow as a person is to be completely on your own. Also, how can you appreciate (fully) what you have without earning it yourself? And what are you going to do when they can no longer support you and you need to support them?

 

There is nothing wrong with working for what you have. Or accepting help when necessary, but having them provide for you will not help you succeed or develop independence - and therefore figure out who you are and what you want from life.

 

I am so not motivated in school right now and I try to get myself into trying new things. I am thinking about going into business degree but I want to try hard to get into the nursing degree since I am so near. I am not really happy.

 

Why aren't you motivated? Do you find it difficult? Easy? Or just have no interest in the subject(s)? I don't understand why you would try to get into a nursing program because it's close if you're not interested, and it doesn't sound like you are. Take a program in a course you LOVE, regardless of where in the country it is! You'll be more interested in it, and therefore will be more involved in your courses, meet more people and have opportunities when you're done that you will be more interested in. The whole point of going to school is to advance you education so you can get a better job at the end. if you don't like the program, you probably won't like the job, or do as well at it! So take what you love.

 

I crave so much to find a really good guy to make my life more complete. Am I being too selfish? I could not find any decent guys or guys that fit my criteria also I am no longer believe in love anymore.

 

I want a perfect bf.

 

There is no such thing as a "perfect" bf. A bf can be perfect for you, but they will still be human, and have their imperfections and personality quirks. You make it sound like you have a checklist you compare guys to, and go from there. If they meet them, its a go, if not, nope. A bf has to mesh personalities with you, share some goals, and then you go from there.

 

Also, if you don't know who you are, then how can you know what you want out of a relationship? Figure out who you are first, then look for that guy.

 

I want to go out there and let myself loose.

 

Then do it! Go explore different activities, meet new people, and just do whatever. What's stopping you now?

 

 

I don't have a lot of friends since I feel that the people around me sometimes are not worth being friends with. A lot of them are lazy or not motivated in life.

 

Your friends should support you and make you feel better about yourself. If they aren't, they make new ones. It can be difficult sometimes, but just get out there and get involved in things you're interested in. The more you're doing that you love the more people you will meet with similar interests, goals, etc.

 

What should I do in my life right now? I want to find myself and I don't want to lean against guys for happiness.

 

It sounds like you just need to focus on you right now. Pursue things that interest you, find your own place - ANYWHERE you want - and just go. Be yourself and do things you like and confidence, friends and happiness will follow. I wouldn't look for a relationship right now, but would instead focus on yourself.

 

Good luck

[nguyenal]

Thanks for the insight and it helps greatly. I need some time to reflect and put this in the process of thinking and carrying out the actions to have a better life.

 

I feel that I should not look for a relationship right now but it is hard when you are lonely sometimes.