An update in my life

[shrinkisdead]

My ex and I were talking on and off, but she very rarely would talk about anything important. She texted me two nights ago at 4am asking for me to go walk with her. I did, but it was very innocent and kind.

 

Then, BAM. She goes totally no contact. I the idiot thinking her texting me at 4am meant she wanted to move forward but nothing. Then today she sends me a message on facebook. here it is and my response.

 

hey...i just wanted to let you know that i just want you to be okay with this whole situation...and i wanted to let you know that im gooing to be okay too...its neither of our faultsthat things ended the way they did...things just didnt feel right and we were both in two different places in life..and neither of us could have changed that...and i want to remain friends...but it is going to take time to fix and heal all of this for both of us

 

My response:

 

I am just having trouble with the fact that the relationship ending was on two different levels. I thought that the relationship was great, I had no idea how unhappy you were, and I don't know if I can forgive myself for that.

 

This whole thing is really hard, I have no idea what you want from me. When you make that clear, then I can do whatever that is. It's just hard b/c I want to be a part of your life, and you say that you want me to be too. However, your actions have said the exact opposite, which is fine. I just want to know the truth, about you, about your life, and about who you are.

 

I meant every word that I said about you, including the fact that all I want is for you to be happy. If never talking to me again makes you most happy, then there is nothing I can do about that. However, I have no idea what you want or expect.

 

Finally, I don't want to you blame yourself for what I am going through in my life. My depression has nothing to do with you, it has to do with myself, and only myself. You still mean a lot to me, but people in my life always do. I wouldn't want people around that don't mean anything. I do hope that we can be okay, but it is more important for you to be happy, period. Sorry this message got long, you can reply if you want, but do not feel obligated.

 

 

 

So there you go. I know it's over, but I have known it's over for a long time. I am working on some odd projects now, hit rock bottom, and am trying to find things to occupy my time. It's hard b/c the most important person in my life is gone, probably forever. Although there is nothing I can do. Thank you everyone for your help, I don't know what my life will be like after this point. I just want you to know that you all meant everything to me.

 

Finally, I leave you with a line from my next project.

 

The big, ugly monster monster only sleeps when you sleep. It is insatiable, invincible, and invisible. This is because depression is a big, ugly monster. It takes a lifetime to learn to fight it, but an eternity for it to go away.

[sunday2010]

wow Your words have been great.I'm now 6 weeks out of the relationship I had with the person I thought loved me but didn't.I find every day a nightmare I'm hoping one day i will find apartner that lovs me and wasn't just playing games.

 

I was in a nearly 4 year relationship and not once has he emailed or picked up the phone to see if I'm ok in the 6 weeks since the split.I now think he is a piece of scum and inhuman.I have no idea how you can go from a 4 yera relationship to no contact.Maybe if the time spent together was just a year but not 4.anyway best of luck my friend.These certainly are CRAZY times.

[shrinkisdead]

wow Your words have been great.I'm now 6 weeks out of the relationship I had with the person I thought loved me but didn't.I find every day a nightmare I'm hoping one day i will find apartner that lovs me and wasn't just playing games.

 

I was in a nearly 4 year relationship and not once has he emailed or picked up the phone to see if I'm ok in the 6 weeks since the split.I now think he is a piece of scum and inhuman.I have no idea how you can go from a 4 yera relationship to no contact.Maybe if the time spent together was just a year but not 4.anyway best of luck my friend.These certainly are CRAZY times.

 

They aren't bad people. We want to believe that they are, but they are just doing what makes me them happy. My ex is drowning in alcohol abuse, drugs, and depression. However, under that cover she still exists. Sometimes, people just lose sight of themselves, and sometimes, they never come back.

[shrinkisdead]

Sorry for the double post. I added more to the message.

 

I know I posted a message already, but there was a few things in here I now do not like what they implied, so please allow a revision. Same as before, feel no need to reply

 

I felt like I implied in the earlier message that my depression was linked to the breakup, which is unfair to you. My depression is b/c I listened to the people around me when shaping my life, and now I am facing those consequences alone. While it is difficult, I have done some major reshaping to find what makes me happy, but it's a work in progress.

 

With that being said, I am sad about the breakup, b/c I thought we had a good relationship and you made me very happy. Although, the part that is hardest with me is the awkward distance between us. With these changes I am making, I have very few people to talk to about them, and I know you would laugh along with me on some of them. I don't normally get to have someone in my life who gets me, so it's been a difficult transition.

 

Finally, I am not upset at you with the whole situation (whether you think I should be or not). I understand you better than I understand myself sometimes, and whether I like it or not, I have made very, very similar choices before in my life. I just wanted you to know that I am not angry, and no, I don't hate you, not even a little.

 

I apologize a million times for sending another message, and giving your head more thoughts. However, I just want to make sure you know the truth about what is going on with me. Have a great day, great sleep, great food, and everything. I am off to the humane society

[taylorhill]

It's funny how girls are. She asked you to go for a walk for her own ego boost. To see if you still had feelings for her. Once she found out that you did, and were still devastated by the breakup she sends a message like that. This keeps you "on the hook". She's now free to look for something better, or continue with a relationship with someone else, knowing that if she can not find it, you're in her back pocket.

 

What caused your breakup? If I may ask. My first thoughts are that you're being played.

 

I need to warn you though, "on and off" contact like you say will be the most difficult emotional challenge you will ever endure.

 

I hope it all works out for the best

[shrinkisdead]

It's funny how girls are. She asked you to go for a walk for her own ego boost. To see if you still had feelings for her. Once she found out that you did, and were still devastated by the breakup she sends a message like that. This keeps you "on the hook". She's now free to look for something better, or continue with a relationship with someone else, knowing that if she can not find it, you're in her back pocket.

 

What caused your breakup? If I may ask. My first thoughts are that you're being played.

 

I need to warn you though, "on and off" contact like you say will be the most difficult emotional challenge you will ever endure.

 

I hope it all works out for the best

 

We broke up over a few reasons. She is depressed and doesn't want to try distance. She is rethinking her life, and isn't sure she wants anyone in it. It is also possible she just stopped caring about me as well.

 

She is now thinking of moving to a new school, I am thinking of moving out west.