when will this get better?

[hellohello1]

so my bf of 2.5 years broke up wtih me about 3.5 weeks ago now. its been rough. he stated the reasons were because he was confused, wasnt sure if i was the one (even though we had talked countless times regarding our future, marriage, kids, etc.), it doesnt feel the same anymore, the "spark" isnt there, additionally, towards the end he was pulling away and i was starting to become really clingy and controlling and i think he was sick of it (i totally understand now)...the first week and a half we had limited contact, and hung out a couple of times. he would cry, told me he missed me bad, accidentally blurted out he loved me, but he could not be with me at this point in time.

 

so i have not initiated contact in 11 days now. 5 days ago he came into my work and just said hi and stuff (we work in the same building). its been hard not contacting him for 11 days. 2 days ago his facebook status was this song from a movie and his status was "oh what shall i do if you leave me? do not forsake me my darling"..i dont want to look too much into it, nor do i want to look into him coming to see me. as much as im trying to move on, and do believe that my 11 days without speaking to him is a huge accomplishment considering we never went a day without speaking for 2.5 years, its still so hard. i had a rough morning this morning. i know that i should stay in no contact, but it hurts. im trying to keep busy. can anyone relate?? i still want him back so bad..

 

we were supposed to go camping this monday, and that really hurts as we obvoiusly arent anymore. everything seems to remind me of him..i honestly still believe that he is the love of my life..

[FootofGod]

The second you realize that if he's truly your love, you can just continue your life as though he won't come back and if your love was true, he will. If not, you can just keep continuing your life.

 

Don't lose your hope, but don't put faith on it, either. Find a nice, warm place in your heart in the background for it. Sometimes reconciliations are fast, sometimes they're years and sometimes you don't realize he wasn't the one until you have found someone who is. But the only way to find any of that out is to stop obsessing about it, knowing that the more you even think about it, the slower your recovery, and the less you ultimately make your chances of him coming back. Because you both have to be healed for him to come back. If you love him, move on and be happy. If you can't figure out how, you probably can't be with him. I know it's all twisted and backwards, but just take it as it is.

[hellohello1]

thanks footofgod. i appreciate not only this reply but some other replies you have to my threads. i am trying hard. how are you doing?? youre in a similar situation kind of arent you?

 

ugh gotta love life, eh?

 

im trying to keep busy though, hanging out wtih some friends tonight!

[iBroken]

....we were supposed to go camping this monday, and that really hurts as we obvoiusly arent anymore. everything seems to remind me of him..i honestly still believe that he is the love of my life..

 

 

Awwww - that sucks. My ex and I broke up 5 days before she was taking me to Vegas for my birthday! ](*,)

 

And ya, the change of text pace definitely becomes nerve racking. 3.5years together (with a couple of breaks in between) and we would text and or email throughout the day.

 

So now I just keep busy with friends and email to friends and of course, ena LOL

[FootofGod]

thanks footofgod. i appreciate not only this reply but some other replies you have to my threads. i am trying hard. how are you doing?? youre in a similar situation kind of arent you?

 

ugh gotta love life, eh?

 

im trying to keep busy though, hanging out wtih some friends tonight!

 

I'm in the same boat as you. My love left me for another man, which hurts more, but almost makes it easier because there's no room for even pretending in the near future. But I know both of them, and I know it won't last for numerous reasons and even though it doesn't mean we'll get back together, it means there's a wide-open door of possibilities.

 

No love life right now.

 

I have to say I'm normal about 50% of the time, ridiculously happy about 45% of the time, and sad about 5% of the time, usually only 1% of that being anything more than missing her and feeling in a slump. I live my own advice, because it works. It's only been about a month and a half, but I feel like I'm ready for my life to go just about anywhere, and I'm there to guide it in the directions I want.

[hellohello1]

awww im sorry to hear that ibroken.

 

yes i think the way to go is just to really try to let them go and move on, its so hard though..whenever i think im doing better im ok for a little while then i crash again. is this normal?

[dancingcolors]

Way normal, I've been doing it for over a year. They say grief comes in waves. It seems to.

[bluberry]

i can definitely relate. This is day 7 for me and i literally take it day by day and mrking each day with an 'X'. We dated for 5years and he just upped and left because his "heart was no longer in it" and that was all he said. We had plans for marriage.

 

I can cry, smile, get angry all in the span of the day and surviving on 4hours sleep a day if i'm lucky. Last night he missed called me 4 times (i wasn't near my phone) and sent me a blank text. I am sure it was because he was drunk but morning came and no contact. That alone sent me crying.

 

It's hard but i'm glad this forum is here to help.. i keep checking here and reading about other pple, i keep emailing and smsing my friends to keep busy. I go to the bookshop to and bought break up books and i telling myself that he is using me and i deserve better.

[MalibuOne]

awww im sorry to hear that ibroken.

 

yes i think the way to go is just to really try to let them go and move on, its so hard though..whenever i think im doing better im ok for a little while then i crash again. is this normal?

 

This is SO normal. One day you feel strong and ready to move on, the next you're in a well of despair. I'm about a month out from my break up and I can say for me, at least, the super low periods come less frequently. Note I didn't say what LESS means - But I do get through my days better. I just wanna get to where I'm not just "getting through" them, but truly living them and living them well. It will come. In time.

[sunday2010]

This is SO normal. One day you feel strong and ready to move on, the next you're in a well of despair. I'm about a month out from my break up and I can say for me, at least, the super low periods come less frequently. Note I didn't say what LESS means - But I do get through my days better. I just wanna get to where I'm not just "getting through" them, but truly living them and living them well. It will come. In time.

 

Wow I'm 6 weeks out and still have some very very low days.Its really hard he left me in tough spot.I don't know how long it will take to recover.I just hope hes doing just as bad but probably isn't

[MalibuOne]

Wow I'm 6 weeks out and still have some very very low days.Its really hard he left me in tough spot.I don't know how long it will take to recover.I just hope hes doing just as bad but probably isn't

 

Hey, Sunday. I'm sorry you're going through this. Recovery varies from person to person, I'm sure. It took me YEARS to get over my ex husband but then again we were together a very long time, had children, etc. This last guy wasn't nearly that big a part of my life.

[MalibuOne]

Oh I don't know about that. Most of the people who were the ones to initiate a break up on this site describe feeling pretty bad. The thing is, you'll never know, so don't let it get to you. Easier said than done, I know. When I find myself thinking about my ex I just try to focus on something (anything) different and it does hep.