Guys who joke too often

[WomanWriter]

My ex and I are best friends (he says he is in love with me and is going to prove it to me). I'm putting this in the relationship section because it basicallyfeels like we are still dating on occasion.

 

Anyway, my question is this: WHY DO GUYS JOKE AROUND WHEN A WOMAN IS TRYING TO BE SERIOUS?

 

A little joking is good. I think I have a sense of humor and I'm quite playful. But sometimes when I just talk about regular topics, I can't complete my thoughts because he just interrupts with a corny joke or pun. He just takes the conversation in another direction and doesn't bring it back.

 

For example, if we were talking about my mother's illness and I was crying, he would say "Yo mama!" (as in 'yo mama jokes') every time I say "My mom..." He would start laughing obnoxiously and then change the subject to something random like the color of my carpet. This really pisses me off.

 

Why do so many guys do this? I would love to have decent conversations with men, but it seems so rare. I can only talk about real things with my girlfriends. It makes me sad because i really value my male friendships until they start being boneheads like this.

 

Why do guys joke so often? Why do they laugh at their own corny jokes and ignore women's jokes or other men's? Whenever anyone else makes a joke, my friend/guy won't laugh. It's like he has to top the joke. I told him about this and he says he just likes to get me to smile, but I think there is more to it than that because he knows I hate it when he jokes at the wrong times, but he still does it anyway.

[Firiel]

It sounds like he is very uncomfortable with emotion and tries to deal with this discomfort by turning it into a joke. It's immature, but I doubt it's malicious.

 

As to why he laughs at his own bad jokes but not other jokes... maybe he has a bad sense of humor?

[HouseKitten]

I agree with Firiel, it sounds like he's not comfortable discussing emotional topics and so he's cracking jokes to try and lighten the mood. Like making jokes when you cry about your mother - if he has no idea how to comfort you, this may be the closest he can come to doing something appropriate.

 

If it really bothers you, tell him. Just say 'I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you. I know you're just trying to lighten the mood but I am genuinely upset right now and would like to talk it through without any joking around'.

 

If he doesn't laugh at other's people's jokes then maybe he sees humour as a status thing and so he's too busy concentrating on saying something funnier to let go and laugh at what the other person said.

[Taikero]

I can't help but find the humor in things. Maybe it's a coping mechanism, but even in serious situations when I'm taking the matter seriously, I'll crack a joke, then return to the topic at hand.

 

Nothing in life is so serious you can't laugh about it at some point under the right context. To expect stoicism when you want it is a little extreme if you're still being listened to, understood, and have that shoulder to cry on.

 

As for joking in general, some people just aren't funny and should refrain until they practice alone for a while. Oy.

[Cognitive_Canine]

When they want to avoid things being serious or not show their true emotions.

[browneyedgirl36]

Hmmm....I don't know any guys over the age of 20 or so who do this... (No offense to younger people on here who don't do this!)

 

I only know one who even does something remotely like this -- my brother-in-law -- who is like a vast storehouse of corny jokes and dumb puns, but even he knows when to be serious, and he would never bust out a corny joke while someone is crying!

 

My ex has a habit of changing the subject rapidly when the conversation is getting too difficult for him (i.e. talking about feelings that are painful), and I called him on it. He admitted to it and said he was sorry, he knows why he does it, but that he will probably continue to do it out of habit. However, if he saw that I was genuinely sad, crying, stressed out, whatever, he would be easily steered back to the topic at hand -- he wouldn't ramble about the color of the carpet!

 

WW, I think that B (and other men you have met that are doing this), are simply immature. I think we've established that B, in many ways, does not act like a grownup and at his age -- He's in his 30's, right? -- this is very childish behavior.

 

I hope that, despite his attempts to show you how "in love" with you he is, that you will not get sucked back into being his girlfriend. He has SO much growing up to do before he will be a suitable partner for anyone, and he would have to change so many things about himself in order for you to be happy with him, things I don't think are going to change.

[browneyedgirl36]

I can't help but find the humor in things. Maybe it's a coping mechanism, but even in serious situations when I'm taking the matter seriously, I'll crack a joke, then return to the topic at hand.

 

Nothing in life is so serious you can't laugh about it at some point under the right context. To expect stoicism when you want it is a little extreme if you're still being listened to, understood, and have that shoulder to cry on.

 

As for joking in general, some people just aren't funny and should refrain until they practice alone for a while. Oy.

 

I see your point, but...there are just some times when joking is really, really inappropriate. If I were talking about my dying pet, or my mother's cancer, and the person I was talking to suddenly busted out with a joke, I would find that extremely insensitive. There are time when people have to put aside their discomfort in order to comfort others, in my opinion. I have a really good sense of humor, I think -- I can laugh at myself, and I can even laugh when I'm sad. I don't take myself too seriously, but...there are just some times when I think seriousness is much more respectful of others' feelings.

 

I definitely agree with your last point, though. Some people just aren't funny, and they really should refrain from trying to be. With my brother-in-law, it's a crapshoot. Sometimes, he's hilarious. Other times, everyone goes silent, and you can hear the crickets chirping in the background because he is so NOT funny.

[Miss Firecracker]

I don't know any men that act this way.

[ItRainsItPours]

I'm a guy and I've been told that I joke way too much. but I never make jokes during serious conversations, thats just immature.

 

I will admit I do the whole "if shes laughing she cant be mad at me" thing. when I sense a girl is mad at me I automatically try to make her laugh, which Im good at! they reluctantly get a lot less mad. also immature I know but old habits die hard.

 

but when youre crying about your sick mother it's completely unwarranted to make a joke of any kind. if you dont know what to say it's best to just say nothing at all. a concerned look, arm around the shoulder, or the opportunity to let the other person vent is better than saying something inappropriate to relieve tension. just continue to call him out on it as he does it.

[Gullible]

He probably doesn't realize what an idiot he sounds like. Try taking some video of him when he's acting like Adam Sandler or Jim Carrey, and then let him see the video. Adam Sandler and Jim Carrey get paid to act that way, and even when they're funny they're still annoying.

 

OR, another tactic that usually works is to repeat his jokes to him when he's not expecting it. Start acting like his mother, and then we he complains that you're acting like his mother, say "Yo mama!" "Your FACE!!!" "Your MAMA'S face!"

 

And then say "LOL" out loud after every joke, and do the Eddie Murphy donkey-laugh.

 

Sometimes people can't understand your situation until they've been in the same situation, and they can't understand their own behavior until they see it in someone else. Be a mirror for him.