He never follows through with the break-up

[newsinglegal]

My bf and I have been dating since OCT. We argue all the time bec we are both strong-headed and have different opinions. we are both attracted to eachother and share same values, but cant seem to stop bumping heads. this has probably been one of the most mature relationships either of us had but its just dying.

 

i am a very persistent person and i dont like to give up on this things unless i really have to. this goes for relationships, especially this one. i have always had tough and argumentative relationships- and i know it is my fault and i try to change and not be so argumentative and strong/passionate in a negative way (i am a scorpio, so thats tough).

 

my bf though, is not used to so much fire in relationships and has verbalized wanting out for a long time (about 10 times!) many times he seems fed up or bluffing, and i dont take him seriously. he has never followed thru, and i never push him , bec i dont want to break up. i dont mind the arguing bec i am used to it, i am tolerant. he says that i like abusive relationships, but i just think that its normal to fight. he says it is not normal to fight at the rate we do.

 

i really care for him alot and i dont want to end things but it is really hurting me that he keeps saying lets break up, and it doesnt happen. when he says it, i just tell him how i feel, and how we can work on it. i may have cried once, but i dont beg or try to convince him to stay- i just state my side calmly and clearly. this then causes him to retreat and not follow through and say- lets just go to bed and talk tomorrow. tomorrow comes and its back to normal.

 

normal though- now, is him not trying hard, or tryng as much. thiscauses us to continue to fight more. he said he is willing to stay in this relationship if i change and fight with him less.

 

i feel i should leave him bec he is offering me scraps by not wanting or acknolwding he needs to change too, but i cant leave him. i wish i was strong enough to just call his break-up bluff one day, and say "fine!!!! just go then, leave!" but i cant and i dont know why. i need help figuring out why i cant let him walk away, or why he doesnt.

[faithful14]

okay well if you guys want to stay together there needs to be a change on both your parts: you guys need to stop arguing all the time (especially if it's over little, petty issues). It's emotionally draining and enough to make a person want to get up and leave. Your boyfriend seems fed up with the arguing and wants to leave but he probably stays because he wants to be with you.

 

You guys should sit down and have an honest conversation about what you want from this relationship and whether or not you want to continue. IF you both want to continue being together, then something has to change from here on out. you guys have to find another way to deal with your problems- reach a compromise on the sitaution.

[newsinglegal]

thanks faithful, we do sit down and talk about this, but he has said that he will not change, that i am the one that needs to change with my complaints and arguing....just does not seem fair or like it gives us a chance for real success.

 

he says he will not try-but sometimes his actions shows he does try (he calls me, txts me bec he knows i like it, helps me with side-projects i have (looking for a new job), or plans outtings for us.... so i dont know why he even has to verbalize that "he wont try" it confuses me

[faithful14]

yeah I don't know why he says that...it takes two to argue. I don't think its fair of him to say that you are the only the has to change. Relationships are a two way street and it doesn't work if just one person puts in all the effort; it just doesn't.

 

well I gotta say, as long as his actions show he's trying, then that's all that matters.