Is he cheating?

[angel101700]

So here is my story and I need advice.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, we got engaged almost a year ago.

Getting married is very stressfull and i think that is when it went down hill.

But mostly just recently he has changed so much.

 

let me just start off by saying i knew i was in love with him from the beginning. we were both homeboddies, we were with eachother everyday, we even worked together, he bought me cards all the time just to say he loved me or was thinking about me. little surprises once a month. It was great.

We had like 5 fights in 3 years.

 

One about a girl he had a one night stand with a couple monthes before we got together. I found a letter to her from him 5 months after we got together but he never sent it so it was cool but this girl will come up again as i write.

 

So like 4 months ago he started a new job and there are people he knows from high school so now every week he has a guys night. he has lied to me about stupid stuff, like he said he wanted to stop drinking so much and the next day he drank and i caught him and he lied about it then got mad at me for it.

V-day, didnt buy me a presant, said he didnt know how much money we had in the account then next day bought a case of beer and said he got the money from a friend who he gave car stuff to then i checked the account and he bought the beer on the visa and when i asked where the money was from the friend it was in his pocket, so he did have money for atleast a card. And OHHH he was going to go out on v-day with his buddy from work who is single but i stoped that real quick.

 

then the bars close at 2 but he doesnt get home till 3 or 4 and we live 20 minutes away but he claims they let him and his friends hang out.

 

so this girl he had a one night stand with texted him about 2 weeks ago and said our song is on, he said he didnt know the number so i said call it, he got up to walk away and i told him to say right next to me, i hurd a girl on the voice mail and asked who it was and he said he didnt catch the name so i said give me your phone and when i went to call the number he was like ohhhhhh i know who it is and told me but told me it was ali but not that ali that he had a one night stand with but a diffrent ali, then i called her and confirmed it was her.

 

I called a friend of ours and he told me he ran into her at the bar he goes to every week and she has been calling him to hang out but he has been avoiding her, OK I question why did he give her his number and why didnt he tell me if nothing was going on. he said he wanted to protect me because of how upset i got when we first got together and finding the letter, he didnt want me to freak out about this.

 

from a guys point of view it is stupid but i can see where it was coming from.

 

This is what i had to say to him, if i made you a sunday breakfast every sunday for 3 year years and then all of the sudden stoped wouldnt you think something was wrong?

well he has been a certian way for 3 years then bam stoped.

is he cheating?

is he scared of getting married?

is he just being a guy.

 

also i got his phone records, ( i have no trust sorry, when i get lied to i want to know if there is more i am being lied about)

he goes out every week with this kid but almost everytime he goes out he is calling this kid a 2-3 in the morning when he is supposed to be with him.

he told me it is him calling him to say if there is a cop on the road or if there is a deer or calling him to say he is home.

also he will call this kid from the area of the bar,that is what comes up on the bill but the destanation is philly, about 20 minutes away.

 

i dont know i need help

thanks

[melrich]

Neither of you are ready for marriage. You need to sort out a lot of issues...trust, honesty, jealousy issues, your common desires and goals. You really both sound like you are not yet mature enough to get married...things like lying about money and creating an issue about VD cards are teenage stuff. Have a deep think about where you guys are and whether or not you should make the rather large commitment of getting married.

[Just A Dreamer]

I totally agree with richgabe.

You are not ready for marriage and there are things wrong with your relationship.

First of all you should be able to talk about ANYTHING without having to hide anything.

 

So, there must be a reason why he is lying to you.

He could be doing nothing wrong and he could be scared to talk to you about things because it could mean that you get really upset or if this is not the case it could be something else.

 

You must give him the confidence that when he talks to you about things you won't get upset, just sit down and talk things over.

 

Try to avoid being Jealous, it gets you nowhere, just gives problems.

Put it this way, if he wanted to be unfaithful to you he could do it anywhere, not just at night or in a bar etc...

 

I think that you both need to talk (NO FIGHTS), very important !!!

And you need to get your relationship sorted and be honest with each other.

 

There are many wrong things in your relationship.

 

Don't come to conclusions before you know what is going on, because you might end up breaking up for a reason that is not the original problem.

 

Give it a try, but let him know that if he talks, there is not going to be any shouting etc... VERY IMPORTANT !!!

 

You must also be able to be friends and not just partners.

 

Give it a try !!!