Reconciliation possible?

[jimmywang214]

Not sure if this is the appropriate forum, but anyways long story coming:

 

Dated this girl for a little over 6 months, honeymoon period of first 3.5 months. We have the same values, same goals, and we get/got along very well. At 3.5 month mark, due to combination of boredom from unemployment and constant naggings of dissapproval from my family, I would pick fights with her for the stupidest reasons and be a drama queen. She questioned why we were still together if both of us were so unhappy. This lasted for about 3 weeks. After that things calmed down and I apologized for my behavior, but things were definitely not the same.

 

After a little while, there was a miscommunication where she thought I was saying I love you, and she freaked out b/c she didn't feel that way yet and that in her experience, if both people didn't feel that way at the same time, things would go down hill. Eventually calmed her down about the mistake, and told her that regardless I think we should give it more time.

 

Things deteriorated further after that and she started physically withdrawing first, and then she would work more rather than spend time with me. I started trying to get answers about what she saw for us in the future, but she would always dodge the question. She also started picking out my flaws and nagging me about stuff. Also would drop hints that she missed the freedom of being single, like being able to hang out with her guy friends, something I never restricted her from doing.

 

During this time I tried my best to love on her in hopes we'd be able to get past this, but she started panicking about why I was growing in the relationship and she wasn't and eventually she said it wasn't fair to me for her to treat me like this and I deserved someone better since I was looking to get married. 2 weeks later we broke up.

 

We talked occasionally during the first couple weeks after the breakup, and she openly asked her friends why good guys were put in her life but she could never love them.

 

Little bit of history, she had a crazy relationship with a guy for 6 years that always cheated on her, but was the only guy she ever loved. Afterwards she had several relatively short term relationships (6 months or less) where she never felt the same way the guy did about her. She never brought a connection to between the two events but I told her she probably still had unresolved issues from that relationship (even though it was 4 years ago) and that it kept her from giving me a fair chance.

 

She still hasn't completely figured out why things happened the way they did, but she does know we lost the spark at one point and that she started viewing me only as a friend towards the end.

 

After breaking NC many times, we finally agreed to stick to it since we shouldn't be friends at this point, and I didn't want to ruin future chances for reconciliation by constantly nagging her to get back together. She said she said it might be a possibility but she said that it wouldn't be fair for me to wait for her and that I needed to live my life. (In case anyone was wondering, no she's not seeing someone else already).

 

Any chance of reconciliation? What are the issues we need to fix if a reconciliation does happen?

[ToF]

She said she said it might be a possibility but she said that it wouldn't be fair for me to wait for her and that I needed to live my life.

 

This right here is probably the best advice you will get. No one knows if you can or will get back together (not even you or her). Sometimes that's the hardest part; the not knowing.

 

You want the painfully true advice? You need to act like you will never get back together. You have to get over this girl if you want even a chance of reconciliation.

 

As far as the problems you two had ... it sounds as though they were mainly coming from her side. She was bored, she wanted to be single, etc. So let her have that. Maybe, once she sees you being independent and having a life, she will be attracted to that and want to get back together. Or maybe not, in which case you would already be over her so it wouldn't matter.

 

Just my thoughts

 

-Twist

[jimmywang214]

Thanks for the tips. I'm sure a lot of it was due to bad timing as I had just gotten laid off when we started dating and I was living at home. Things turned around almost instantly once we broke up so I'm getting back on my feet and the situation is already pretty different without me having to do anything.

 

She wrote me a letter, after our last talk agreeing to NC, wishing me well and thanking me for all the good things I had done in her life, as well as saying I could contact her at any time.