Tangz Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 Nearly 3 months since break up, up until the last couple of weeks we've had mixed communication and contact but mainly more slight-awkward and 'haven't got over you' kinda talking/acting with each other. But over the past two weeks me and my ex have opened up a bit more too each other. Little bit more lighthearted and chatty as now our emotions aren't so raw. The last two Saturdays out drinking with our friends we've got touchy and flirty. We had a talk about this last Tuesday and we got very close LAST Saturday. She said she is bit confused and we agreed to let 'whatever happens, happens' rather than put rules like no hugging, etc - I did tell her im not chasing her and not going to be giving her heaps of attn. Last night we were out, on the taxi ride home I asked if she wanted to come back to my house or me to hers. She said 'Not a good idea'. Then when I got out of the taxi she said 'Sorry, not 2nite '. Exchanged a couple more texts, me saying that 'im not in it for this and wanting out'. This morning she text me, saying shes 'Just confused bout what she wants in her life and if we did that last night it would make things harder for me. Im just not ready for that. Gotta get my head straight first'. I told her I understand but im not playing this game by her rules and that its goodbye from me. She said "im glad you understand but none of this goodbye crap!" my reply was "I just dont know how to tell you that 'im out'". She said "is that what your tryna tell me?" and I said "If there is going to be a barrier between you and me, then yes" Anyway is she just opening up a bit more closeness to me but not wanting to go all the way and just subconsciously having me as a back up plan and/or scared to loose me for good? i.e having her cake and eating it? I don't know if I should just leave it and stay clear for a while without announcing anything and just see where this goes or just straight tell her that im not settling for friends and its best if I move on. 50% of the reason for me announcing that would be to try and shock her/make her live with her decision so maybe not entirely good reasons for doing so? Link to comment
fr0z3n Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 It's been 3 moths dude, I think it's time to really let go of her... Until now at this stage she kept on telling that she is confused and if it's the truth, I think it's not a good idea to be with her... Maybe the continues communication and seeing each other made both of you comfortable with each others company but I dont think it will help fix your broken relationship. It is clear that she dont want to loose you but it's also clear that she dont want to be with you (romantically)... Being touchy and flirty with each other might just relieve the guilt and pain from the break up but that fix is just temporary... Just my opinion dude, sorry if Ive said something harsh... Good luck... Link to comment
fr0z3n Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 I don't know if I should just leave it and stay clear for a while without announcing anything and just see where this goes or just straight tell her that im not settling for friends and its best if I move on. 50% of the reason for me announcing that would be to try and shock her/make her live with her decision so maybe not entirely good reasons for doing so? About this part, I think it might be a good idea to tell her that you can't settle with her as a friend because it;s not healthy for both of you and it might be best that if both of you will move on... But your reason for this must be so she will know whats on your mind and for her to respect it "not for her to change her mind about the break up" Link to comment
ForumGuy Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 But your reason for this must be so she will know whats on your mind and for her to respect it "not for her to change her mind about the break up"That's right...and you have to mean it. Just like some people doing NC and then breaking it after a few days when they see it is not "working" to change the ex's mind. I am in a similar situation and I told her 3 weeks ago that I couldn't do the friend thing. Like I have said on here several times, it "pissed" her off because I dumped the dumper as a friend. She did not like it one bit and sounds like yours doesn't either. I can see no other choice except to stick around and get walked on. Link to comment
FootofGod Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 That's right...and you have to mean it. Just like some people doing NC and then breaking it after a few days when they see it is not "working" to change the ex's mind. I am in a similar situation and I told her 3 weeks ago that I couldn't do the friend thing. Like I have said on here several times, it "pissed" her off because I dumped the dumper as a friend. She did not like it one bit and sounds like yours doesn't either. I can see no other choice except to stick around and get walked on. Wise words. A lot of people don't understand NC at all, despite the many, many posts trying to bash it into people's brains. The goal of NC is to eventually not even crave the contact, possibly not even want it. It *does* have the unintentional benefit of being your best shot of getting them back, as well, though. My ex actually took the "I can't be friends" thing sadly, but well. I take that as a sign that she still has feelings for me, but that said, it's pretty irrelevant. I don't need wishy-washy feelings, because of course she still has feelings for me if she's human. I need her to come to the conclusion that she does/doesn't need me in her life more than anybody else. I cannot take her confusion away. She knows me, she remembers how good I was to her, she has to find her way out of the maze herself much to my dismay. Whichever conclusion she comes to, I'm very much not a part of it, don't want to be, and couldn't be if I wanted to. I am curious to see how things play out, though. Link to comment
Tangz Posted June 13, 2010 Author Share Posted June 13, 2010 Hey yeah guys I kinda know what I need to do but it sucks I was just getting to a point on moving on and then this happens and the door opened a bit. But yeah honestly most of the reason that I would announce it would be to shock her and try n get her back which shouldn't be the reason. I don't want to say it but then act like a friend around her when I next see her. Do you think im being walked over? She said she doesn't want to cause trouble for me, I just keep saying she isn't. Her best mate (and her) have both said that her intentions aren't to play me or whatever its just the feelings. But I seriously dont want to do this if its either a) going to be like this forever where she is just confused and I get strung along or b) this happens for a while until one of us gets hurt. Link to comment
FootofGod Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 Hey yeah guys I kinda know what I need to do but it sucks I was just getting to a point on moving on and then this happens and the door opened a bit. . Yep. Bingo. And there's no way to make it not suck, but that's the nature of the challenge. It makes it even more satisfying to do it, though. Link to comment
Tangz Posted June 13, 2010 Author Share Posted June 13, 2010 Yeah and then sometimes I start to feel good then I start thinking "I can hold on a bit and play this game". Totally get in two minds about things!! Link to comment
fr0z3n Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 in my case, after the break up and her saying hi to me the next day I told her straight that I cant be friends with her because it will not work... So far I think she respected it and didnt contacted me and now Im finally over her... But an end also means a new beginning so this might be a new fresh start of a chapter in my life... Link to comment
ForumGuy Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 Do you think im being walked over? I really believe in these types of situation, the ex does not mean disrespect and doesn't even see their behaviour as such. However, when you have the "having her cake and eating it too" feeling, there is a reason for it and it doesn't equal you as her top priority. In other words, she wants things on her terms only, her calling the shots which is kind of like being walked on. Link to comment
Tangz Posted June 14, 2010 Author Share Posted June 14, 2010 Yes. She is willing to get close to me, to be lovey dovey, for me to hug her etc but is unwilling to go home with me. I.e when I ask or want something I dont get it. She apologies for any 'leading on' she may do, she says shes 'not ready for that kinda thing (going home etc) yet', and she says things aren't at 'her rules' suggesting we that we are going by mine! So yeah subconciously she is getting what she wants and is oblivious to it being 'her game' or her controlling the situation. Link to comment
Live-N-Learn Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 My ex did the same thing. Wanted to hang out dance and kiss but would not come home with me. It really was torture. Had to go NC to heal. Link to comment
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