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Need advice: Ex may have reached out...


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So something has really changed for me in the last week. I came to the realisation that there were times when my ex and I really did not fit and that we can not force the fit. I realised that a certain amount of that should just come naturally. I realised this and also started to make my peace with my current situation.


(I have other threads on here including "really struggling" and "how do you make it fit again when it can but hasn't been" if you want some backstory).


So I did what a lot of people on here have been telling me. I went NC and started working on myself and trying to build myself a life outside of our relationship.


After a number of missed calls from my ex in the last 2 days (I wasn't avoiding them, I just actually was not home), I decided to pick up the phone when she called again last night. During the conversation, I told her where I was at in terms of finally understanding what she was meaning when we split and we then calmly discussed the fact we sometimes were amazing and other times did not fit at all. We even started talking about some of the reasons we both though was behind our issues. She asked me to meet her this weekend and she did cry during the call.


There were definitely some "mixed signals" as some things she said made me think that we may have a chance to work through this by working on ourselves and then trying "us" again, and somethings made me think that she couldn't see past the immediate decision that she made to break-up and the red flag of breaking up twice in our 3 1/2 year relationship. Last time I tried to bring up the issues, she did not want to discuss them at all and I felt like I was pushing her, this time I felt like we were actually communicating on an issue we both wanted to talk about.


I don't know if we are mourning our lost relationship together and our intimate moments, or if we may be able to start the reconciliation process as she has finally become willing to talk about the underlying issues. She mentioned that she just couldn't get to the emotional place that I was at, but I also don't believe that where I was was a healthy place to be. I put too much on the relationship and was too clingy/needy.


I am heading back into NIC and trying not to get hope up, and just continue fixing the parts of me that I need to fix before we could ever have another chance. Scary thing is I am not sure if I am ready for another chance yet, if she is offering one, as I don't feel like I have made sustainable change yet!


She asked me if this was too soon and did I want to meet, so I am worried that she sees this as "just friends" but I have also told her previously that I can't do just friends.


Do you think I am handling this properly? This is my chance to show her that I am starting to change, but I know that the changes I have made are not permanent yet.

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It has been about 6 or 7 weeks. Initially I did not do any begging, pleading etc, but about 3 weeks into the break-up I freaked out and did the usual "post break-up behaviours". I actually initiated my plan to start making a life for myself the week after we split, but have had a few "relapses" back into the person I don't want to be.


She has told me many times since we split that this is the hardest thing she has ever had to do, and that she misses me, misses sleeping beside me and the intimacy of conversation with me. But also is very worried about sending mixed signals and is concerned for my space.


We broke up because she "loved me but was not in love with me" and didn't feel the way she wanted to feel about me.


We did split up before and she reached out in a similar way, but that time was a lot longer because I spent a lot more time begging and pleading etc at the start.


What do you think?

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