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Two real quick questions:


1/ 24 days of NC but my ex owes me money (circa £1k) - she told me, prior to the NC, that she would pay it into my bank on or around the end of each month. It hasn't arrived yet - do I chase her for it or do I just leave it? I can live without getting the money but I really dont want to break NC. I guess another option would be to wait a few months and then when I am sorted in life ask for it then?


2/ She ended it the week we were due to move to a new place. I have moved back to my parents but we moved together to a little village an hour away from here. I love the village, but it's small and there are so many memories. I want to move back, do you think I should just bite the bullit, move here, deal with the rubbish feelings, or get somewhere in a new area?


Advice appreciated.

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So funny, I am dealing w. both your questions w/ my ex on some level as well. I can tell you why I made the decisions I did...


1. Owing $...24 Days is waaaayyyy to early to break NC over anything. Since you can live w/o that amt of $ for a while, I say maybe at end of month 3 send her an email reminding her you are waiting for it. She may desposit something by then anyway. My ex owes me a bunch of $$ and to me NOTHING is as important as moving on. I will live w/o that $ for a while until I can approach him with neutrality and know it will not interfere with my grieving process. Trust me, if you go there, it may launch you back to how you were feeling in week 2.


2. Moving to that really cool sounding town...I put my townhouse on the market b/c the memories were too strong. I am not 100% comfortable in the place but I can tell you, after 2 months, it is amazing how you come to terms with it. I dont know if all the triggers helped me grieve faster or not but my point is, you get past all those memories. If you really like the town, maybe try it out if you can handle the time it takes to process those memories. You eventually get past that is my point.

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My ex too owes me money £800, it's not loads i know but i want it back, i was good enough to lend it to him, so he should do the right thing and pay me back, i'm not willing to write it off. He said he would pay me back when he had it, so i'm gonna wait a couple of months then contact him for my cash, like you say, when my heads in a better place. As for moving, i would go, i wouldn't stay with all them memories, it would kill me, first time i split with my ex, i packed up and left spain, within 2 days of splitting up i was gone, i knew everywhere i went, everything i done would remind me of him. So i came home to where my friends are, to where my surroundings felt fimiliar to me, i felt safe and strong enough to move on. Just a pity i went back for a second time. Stupid me. at the end of the day only you can decide. Do what feels right for you.

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1. I'd wait, she probably has a lot on her plate too. after 45 days i would send an email reminder. can't put a price on moving on! but i understand wanting to get your money back.


2. give yourself more time living with your parents! might be better. don't rush yourself into moving out, but if it is really hard for you, just start looking around.

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If you're motivated enough to seek the money, file a small claim and let her deal with the court, or pay you back promptly--her choice.


As for where to live, I would consider letting that choice evolve on its own rather than try to force it while you're grieving.

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