idk how i'm going to get over this..

[im_the_undead]

i keep texting my now ex bf how much i love him and will be there for him no matter what... when ever he needs... even though he's seriously determined to ignore me. i know him, that's his way of not breaking apart and i feel bad for bothering him just because i'm falling to pieces....but i can't help it i'm so miserable & i miss his voice

 

 

so the story is i kind of HAD TO DUMP HIM even though i really did not want to... i still love him.

but the situation with his jealous cousins has gotten wayyy out of hand, to the point where his mom indirectly began to blame me for the entire ordeal...

 

my family made me see that although my bf and his family don't get along...and even though his immidiate family and he are basically ashamed of the "cousins" & that side of the situation..........they're still family and will put them above any attempt at love or any situation... no matter what.

[well at least my bf and his family do because from what i've seen, my bf's cousins and that side of the family only put their best interests first..how ironic]

and even if they ARE dead wrong, never should i doubt that i will be blamed for every single fault that has been commited... everyone will resent me... my relationship will continue to stuggle because people's words do eventually sink into our heads....and everyone will turn their back on me in time, even the one i love

 

i couldn't live to suffer such a loss... i've been betrayed many times..but i had to go bfore i could see my love turn on me](*,)

 

 

OMG so i'm dying here because i hate knowing that i still love him, i gave him allllllllll of me and i believe he did too...we had our ups and miserable downs but we were still passionate for one another... i broke up w him not because i was bored of him or tired of his crap or wanted to "explore" the world and experiment... no, nothing of that sort which one day may have brought me comfort....

i dumped him because his cousins started an underground war which i had to find out about through his mom

 

those cousins were once my friends, i can't believe they did this..

and what hurts the most is all the things he said to me..

he thinks i'm a coward... that i gave up & since i gave up i can't possibly love him...

& that i let them win.

 

i wish tables were turned so he could get some insight on how

low i feel....

 

 

although he never really told them to f-off in my defense,

or explained to them how much harm they caused or why we tried to distance ourselves from them..

and altough he took a year too long to ask them to stay away....

i can't be mad at him for it

 

 

 

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how am i supposed to live with myself feeling all this is my fault somehow [i should have just taken the abuse & acted as if nothing were wrong], there's obviously something wrong w me for wanting justice.. idk

i'm always gonna wonder "what if"

[woodc5]

If you want to be with him then be with him. His cousins' immaturity should not be the reason you two are together or not. Otherwise, you dumped him and should leave him alone.

[iJester]

Your b/f was right, you did let them win, and while I don't know if I would go as far as to say you are a coward, I do think you took the easy way out. Now you should leave him alone and let him heal, and maybe he will come back.

[im_the_undead]

maybe... but i realized today, after much thought... that i held on tight to the relationship for almost 2 years with on going bullying and drama, which is more than anyone i know would have endured...i also believe he should have spoken up since he knows the whole truth and actually revealed it to me. his mom, who is an important factor in our lives, was starting to blame things on me and i just had to take it. that's not a comfortable way of living at all.

something had to be done

 

he spoke to me today btw.. didn't say anything nice but he began to realize who the enemy was.

 

anyway i don't need anyone to diss me, i'm getting it enough from him.

however, i'd like some tips on how to mend without becoming bitter from men or women who needed to move on as well.