Out of time, Outta Energy. HELP ME!!

[downout]

I am a 28 year old single male who has never had a girlfriend. This isnt because girls havent liked me, infact i know of about 10 who did. My problem is i wasnt attracted to any of these girls and thus I never pursued any of them or asked them out on dates. The women I am attracted to always reject me or ignore me and I dont know why this is. I have been rejected like 5 times in the last 2 months and it is killing me. I try to stay positive but I am losing it. I am not a bad looking guy though I am shy and a little introverted. I also ask girls directly and dont play games or try to be someone im not. Whatever the reason is I seem to be cursed and I cant seem to catch a break with anyone im attracted to. I look back now and with my opportunites diminshing to meet single attractive ladies in their mid to late 20's I half wonder if i should have just dated some of these girls I didnt really like but at least I would have some companionship. Though I think about it and it wouldnt really be fair to me or them. Unfortunately most girls im attracted to at this stage in life are already married or engaged. I honestly dont know where I can find someone to do stuff with anymore. There just isnt anywhere to meet people anymore. It seems my options are exhausted and I am outta time. I have my profile on 2 online dating sites and still nothing. I fear i am doomed to loneliness.

[Agent47]

Come join the club bro. There are so many people in our boat that Im surprised it's still afloat.

[QTpie87]

how weren't you attracted to them, cause if it was looks thats not a good way to go by asking or not asking someone out... if that was the case i would never go out with anyone, no one would ask me. and that would suck.

[vitalcoaching]

Hi,

 

the good part of all that is that you took steps and are aware of the dynamics. What is missing could not be much. If it's not yet working, it's time to go deeper.

 

Posting a couple of profiles online is not enough. It's common that for 1 girl there are about 5 guys (sometimes 10) on dating sites. Posting your profile and simply waiting does not work. You have to take action! Serious action.

 

Have a look at this article to find out more about dating sites statistics. This will enlighten you on why you did not get a response:

 

link removed

 

There are direct ways of handling a situation like yours and I do believe that if you set up yourself to it you could radically shift the response your get.

 

You must do what it takes to break through, not stop half way.

 

Good luck and stay in touch

 

vitalcoach

[downout]

how weren't you attracted to them, cause if it was looks thats not a good way to go by asking or not asking someone out... if that was the case i would never go out with anyone, no one would ask me. and that would suck.

 

Its hard to explain why I didnt like them. There were issues with who I was at the time, I was only like 17-21 when I got the most female attention but I guess I didnt really know what i wanted, I was immature and now sadly years later I am regretting it. I guess I always thought I would have plenty of options even as I got older, and how wrong i am. There were some that I was just not attracted to at all. Im not saying you have to be a fitness model but if there is absoultely no attraction at all it is difficult to want to get to know someone based soley on personality and have them "grow" on you. Others I just didnt seem to have alot in common with, I also think that because I am kind of shy it is hard for me to be assertive to women when I need to be and I fear I have missed many opportunities because of this character flaw. It has taken me this long to realize that and I am pretty disappointed with myself. Oh yeah one woman at work who liked me was married, had kids and her husband actually threatned to kill me when he found out she has asked me out to coffee.

[downout]

 

 

Ok I looked at those statistics and frankly that is very depressing. Its almost like saying its useless to even post a profile with such low odds. Also I have been active sending alot of winks and teases to girls on these sites, I havent been sitting around waiting for someone to contact me. I even payed the membership fee at link removed just so i could email this one girl who by the way was hot. I have gotten a response, only 2 though. One of them I was interested in but we never even talked so that was over in the blink of an eye. My profile has been viewed like 130 times but still I get nothing. BTW feel free to look at my profile on link removed look up Calgary,Alberta,Canada my username is ricerocket101. Tell me if i am ugly or something is wrong. I encourage any input from females. Also what do you mean by directly handling the situation? Do you mean online or actually going somewhere to meet people? Im all in favor of going out to meet someone but after being rejected multiple times It is killing my self-esteem. I am a sensitive person and I cant help that, I can only take so much. I dont know why life is so unfair. I also graduated post secondary school and cant find a job.

[downout]

Come join the club bro. There are so many people in our boat that Im surprised it's still afloat.

 

I dont know if I can sink any lower than I am now.

[Agent47]

 

I dont know if I can sink any lower than I am now.

 

Me either. Im gonna have to become a monk if things dont turn around for me soon.

[trypanosoma]

Hi Tim,

 

First off, nothing is wrong with you, so don't lower your self-esteem thinking that you're ugly. Since it isn't your looks that push women away, then it's probably how you handle yourself. You've admitted that you're shy and a little introverted, but have you considered how those traits can give some girls the wrong first impression about you? The girls you were attracted to probably perceived you as someone who wasn't interested in them. Don't think about what you should've done, think about what you can do to meet more people you can do stuff with. You can start by revealing yourself to people you can trust rather than to girls you want to impress. By revealing yourself and by reflecting your great qualities, you will actually impress a girl you find attractive. Being shy can be a character flaw, but remember that there are women out there that are fascinated by shy guys (I was). Yeah life is unfair, but remember that life is like a mirror, you should smile at it more. I'll be here if you need someone to type to. Good luck.

 

If you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on yourself and continue doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

 

Hakuna Matata.

[vitalcoaching]

Ok I looked at those statistics and frankly that is very depressing. Its almost like saying its useless to even post a profile with such low odds.

 

True, that's a way of looking at it. To me, it makes be laugh! There are millions of guys online who post their profiles and don't know that. ( link removed ) You, on the other hand now know something they don't.

 

Here is probably what happened: You posted a profile. Sent a couple of "winks". Got no response. Send a couple of messages to the most beautiful chicks, got one luke warm response.

 

Tried again two days later. You thought: "today's it's gona work!" Again you picked up 1 or two girls who you thought: "hey, I could spend the rest of my life with them!" Sent a couple of messages (spent an hour writing them), again no response or even worst a "get off looser" type of answer.

 

That was your final try. Now, you are on this board asking for help.

 

Again, I'll be direct: In your situation, it takes 2 to 3 months to feel really comfortable within the cyber dating environment.

 

Cyber dating is a training ground! You dive in it the way you would go to battle. True! Shift your attitude. At first sight, you are bombarded by negative feed back. You go there expecting gorgeaous girls to respond to you like: "hey, what a nice guy..., I know he lives on the other side of the world, but... He is so cute...!" Forget it!

 

The gorgeous girls you sent a message to get probably 200 emails a day! Why? because every single guy picks them up and responds exactly the way you did.

 

This might surprise you but the first benefit of going online is to learn to deal with rejection. It is a training ground!

 

How long does it take you to learn basketball, or singing, or... It's a skill, right? Dating is the same! It is a world of emotions, behaviors, attitudes. It's complex, exciting. It's all these things.

 

Your are not asked to succeed. You are asked to learn to swim in it. Some women are like sharks in these waters. they are looking for the next victim. Some others are like dofins: their presense and touch will wake up an incredible desire to want to be with them.

 

You need to learn to swim. You need to basically change your rules and your mind set.

 

How? the first step is dealing with rejection. Rejection must not be something which stops you. It must be something which gives you a kick! Check this article:

 

link removed

 

There is of course much more to say! but I'll stop here for now. I'll check your profile on link removed, see if I can find it.

 

Feed back?

 

To be followed...

 

vitalcoach

[trypanosoma]

I'm so glad to hear that the support has helped. Quite frankly I think that we are a little shallow, but that's my opinion. 8) When a guy (or girl) pursues a physically attractive person, the person is labeled as being 'shallow' or 'superficial'. We are repeatedly informed that "beauty is skin-deep" or "don't judge a book by it's cover", but only in the perfect world will everyone find other people attractive based only on their non-physical attributes. If someone is physically attracted by someone else, it doesn't mean the person lacks depth, it just means that the person has high standards. The person is superficial, though, if the person uses physical beauty to generalize others. Now that's being shallow. lol, I had a conversation with my buddies about this today so I had to bring this up. This topic lead to a long debate. I'm just a PM away if you wanna talk!

 

Hakuna Matata