Bad dates

[Santa]

Hey, i was just wondering from a females POV, what would be some of the reason why you would dump a guy after 1 date?

Im guessing perhaps certain things to do with personality? What about looks - even if the guy looks good, would his performance on the date effect it? What about if the guy doesn't make any moves, or shows no interest? etc. Thanks.

[Mun]

Hi there !

One turn-off is a guy who constantly talks about himself but doesn't ask me questions about myself. Other things include : Checks out other girls while we are out, is rude to the waiter or waitress, is too quiet ( creepy), tell me he does not have enough money or discusses lack of money in some way, is too pushy (insists on getting a kiss...ugh!).

 

Winners include guys who : Compliment me on how I look that night, make me laugh, ask about me and show interest, notice me, open doors.

 

I don't go out with a man unless I like him sooo it can only go downhill from there or uphill

[AngelOfDarknes]

{Im guessing perhaps certain things to do with personality?}

 

yea thats is important , to me......

 

{What about looks - even if the guy looks good, would his performance on the date effect it?}

 

hmmm it depends on the girl, some dont really care about looks and some do,........

 

 

{would his performance on the date effect it?}

yes.........

 

 

{What about if the guy doesn't make any moves, or shows no interest?}

thats totally importent, at least for me it is...

 

[Mar]

Turn-offs should be obvious, regardless of looks. I've met some fantastic-looking guys who turned unattractive in my eyes because of personality traits. Being rude/sarcastic, vain, too serious, not interested in hearing what I have to say, being unable to pay attention or listen to me, bad hygiene, the inability to laugh at themselves or admit their faults (big on there-no one wants to be with someone who can never admit they're wrong and always see fault lying with the other person) etc.

 

Think about what you find unattractive in a woman-most likely, the same things apply in what a woman finds unattractive in a man! Basic decency and kindness, humor, caring, attentiveness are the biggest, most positive traits you can show to win someone over!

 

Mar

[mahlina]

Boy oh Boy! One of the worst dating experiences for me, was with this guy who got serious on me too quick. He phoned me way too often, and showed his jealous side far too much, especially on a first date.

 

Im guessing perhaps certain things to do with personality?

Personality- I give him a 7. He was cool at first, maybe an '8', but as soon as he started getting jealous and possessive, while we were just casually dating, not b/f/ & g/f, and barely knew each other. I thought that was a turnoff. Especially because he did this all in one night.

 

Also, another major turnoff to his 'personality' was the fact that he tried bragging what he didn't have. I mean, I give props to him for trying, and being a friendly date. For instance, instead of picking me up in his truck, he picked me up in his sister's Mercedez, and was late for doing so. I didn't like it when he started showing off the car to my friends. I thought that was silly, because one thing's for sure, he had this smirk on his face, as if he owned the car. It was his sisters! I wanted to tell him, "C'mon Man! I'm dating you for you. Don't try to impress. Be yourself." It was nice that he did so, but I thought it was uncessary. It kinda put a damper on my image of his self-esteem. A confident guy shouldn't do that, not especially if it's a 'first date.' It wasn't like prom or anything. I like a guy who's proud to be himself, someone self-assumed. Even if it means that he's going to pick me up in a 'beat up' car.

 

What about looks - even if the guy looks good, would his performance on the date effect it?

Looks, I give him an 8. No offense to Beyonce Knolls, but that guy that I'm referring to, kinda had a head like Jay-Z's. Not the lips though. He was tall, cute, and had a nice deep voice, but just didn't do it for me. I don't think that it had anything to do with his looks, but more like the fact that he started getting all possessive on the first date. (Nice guy though. Just scary for the fact that he got jealous, and serious too quick)

 

What about if the guy doesn't make any moves, or shows no interest? etc.

Showing no interest. Hmm.. I think that it would be a bummer. It just shows a conflict in personalities. But hey, if things don't work out, then maybe it worked out for the best.

 

However, I prefer it when a guy doesn't make any moves at all, except for a simple hug, and maybe a handshake. It just shows respect on his part, for respecting the fact that it's one of my sensitive boundaries. I especially disliked it, when he drove me around, we didn't hold hands, but he had the NERVE to lay his hand on my knee!! Sorry! That just COMPLETELY did it for me. Major turnoff! I just felt like that was disrespectful. My guy friend tells me to chilax, but honestly, a guy who can keep his hands to himself, is a more RESPECTFUL date. And chances are, if he does so, then I wouldn't mind going out with him on a 2nd date. In fact, one of the guys that I recently dated, was cool about the whole physical part, and showed interest at the same time. He's a guy that I'd keep in my book. I admire a guy who can be respectful, and proud of who he is. He wasn't ashamed about driving me around in his Civic either. I didn't mind, and he's one of the funnest dates I've ever encountered! To sum it up, I think that what's important to keep in mind is to keep the first date fun, light-hearted, romantic, but at the same time, nothing too serious too quick. Just fun, friendly conversations, and good laughs.

 

Santa, I'm pretty sure that you don't fall anywhere near to the 'worst first-date encounters' category. If you're asking us questions, then I'm pretty sure that you're mature/careful. A date like you, is someone who's well-respected. And I agree with what Muneca says about a guy who only talks about himself. Rule of Thumb: Whatever you do, be yourself, be confident (oppssite of cocky ), and let your charm shine through! A lady should like you for you, and if she doesn't, then maybe it just wasn't a 'good match' after all. If she rejects you for the material things, social status, etc., then she's shallow, and not worth your time. Whatever it is, enjoy your date.

 

Good LucK & So long,

Mahlina

[Santa]

Santa, I'm pretty sure that you don't fall anywhere near to the 'worst first-date encounters' category. If you're asking us questions, then I'm pretty sure that you're mature/careful. A date like you, is someone who's well-respected. And I agree with what Muneca says about a guy who only talks about himself. Rule of Thumb: Whatever you do, be yourself, be confident (oppssite of cocky ), and let your charm shine through! A lady should like you for you, and if she doesn't, then maybe it just wasn't a 'good match' after all. If she rejects you for the material things, social status, etc., then she's shallow, and not worth your time. Whatever it is, enjoy your date.

 

Good LucK & So long,

Mahlina

 

Actually I think it was probably the opposite for me - my attitude/personality let me down.

I don't know why it is, but I find when I get a on a date, I see the girl as a friend, and so the thought of trying to impress them, by saying nice things or holding hands etc, doesn't come into my head. Looking back, I think my last date went bad because of this maybe. Most of the time I was independent of her - ie I walked/lead the way, and she followed, and also I didn't compliment her, hold her hand or anything (though I did pay for her tickets). Like i said, exactly how im around friends. Some of my friends are total 'wimps' around girls, and do everything they say, and are all drippy, and I find it hard to be like that.

I seriously think my last date had the impression "Why doesn't he show interest or make any moves? I don't think he likes me - hes not worth my time, and this isnt at all romantic, and theres no chemistry.. theres no point going on".

To add insult to injury, at the end I was very unsubtly, and saying stuff like "To be honest, I asked you out because I thought you liked me, but well, your not really making much effort". Comments like this arn't very well thought out in my head, and I expect her to say stuff like "I do like you!" and say what I want them too. To them however, this must seem like I don't like them much, and well i'm doing this for them, because I think its easy (Which i must admit is kinda true to some extent, but I realise they don't wanna know this). Again, to them this must seem like a turn-off, or the relationship isn't gonna be that good, as they get the impression I don't like them that much. Thge last girl said I was 'cold'.

I think it's best if I act drippy, and please the women, eventhough for some reason, this seems kinda fake for me, or hard...

[Mun]

Maybe you're afraid to show your feelings, for fear of being rejected? or maybe you don't like the girls that much.

[Santa]

Perhaps. Point is, is this likely to be a major turn-off?

[Mun]

I think it is a major turn-off. A girl wants a guy to treat her special. To be courteous and respectful and have a good time.

 

If you don't change your style you might find yourself dateless quite often If a guy behaved like he didn't care how I felt on the date I would not see him anymore. If he behaved like this with all the girls, I would even think that he shouldn't be dating.

[mahlina]

Hi Santa,

 

I know some guys, who are like you. They don't mean to send off the 'wrong' impressions. In their case, most of the times, they're just 'nervous' around ladies that they date. I don't think that your intentions are meant to be cold, although it might come off as being cold, thereforeeee , a bit of a turnoff. I agree with Muneca in a sense that a girl does appreciate the chivalry, the courting part of dating. I think that walking ahead of the girl sends mixed messages. For the girl who's going out on a date with you, in that of situation, she might interpret your body language as being:

1. A straightforward, serious kind of guy.

2. Shy (maybe)

3. Lack of interest.

 

I think that perhaps, you can try a different approach. Next time, when you do decide to date another lady again, try being a little more flirty, a little bit more personal. Even if you're shy, the little flirty things to say are:

1. You look great tonight. Don't just compliment her on that. Say something more in detail, like, "What did you do to your hair? I like what you did. You're outfit looks great!" Compliment her on the little details, things about her that catch your eye.

2. You're a cool chick. I think we should hang out more often.

 

I'd list out a few more things, but the most important thing to keep in mind is to say things from your heart! Girls often spot phonies pretty easily. We dislike the generic mack lines. (You know, like hte ones that guys give out at clubs or bars.) Say things that are more personal, and relate to her on a one-to-one level. We like 'romance.' Be yourself, but at the same time, show that 'soft' side of you a little more. I think that for the most part, it's also the girl who brings out that soft side in a guy. It also depends on chemistry. thereforeeee, if you're not feeling the chemistry, it's also good to keep in mind, that you shouldn't force things. Let things flow naturally.

 

In your case with that girl, I bet she felt a little distant about the whole situation. If you like her enough, then explain to her about your tendencies. I'm pretty sure that she'll be a bit more understanding, and perhaps might learn about you more. It's a 'take it or leave it' kinda deal. Give it a shot, and see how it goes. If things flop for the both of you, then take that 'Oh well..No one's loss' kinda attitude. Besides, not all one personality suits all. However, always keep in mind, even the tomboyish ladies do enjoy the romantic side in a man.

 

Mahlina

[Santa]

Thanks. Thats cleared that up for me, and now I know where i'm going wrong. I'll probably explain something to her about this, and perhaps ask her for a second chance, if I think shes likely to give it - I don't feel for her that much, but I have a feeling if i wasn't like that something might of happened. Either way, next time it'll be better