Huh ... She contacted me after 2 weeks "NC". Not sure what to do now

[jellysandwich]

By "NC", I mean "good bye emails" lol. She just gave a simple, "hey, you there?" while I was out.

 

It's weird. My gut instinct told me to say something short and simple, like a "sup?". I would be fine whether or not she responds; I won't be affected by whatever she says.

 

What I am worried about though, is that if I don't respond, she won't ever contact me again. Funny, considering I never expected her to contact me in the first place.

 

So.... to respond or not to respond.

 

Cliffnotes:

 

-Planned trip to visit her in May (LDR Singapore)

-She broke up with me end of March

-Begged, pleaded, etc

-Maintained NIC/LC for trip

-She gives CLEAR signs (doesn't regret breaking up, wants me to move on, wants to be friends, etc)

-I decided not to go on trip

-Sent "good bye, wish you the best" email (no mention of canceled trip)

-(I think) she waited for me at airport anyway

-She sends me a "I waited for you but you're not coming, good bye, wish you the best" email

-I feel bad making her go and wait for me (due to my vague email)

-I sent email apologizing and offering to explain why I canceled

-She never responds, so I gave up and figured we'd never talk ever again

-She IM'd me after 2 weeks NC

[JusticeLaw9]

Something you need to ask yourself... do you wanna date her again? if you do, then I would create more space in that window of opportunity - but taking baby steps along the way. If you're no longer interested (shrugs shoulders) you're just no longer interested.

[Iakasot]

First of all I'm sorry about what happened. Break-ups can be rough. I say don't be friends with her. She hurt you, why put yourself into a position to be hurt again? She couldn't accept you for who you are as a lover, why should you accept her as a friend? Exactly, you have full rights to never talk to her again. Block her and never let her back into your life, no matter how much time passed.

 

You don't have to be bitter about it, just forget about her and get someone better, someone who accepts you. She doesn't and never will, you need to realize that, and not care about whether she talks to you again or not. Her opinion doesn't mean anything. What are you looking for, for her to say she misses you and wants you back? It's not gonna happen, and even if it did, do you really wanna accept those kinds of things from a person who has hurt you? Have some pride and dignity!

 

If you picture her mentally saying those things, your response to her should be 'good for you', not 'i miss you too'. If you miss her then you're not over her, and if you're not over her, you need to be. The point you need to get to is that she's just a random girl in your past who didn't accept you. She isn't anything special, if she was, then you'd still be together. Picture looking back at this 10 years from now. Yep, random girl.r

[jellysandwich]

Something you need to ask yourself... do you wanna date her again? if you do, then I would create more space in that window of opportunity - but taking baby steps along the way. If you're no longer interested (shrugs shoulders) you're just no longer interested.

 

Hmmm.... What do you mean by "create more space in that window of opportunity"? As for dating her again, I don't care. If we meet up again and there's another spark, maybe. I don't hate her or anything, so I don't really want to just close the door completely on her.

[jellysandwich]

Don't worry, I'm actually very far along the healing path. Definitely no friends crap, not bitter or angry, and I don't expect her to come back to me. I'm moving on, and I recognized that she's just another typical girl long ago.

 

That's why it's weird and funny... I can't figure out why I care about her talking to me again.

 

Update: I messaged her back, just a "sup?". I'm expecting the worst for my own sake, which is that she won't respond. If she does respond, then it's easy. There's really nothing she can say that can hurt me.

[Iakasot]

Hmmm.... What do you mean by "create more space in that window of opportunity"? As for dating her again, I don't care. If we meet up again and there's another spark, maybe. I don't hate her or anything, so I don't really want to just close the door completely on her.

 

Dude, the whole point is that the spark is there from your side, but from hers it disappeared. You're basically saying "if it appears from her side again, I'll take advantage". Don't you wanna be with someone whose spark is just THERE like yours, and doesn't disappear easily? Hers obviously doesn't last very long. What good does it do if it appeared again? She could not want you again the next day...Just getting into that sort of thing, that's disrespectful to your own value of yourself as a man. That's what I think.

[jellysandwich]

Dude, the whole point is that the spark is there from your side, but from hers it disappeared. You're basically saying "if it appears from her side again, I'll take advantage". Don't you wanna be with someone whose spark is just THERE like yours, and doesn't disappear easily? Hers obviously doesn't last very long. What good does it do if it appeared again? She could not want you again the next day...Just getting into that sort of thing, that's disrespectful to your own value of yourself as a man. That's what I think.

 

No.... my spark is gone as well.

[Iakasot]

No.... my spark is gone as well.

 

I dunno man, it's probably just "dormant". I mean you've pictured meeting up again and you both being into each other. Are you absolutely sure it's gone?