Hoping for a 2nd chance with my Ex.

[John1]

Hello, Ive written a long post in the 2nd chances forum.. basically i was with my ex for 4 years and 12 months ago we split as i drunkenly kissed another girl.. we split up.... ever since then Ive been trying to get her back, but she has been very very very resistant... I never did the "no contact " thing.. she was my 1st serious girlfriend, so this was my/our first breakup... i would call her a lot begging for 2nd chance.. she then changed her number.... I would then message her sister to talk to her sister for me... stupidly i would then write her letters explaining everything and begging for a 2nd chance...

We used to speak 3-4 times a day.. we had serious plans for the future .. we were on the verge of moving intogether..

its just over a year since the split... we are just barely back on speaking terms again... i saw her last weekend and asked her can we hang out , go to the beach or go to the funfair( which we always did when we were together) she said no.. I asked her could we meet up maybe every few weeks for coffee, she said no, that we wouldnt be arranging anytime to meet up, if we see each other in the street or out with friends then we will say hello and maybe talk to each other but we wont be arranging anything to meet up...

 

I then asked her to consider maybe giving me a 2nd chance, that we were great together for 4 years and it was just 1 stupid drunken mistake.. I was stupid.. and on saturday i was stupid as I shouldnt have pushed it..... As I said we used speak 3-4 times a day.. in the 12 months we have split we have spoken maybe 10-12 times and many of those occasions were tears mostly from me so wasnt helpful

 

I know I hurt her badly... we were planning on moving in together and spending the rest of our lives together... now saturday talking to rachel was like old times.. it was great except for the bit when she still wouldnt give me a 2nd chance...we were asking each other how we were and what we were up to .. now people are saying that I have to show her that I can be trusted... Thats going to be difficult now as we never see each other.. Now Ive only seen her 5 times this year and 3 of them have been in the last 4 weks so its great to see her.

Shes put on a lot of weight since we split although she still looks stunning to me.

She hasnt had sex since me ( i dont know if that means anything)and i havent been with anybody since her, she said to me shes not looking for a boyfriend) she said why would she want to get back with me. shes having a great time...

But If I can someway gain her trust again then maybe we can talk and maybe clear the air...

like last weekend she lifted my shirt sleeve to see my new tattoo.. she showed me her newly pedicured feet and telling me all her news..she was telling me what gifts she got for her birthday.

I know we may never get back together again.. its just great to be able to speak to each other again ( without the tears)

I hurt her badly and maybe its too late for a reconciliation.

Now I know I cant push her anymore as shes only going farther away ...

 

I messaged her sister the other night.. her sister is doing her exams

so i just messaged her saying best of luck with the exams and her sister messaged back saying thanks...

I met her father last weekend and we said hello to each other...

Its good to be on at least speaking terms with her family again though.. I just wish she could give me a 2nd chance...I hurt her badly though and maybe shes afraid of getting hurt.. I dont know.. She seems pretty decisive in her decision that we wont be hanging out again. or even getting a 2nd chance.

Its 12 months since we split.. I hate thinking that its too late... I cant even entertain the thought of dating other girls when Rachel is on my mind.. It wouldnt be fair on any girls.. Although people say to me that if Rachel sees you with another girl then she will realise what she is missing and it will be her doing the chasing...That i dont believe..

anyway sorry for the long post

Thanks

John

[vitalcoaching]

Hi John,

 

12 months sounds like a long time. It's a sign of her determination. She seems to have made up her mind pretty clearly. She sends a clear a message out: "I won't take that from everyone!"

 

There might be other people supporting her choice: close friends for instance. If she would "bend", she could pass for weak as well. So, it's more than just her you try to convince. It is vaster than that.

 

Sorry to say that, but there are little chances. Your last resources is going to her and saying something like:

 

"Look I have been trying very hard now for a bout a year. I do care immensely but I now run out of energy and ideas. I'll wait another couple of days and if I don't get an opening from you, I'll move on"

 

Feels like it's time to get your full power and dignity back. You did a mistake. Is is forgivable? I think it is. You already told her how sorry you were. You bended very low to apologize for your offense. You did it for 12 months.

 

Now it's time to stand up and get your full power back. You did anything you could. Now it's truly up to her.

 

Good luck and stay in touch

 

vitalcoach

[John1]

thanks for the reply.. yes it was a mistake.. people will have their own opinions if its forgivable or not.. But I feel the 4 years we had together have now become worthless if she cant give me a 2nd chance over an isolated drunken mistake..

People say you cant blame alcohol for this but I know in my heart that if I was not drinking that night then i wouldnt have kissed that girl.. I know the girl that I kissed.. she worked with me.. we were on a night out and we were all in great form and we all got drunk, not the girl i kissed she had a serious boyfriend and i had a serious girlfriend and it would have been out of character from the both of us to cheat on our partners..

Anway I have made it clear to my ex that Im sorry , I made a huge mistake and I kept writing to her and calling her it drove her further away.. recently it looked like she was weakening a bit as we started talking again but any mention of hanging out or even the possibility of a 2nd chance she rejected those ideas.. she said why would she want to give me a 2nd chance. she is having a great time.. but she hasnt been with any guy sexually since me and we split up 1 year ago and its the same for me.. i havent been with any girl....

I made a mistake and i hope it doesnt cost me the love of my life. at the moment its seems it has but i just want her back... 13 months ago , my ex wanted to marry me.. she was always hinting for me to buy her the RING.... We were on the verge of moving intogether.. we were not just boyfriend and girlfriend.. we were lovers, best friends and soulmates... Obviously I cant be the only 1 hurting.. she must be hurting too.. but if she could give me the benefit of the doubt i would make damn sure she would never regret it.. but I have tried and tried and tried but to no avail... There are no problems meeting other girls if i wanted to.. thats what got me into this mess.. but to tell you the truth I want to exhaust all avenues of getting back with my ex first.. i dont want to be in a position in a couple of years and thinking " why didnt i try harder to win her back?" so at least im trying , BUT , She knows how i feel about her.. I cant do anymore... the ball is in her court now.. If our 4 years together meant something to her then I feel she will be back but I cant be certain of that.

Thanks Again.

[vitalcoaching]

good luck with that mate

 

Stay in touch

[sinnerboy]

hey,

sorry to hear that you are going throught so much pain for such long period of time. you mada a mistake, but we all do it we are just humans, no body is perfect. plus i think you are a little too hatrd on yourself, you just kissed the girl when you where drunk. you did not sleep with her (right).

you can only apologize for so long and you did it for a whole year. in my opinion you did everything you could to get her back, plust there is only so little you can do. the rest it is on her. i'm sorry to say the but i thimk you shoule move on. i know it is hard, but you have to start to think abou yourself now. i know i did not get my second chance too

 

good luck

 

ps

if you want to talk just shoot

[John1]

thanks, yes it was a drunken kiss but the way I told my ex .. thats what makes it unforgivable.. it happened while she was on holidays... i had 1 whole week before she came back to think about what i was going to say and the NIGHT she came home about 2 hours after seeing me for the 1st time in 2 weeks...I told her that I think we should be apart.. she wanted to know why.. she was devastated.. I told her I had MET someone else...

 

I was stupid.. I should have just told her that I drunkenly kissed another girl and it meant nothing but i made it out to be something much bigger than that and it has cost me my relationship...

I wonder what she thinks about in her spare time.. You know when your lying awake at night and all thoughts run through your head its just strange that she hasnt given me a 2nd chance.. Well Im not chasing anymore , I chased for 1 year... She knows how i feel... I have to get my dignity and pride back....thanks again