Looking for advice for my future

[JuniorSticks]

(sob story: )

I'm having that recurring feeling of being discouraged. I'm 21, in college, and I don't have a GF. Raise it up a notch: I've never had a GF, never been on a date. Back in high school, I avoided the whole dating/highschool relationship game that they all played, under the impression I had no business getting into any relationships at that age. Another thing I keep in mind is... don't mess around... if you can't see yourself spending the rest of your life with them, don't waste your and their time by leading them on. Also, I believe in abstinence, but I'm pretty darn sure that hasn't been my problem I've been asked out once (in high school), turned her down since I wanted to wait... and I didn't really find her attractive anyways (I knew her for a while before).

 

(end of history)

 

I've always sort of figured I'd end up meeting someone and gradually turning that into a relationship... but theres a problem... I don't meet many people. There's not many female programmers (programming, thats what I do). I don't go to bars, so I don't meet anyone there, and the nature of programming keeps me relatively holed up. I'm a pretty agreeable guy, I could keep up my appearance a tad better, but it seems pointless to do so for my audience of nobody.

 

Of course, I've also thought about online sites like... eharmony or stuff like that. I just don't care to go broadcasting to the world about my sexual preferences, things... and its probably just my own bias, but it always seemed that those sites are full of people who just want to get it on in bed. (While I certainly wouldn't mind that, ) thats not really the main reason I want a GF... if that makes any sense.

 

 

I probably sound rather confused. I'm just looking for advice... (I think)

 

 

thanks!

[bluen]

To be honest, I think you need an attitude ajustment. I don't mean that to be cruel, but you are seeking something that you aren't willng to work for. I respect your choice to practice abstinence as it appears to be something important to you as an individual but it might be time to think outside your for box, not sexually but socially. I'm sure there are plenty of girls out there who share your values but you may need to do a little extra credit to seek them out. Good luck.

[JuniorSticks]

To be honest, I think you need an attitude ajustment. I don't mean that to be cruel, but you are seeking something that you aren't willng to work for. I respect your choice to practice abstinence as it appears to be something important to you as an individual but it might be time to think outside your for box, not sexually but socially. I'm sure there are plenty of girls out there who share your values but you may need to do a little extra credit to seek them out. Good luck.

 

Oh no I do know I need to make a 180 with my approach, no work, no reward, and I haven't even figured out where to start. I'm just trying to figure out and recognize myself right now. I'm here for insight...

[GoneCrazy]

Many/most people date a bunch of people before they find the "right one" very often do two people meet and they our each others first. Plus the dating game is training kinda what u do in high schhol like you i've never had a gf and I regret my teenage years now I have low self esteem no confidence an every girl I see i say to myself " you ain't ever gonna get her don't bother just move on" pretty sad way to live if u as me, I'll give u advice that I should be fallowing and that is go do random group things or event were there are girls

[DreamerGirl27]

Did you fall from Heaven? Because your values are all the same as mine as far as what you're looking for.

[JuniorSticks]

Many/most people date a bunch of people before they find the "right one" very often do two people meet and they our each others first. Plus the dating game is training kinda what u do in high schhol

 

I don't think I understood the first part of that... but I know what you mean about the dating game. It certainly would loosten you up... but I've never once found myself envious of all the drama it seemed to cause. Not to say it's all just a game, either, I know two who were perfect together (and they still are).

 

like you i've never had a gf and I regret my teenage years now I have low self esteem no confidence

 

I don't think I regret my teenage years. I don't regret much of anything, really. And your esteem... don't be so harsh on yourself, especially for past choices or past performance. You'll feel better when you actually try hard and know you did your best. After all, you can't do much better, and if you still suck at it, well, hope it wasn't job related

 

I'll give u advice that I should be fallowing and that is go do random group things or event were there are girls

 

Just make sure that it gives you a chance to actually... talk to them, you know? I've personally been thinking about re-learning to play the piano. I used to be pretty good, and I could probably play decently again, if I spent some time trying. The piano is actually next to an indoor food court, so assuming I'm not torture (I don't think I am) that may create opportunities for me, if I do it right.

 

I just don't know how to improvise and approach girls I've never met, to strike up conversation just like that. Also, I think I'm pretty bad at recognizing subtle hints... but it may also be that I don't ever give them the chance to begin with.

 

Did you fall from Heaven? Because your values are all the same as mine as far as what you're looking for.

 

Aww thanks! That gives me hope and made my day, you know?

 

I don't mean that to be cruel

 

It's alright, no offense taken really. I came for this, real advise (I'm listening).

 

Good luck.

 

No kidding. Could you put some more of that in a box and send it to me?

 

 

 

 

Anyway I'm just saying sort of my thought process. I don't really have any peers to talk with this kind of stuff about, so thank you