Belts Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 Hello, everybody. This is my first post here. My girlfriend of two and a half years broke up with me a week and four days ago because I broke her trust for me. At least, that was her initial reason. I have lied to her about little things, such as smoking cigarettes when we were trying to quit, being the main one. Let me explain. We both were smokers when we started dating. Together, we decided to quit. This failed time and time again for the both of us. Eventually, she got better at it and me, not so much. I would manage to stay quit with her until things would get stressful and I would start smoking again behind her back. I just couldn't bring myself to tell her. Every time she would eventually find out, and be VERY upset with me. She threatened to break up a couple of times, but was never serious about it and we'd manage to get over it. The last time she found out, she was informed by a friend who knew I had been smoking again. This was the final straw to her, and that's when she broke up with me. So she has taken these incidents, and sees it as I have permanently ruined her trust for me. It has gotten so bad that she accuses me of taking pills from her dad, who is known to take too much and run out, and having webcam sex with other women, neither of which I have done, nor ever would. The story does not end here, my friends. Let me now give you some general background knowledge of our relationship. We have so much in common, it was unreal to us in the best of ways. We are both hippies at heart. We both enjoy classic rock. I introduced my favorite band to her in the first few weeks of our relationship, and that has since then been her favorite band also. As of right now she has a song of their's on her myspace page. We are both very artsy; her being a glass blower, and me more of a drawer/painter/photoshopper. We both enjoy the outdoors, and have gone on countless adventures. We are both quiet-till-ya-get-to-know-us. This list could go on and on. Now, let me explain our differences. She has gone through a lot of very horrible things in life. She was raped as a child, she had abusive step parents, she went through a traumatic bike accident that left her unconscious in the hospital, and she has had both mentally and physically abusive boyfriends in the past. She has been diagnosed with post traumatic stress syndrome and has been on medication and through therapy. She is also bisexual, which leads me into the next chapter. She made me aware of her sexuality right away, and I had no problem with it, although no experience, which I explained to her. She basically told me that she can't help her feelings toward females and that I have to be prepared for that to come up in our relationship if I am to be with her. I said that I could be OK with that as long as she is always honest with me doesn't do things in front of other guys or without giving me some indication before hand. We agreed, and ended up falling so deeply in love that, for two and a half years, I was the only sexual partner she needed or cared about. After she began feeling so strongly towards me and telling me I give her everything she needs, it rarely came up again. Now that she has broken up with me, she has been seeing another female. She let me know this about a week after she broke up with me by telling me, "She practically raped me, but it's OK. She is so hot, and she wouldn't have it any other way. I even have the bite marks to prove it!" I of course was a little shocked and speechless about it, since she had never done this throughout the course of our relationship. She only became more vengeful and started saying things like, "What? You said you never cared. Was that a lie, too?" She is refusing to see that this would not have been a problem for me had she not been telling me things like, "I never need another woman, you are everything I need." Of course, I fully respect the fact that she is a single woman now, and I am not jealous that she is seeing this female, but it hurts me that she would rub it in my face in such a way. Now let me explain how she is handling the break up, and why it makes it so hard for me. She lives in a small town with her father, and has always wanted to move out. Word travels fast in her town, and with that; drama. There are a lot of bad people, and some good people. She has had acquaintances (I say this because she always told me she couldn't call them friends) in this town, a few of which she had when we started dating, but most we've met together. These "acquaintances" are not good people. One couple, the couple which ruined my cigarette secret; the woman * * * * * * herself out to pay rent while the man sits at home and plays video games. The other people are drunks, drug addicts, and thieves. This is the circle of people that we've had contact with in her town. I always felt above them, and she did too, but we'd hang out anyway just because the town is so small there really is no one else. Now she is totally drowning herself in these people. She lost her license and is failing out of school. She refuses to go home and tell her father about it all, so she has been staying with these people. They feed her lies, alcohol, and from what I hear, possibly pills and drunken sex. She has told several people that she wants to kill herself. I have seen her once, since the breakup, and I can tell she has lost weight drastically. Her face is all red and blotchy and her hair greasy. This hurts me so bad. This is not the girl I once knew. She is throwing her life away, and avoiding people who truly care about her. I have talked to some of her good friends, and she will have nothing to do with them. She does not want me to talk to her at all. I know I have to respect her decision and leave her alone, but it has been so hard. I feel like I can't sit back and let such an amazing and beautiful person throw their life away. I still love her, and have no reason ever not to. She has been through so much * * * * and I spent an entire two and a half years being there for her, loving her, and making her happy. I feel like no matter what she does, if she were to come back to me, I would take her with open arms. Unfortunately I have gone a little overboard trying to help her. I have messed up and gone over to this couples house where she stays, not intentionally to see my ex, but to talk to them and try to get them to see my side of the story. Of course, my ex showed up and that did not go well. I am also guilty of bombarding her phone and facebook page with messages, begging her to talk to people who can help her and not to throw her life away. I am done with that, though. I just wrote her one last letter, hand written, as follows; Dear (ex), I have been acting crazy; showing up at (person)'s house and calling you. I agree with the breakup. I think it's the best thing for the both of us. In fact, I could see it coming for a while. I truly wish you the best of luck. Sincerely, (me) That is the last contact that will be made from my side. I just wish I could stop the thoughts. I know she is hanging out with all the wrong people, people of whom she could never stand to be around for prolonged periods of time before. She is destroying her life, and they are helping. OK, so hopefully you understand a little bit about my situation now. But, there are a few more points I must make before I conclude. So, she broke up with me because I broke her trust. Period. Now it gets weird. When I was at this couple's house where my ex goes, there was one of her "friends" (she's always told me she sees him as a scumbag) there, we'll call him Bob. Bob was freaking out because there was a rumor going around that he was already sleeping with my ex, and said, "I haven't slept with her since she broke up with (the guy she was dating before me)" This caught my attention, because she always assured me that she never had sex with Bob before and that he disgusts her (he's been known for a lot of scumbag type stuff). She told me about every other person she has had any sort of physical relationship with. But she never told me about Bob. And the reason that's strange to me is, she has hung out with Bob behind my back once before when we had a fight, and claims that nothing happened. However, I find out they've had sexual relations before and she has always lied to me about that. It makes me feel like she was trying to cover something up. She had no problem telling me about other guys she's slept with who we hung out with a lot. Why would she not tell me about this one guy? Also, I was told by a friend that my ex told him that she slept with this same girl she is sleeping with now, while we were dating, and that she told me about it. This is not true. She never mentioned a word to me. She always told me she didn't need ANYONE else but me. According to my friend, this happened months ago. I just don't get it. We loved each other so much. She breaks up with me because I lied to her about little things, and come to find out she has been lying to me about certain things also. She is totally not being herself. Her anger and vengeance is taking over her whole being, and she is throwing everything, not just me, that she once loved away; replacing it all with terrible things that will only bring her down further. I want her to come out of it and realize that it doesn't have to be like this. I want her to realize she lied to me just like I did to her. I want her to see that we are both only human, and that this can be fixed. What do I do, guys? Was the letter followed by no more contact a good idea? I don't want to see her end up in jail, the hospital, or DEAD. She doesn't want help from anyone and she is letting horrible people ruin her. This is such a mess. Link to comment
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