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Need to figure out how to solve all problems...


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So, now I've been 5 months on probation already, for doing something really stupid while being drunk, following my exhibition that did not take place, loosing my job, etc. At least that was the final "blast" I needed to quit drinking.

The biggest problem now is that I cannot get a job to move out my mothers house, I terribly want my own appartment. My confidence just stops working anytime I'm close to some girl because I know that my mother is the kind of person who would not accept anything if it does not work the way she wants it. I know that anytime I tell her that I'm meeting some girl I hear: "probably she's just a drinking b***h" or "I guess you're too coward to tell that you're a criminal" and that sort of s**t all the time.

The joke is that I'd never date a b***h or lie about the things I've done, and still I know that the girls I meet are not the ones she'd like to see (even a tattoo would make her think that the girl's retarded) and I know that she's gonna scare her away if I ever invite someone, therefore I NEED my own appartment and MY OWN LIFE.


BUT - My knowledge and experience does not fit the things needed on the market right now, so I go to the unemployment agency and apply for some courses, but I've been waiting for months and they just don't start because the lists are too damn long (my country rocks). Basically I don't know anything I could do right now. I even twice sold some scrap metal left by my father after their divorce to get at least some money.


Though I'm painting and putting FX and synths on a bands songs, I won't get any money from that, It's just what I like doing that keeps me away from going completely nuts due to being in poverty.


I just want to know what are the steps that I could take in such a situation where even education in order to get a job is something that could take up to a year to start.

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Hey CrazyKing,


Big congratulations on finally kicking the sauce; I'm sorry it came at such a cost, but at least you have a chance to rebuild. It's a rough time right now to be in the situation you're in, no doubt, but rest assured there is hope.


Here are some ideas that might help you find a way to get yourself going:


1. Make finding a job your full-time job. Dedicate your time and energy to it each day. If you don't have web access at home for searching, go to a local library; most have it, and a library card is free. Once you get it, research resume-building tips and create one, even one that just has one job on it. When you are asked why you left your previous position, be honest but upbeat: "I lost my job due to alcoholism, but I am now in recovery and sober for [x] months/years, and I am ready and willing to work."


2. Don't worry about having little or no experience. Many jobs just require that you are willing and able and can demonstrate a bit of intelligence. And importantly: don't pass over "crappy" jobs when you really need one. Go ahead and flip burgers, make lattes, work hourly for a gardener - whatever it takes. I don't know what it's like in your area, but some construction companies like getting cheap, entry-level workers; talk to the foreman, and be persistent!


3. If you have any computer / office skills, sign up with 6-8 temporary agencies like Kelly Services (you can look them up online). Go in, tell them you don't have a lot of experience but are willing to work, and let them test your office skills. Even basic filing and typing jobs can help you get you back on your feet. Once you're signed up, call each one of them every morning and ask them what they have for you. The squeaky mouse gets the cheese! Oh, and when you finally update your resume to include all this piecework, you can put it under one heading rather than listing each individual agency (e.g., Position: Temporary Worker. Employer: Kelly, PeopleSource, and [whatever]. Then list the things you accomplished during your temp jobs.


4. Don't give up! It make take a while to find an initial job, let alone somwhere you can be for a while. You are doing a very worthy thing, though: creating a life for yourself that will enable you to be your own person and give you the wherewithal to create a good situation for yourself that keeps you away from the drink.


5. Don't fall off the wagon. Don't give in. Stay sober, keep yourself as groomed and neat as you can so you're ready for an interview at any time, and remember that even though you're having a rough time, you're still a good person, a willing worker, and that you can make a future for yourself.


I wish you good fortune and hope you remember to smile at yourself in the mirror.


Light and laughter,


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Oh, and about the relationship side of things:


Don't take women home to meet your mother.

As hard as it is, don't listen to what your mother says about people. Let it slide off you like water off a duck's back. (Easier said, I know, but try; it can help).

Don't let the facts of your current situation stop you from meeting people.


Do keep yourself open to possibility with women; do date when you can.

Do communicate with potential and actual dates; be honest about your situation (in recovery, currently poor, working on getting out of the house, etc.) without dwelling on it too much or making it the only topic of conversation.

Do make time to spend just for yourself - not job hunting, not taking care of or listening to your mom, etc. Listen to music, read, take a walk - you're worth the effort.

Do look yourself in the eye in the mirror, smile, and say, "Hey, you're okay!"

Do find the humor even in difficult situations. Smiles and laughter are good for you, and can endear you to others as well.


Light and laughter,


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In the country where I live about 50% of all the people from 20-28 are unemployed, all in all the situation is very depressive and my biggest record was to keep myself in a very good mood for about a week in a row, but then it starts again - even for the most primitive jobs they demand experience here...

Even if I don't have to sit in prison right now it feels like the whole small town (about 13,000 people) is one... Plus I can't even stay out after 11:00 at night without being phoned like every 5 minutes about being a bad son, a criminal alcoholic and being told that I get thrown out of the house if I show up later...

I watch like 200 awailable jobs on the internet every day and 90% of them demand something that I don't know and the rest are "work online" crap or multi level marketing...


My only hope now for a job is a sawmill where once in a while some worker gets fired for drinking... And I just can't think about relationships until I don't rent my own appartment... After calculating I get like 70$ from the government every month, courses that don't take that long to start and are provided by private educational facilities cost a whole lot more...


Perhaps this post is the result of my mother phoning me again all the time just because I was "too long" driving around with a pal and walking through the park...

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