I don't know why I am doing this

[mercurial100]

Hi everyone,

 

I don't really know why I am writing but felt the urge too - this comes after my last message of last week but I hope it's not too long and you stay with it.

 

I was with my girlfriend for two years, prior to this we went out with each other for a couple of months four years ago. We have always liked each other but two years ago we started going out and within 6 months had moved in together.

 

I can honestly say that in my mind this girl was perfect, I loved her more than I have ever loved anyone or anything, we had some great times, some fantastic Holidays but last Monday she told me it was over. We were due to move out of our apartment tomorrow and into a new one - she arranged this apartment and two weeks ago was getting quotes for our December 2010 holiday. She seemed happy, everyone I know says all she did was talk about me and the new apartment she was looking forward to moving into and nobody can believe she has left me.

 

She did the old "I love you but I am not in love with you". I've always had a feeling she didn't properly fancy me..she is gorgeous (a well known Model in England) and at the beginning of our relationship people told me she was only with me for my money - I didn't believe this and still don't, I think you know when someone loves you and I had no doubt that she did, I also had no doubt that she was completely faithful to me.

 

So why did it go so wrong? She went out on a Friday night and the following day told me that she felt we were too different and didn't have a future together, within a day she was fine and we had a great week only for her to say the same a week later..this time I moved into my mums (100 miles away from where I lived with her) and we have hardly spoken since. Her mum called me to ask what had happened, she too is as gobsmacked as me!

 

I get the feeling she was went out, got a bit bored with our relationship (i take some of the blame, it maybe got a tiny bit stale) and felt the grass was greener. Other better looking people would have shown her attention and as a result she seems to have gone.

 

What do I do? Things are getting slightly easier, I am still not eating or sleeping but I don't have the anxiety attacks that I did at first. I am sometimes upbeat but then it suddenly hits me and I sink in to what feels like a new low - a low I didn't even know existed, it's like a wave just fills me with grief.

 

How soon should I look for other women? I have joined a dating agency already - I am embarrassed to say that but I feel some comfort in seeing who else is out there but I am adamant they won't want me.

 

I am trying to let go, we are not talking and I am proud that I havent chased her but there is a tiny part of me which hopes she comes back and says she has made a mistake but another tiny part tells me I shouldn't accept her back, purely because of what she has put me through.

 

Any suggestions, ideas and how quickly should I look for new love? I'm lost, I have nowehere to live (obviously not moving into the new apartment) and my friends live all over the country so I dont have a select circle of friends. Arrghh!!

[Ebrithil]

Hey I can understand your pain quite well and I hope that its somthing you can see and end to and feel better each day. I was in a similar circumstance where I fell out with my best friend and it tore my heart out and I only ever truly recovered when a year and a half later we started talking again.

I would sugest to you that you try to revive some part of your friendship with her, so maybe you arent suited to each other in so much as a relationship but that is only an extension of a friendship and if your relationship didnt end on a bad note then you could always keep in contact and enjoy each others company as friends like you did before you started your relationship.

As for when to start looking for a new relationship maybe this is why Im still single but Iv always thought that a relationship will find you when the time is right if you look for a relationship you can miss the early stages of its building. I think part of the fun of the relationship is getting to know somone the shy gestures testing the other persons reactons to you and subtle jokes. If you aim stright for a relationship some times you can miss that.