Its been 10 weeks and I havent been that positive

[Jillnevingal]

I was with my ex for 4 and a half years. We split up because we were stuck in a complete rut and had stopped trying with each other.

 

The first weeks I felt OK and had a lot to do, with moving out and all that goes with that. Also we met for coffee several times so the situation was all current, we were still in touch and missing each other, angry and hurt sometimes, basically I was still detaching from him.

 

But then NC started on his side. He actually told me (after an angry phone call) that he didnt want to ever see me again. And I didnt hear from him at all. in this time, i was slowly looking for an apartment and a job but didnt do much of anything apart from that. And in the evenings I would think about him (I never caved in and contacted him though, after him saying he never wanted to see me again I knew I would seem very clingy and desperate if I made any contact.) I just used to listen to sad music, look on the internet for articles about breaking up, read.

 

I recently heard from him. He sent me an email after 7 weeks of no contact. He basically said he was sorry for his part in the breakdown of our relationship and that he wished me well. A few days after this, a friend of mine saw him. Apparently he was full of life and the things he told her he had been doing sounded really great and productive. Also she told me things like he is going on holiday soon, i dont know just basically he sounded like he was having great time and coping extremely well.

 

Me on the other hand, I am doing OK, but I am a bit in limbo and still definitely a bit stuck. At night I read stuff on enotalone, in the day i look for work and a different apartment (man a job would be great right now I would love the opportunity to be busy and meet people!! so far only rejections..)

 

I feel i need to shake myself up a bit. Tonight I have been downloading upbeat music for example, for a change. i feel I should be thinking about and interested in new things. Maybe take a class in something. Its like I want to fast forward to the day when I have a great boyfriend, great place to live, fun stuff going on, just happy and interesting, you know? At present, all I have done is mourn and think and slowly try to move on.

 

Also one really bad thing is I keep waiting for a second email. (or phone call or text or whatever) I am not obsessed but for example if im away from my computer all day when I come back i check first thing and feel a bit down when there is nothing there

 

Any advice appreciated. Thanks for letting me share

[Jillnevingal]

Maybe I should remember more how unhealthy our relationship was, how irresponsible he was, how moody, maybe being angry about things is more positive than sadness and feeling like I miss him and us (I would never break NC though, for some reason i am strong enough completely not to contact him)

[SadAndy]

i can totally relate to what you are saying about checking emails etc.

 

My ex is blissfully happy with her new bloke and has got over me (after 14 yrs) with 12 weeks! I know she isn't coming back but for some reason I still want to hear those words; i regret dumping you. I know it will never happen, she isn't the sort.

 

All I can say is what everyone else is telling me, time!

 

It sucks and isn't fair that they can move on but I suppose they knew it was coming!