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im so jelouse


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hello all

i am a male aged 49 and have been married for over 30 years, i have 4 children who i love dearly. they are now all grown and left home.

problem now is i keep thinking about my wife's ex partner (with whom she lost her virginity at 15) she was with him for 1 year and he treated her badly,used to have money off her and hit her twice. i was a virgin. even thou we got married when she was 17 and i was 19 we have been very happy over the years

i do not know why its become such a big issue in my life its driving me mad.

if i ask her for sex and she says shes tired or not well i see her with this other boy/man and go hot and bad tempered i would never hit her but i cannot stay in bed and say i am going down stairs. shes never had a lot of sex drive and i have a big sex drive,now she thinks once a fortnight is enough at our age.

i have told her how i am feeling and she said he was a mistake and i should not think about itis it my problem or hers for doing it so young i keep coming up with different ideas of what she must have been thinking of to go with him so young.or is it because i was a virgin and never went with a girl. i need help please to answer these questions thanks for reading this post hope to get some good info back. dave

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It's not healthy to dwell on something that should've been absolved many years ago, especially when it's concerning someone who was barely out of childhood at the time.


Your main issue seems to be not having enough sex. You said she never had a lot of sex drive to begin with, and she's probably going to have even less with age. It's something you're just going to have to work through by talking about it yourselves, or getting a bit of outside help with a therapist if you can't get it sorted.

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You've been married to her for over 30 years. Surely, she must love you to stay with you that long.


The past is the past, there is nothing that you can do but to accept it. If she didn't think you were right for her, she wouldn't have married you. Clearly she saw something there within you, that felt you were the one.


If you're happy, then you need to focus on that. Dwelling on the past after such a long period of time is never helpful. Perhaps you should considering seeking some therapy to get it out of your system?


If you feel that your relationship is lacking in passion, why not suggest going away together?

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thanks for the advice. have been under a lot of stress at the moment with illness and hospital visits i have been prescribed anti-depresents and feeling a lot better about myself i have counciling in may and will hopefully be able to look forward instead of backwards thanks again for advice.

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