veralyn Posted May 9, 2010 Share Posted May 9, 2010 He's been more or less avoiding me all year. But then randomly emails me random things. Why???? Reaches out to me in his weird, confused ways. I responded eagerly and openly for a while, hoping to reconcile. But his behaviour didn't change. I've now stopped responding, because though I miss him and know he still sometimes thinks of me and wish in my heart that everything would magically work out again, I have become too hurt and proud to respond. kills me to not answer him, but i refuse to be his puppet and get hurt all over again. Too much has happened, it's hard for me to look past it at this point; it would take an awful lot of mending.. it would be so worth it.. but i just don't know how to get there at this point or if it's even possible.. and i have no idea what his random reaches out to me mean.. Every time I've tried to have a conversation that confronts the issue, he just dodges it. There's this incredibile tension, if we are ever going to be okay again we need to talk it through, but i don't see that conversation happening anywhere in the near future. And I don't think forcing it out of him would do much. Is he reaching out just to check in, for an ego boost? Or is he truly hinting that he wants to fix the damage but is just too cowardly to outwardly say that? Should I keep up the NC??? Link to comment
ToF Posted May 9, 2010 Share Posted May 9, 2010 If his behavior says that he's not interested, then that's what you should be paying attention to. He can SAY whatever he wants to you, especially since he has the security of a girlfriend, but unless he DOES something about it, then he's not looking to fix anything. Link to comment
veralyn Posted May 9, 2010 Author Share Posted May 9, 2010 If his behavior says that he's not interested, then that's what you should be paying attention to. He can SAY whatever he wants to you, especially since he has the security of a girlfriend, but unless he DOES something about it, then he's not looking to fix anything. i know. but that's exactly what i mean... his behaviour is mixing me up. he doesn't talk to me for a month. but then sends me a song he wrote or something... and i haven't innitiated anything for a while; it's all him. so what does that mean? i've stopped answering him whenever he does randomly contact me like i said... because i don't want to just be strung along... but what if he's actually trying to say hello and i'm shutting it down because i think he's playing games and he'll get discouraged trying? lol..... Link to comment
ToF Posted May 9, 2010 Share Posted May 9, 2010 I know what you mean.. But think about it ... Really think about it. Do you honestly think he's doing anything more than playing with you? He has a girlfriend, and has not made a move to reconcile, from what you've posted here. Sure, he's made it apparent that he gets bored and lonely at times, and that he may miss you every so often, but that's it. 'Behavior' means more than just sending you emails/talking to you. Behavior would mean breaking it off with his girlfriend and making his intentions with you VERY obvious. Link to comment
Anotherday Posted May 9, 2010 Share Posted May 9, 2010 i know. but that's exactly what i mean... his behaviour is mixing me up. he doesn't talk to me for a month. but then sends me a song he wrote or something... and i haven't innitiated anything for a while; it's all him. so what does that mean? i've stopped answering him whenever he does randomly contact me like i said... because i don't want to just be strung along... but what if he's actually trying to say hello and i'm shutting it down because i think he's playing games and he'll get discouraged trying? lol..... Sounds similar to what I was dealing with before I held his feet to the fire, so to speak. I think he's stringing you along, keeping you on the hook "just in case." Kudos to you for not answering him and keep up the NC. Link to comment
veralyn Posted May 9, 2010 Author Share Posted May 9, 2010 I know what you mean.. But think about it ... Really think about it. Do you honestly think he's doing anything more than playing with you? He has a girlfriend, and has not made a move to reconcile, from what you've posted here. Sure, he's made it apparent that he gets bored and lonely at times, and that he may miss you every so often, but that's it. 'Behavior' means more than just sending you emails/talking to you. Behavior would mean breaking it off with his girlfriend and making his intentions with you VERY obvious. i know... i've realized all this... i'm not contradicitng you, i actually fully agree that in an ideal situation this is right. at the same time though, i know this boy through and through better than most. he puts on a tough front but is pretty cowardly inside. he stayed with a girl he absolutely despised for 2 and a half years just because he felt guilty dumping her because she cried every time he tried. meanwhile he was still in love with me the whole time and didn't do anything except "hint" about it..... i think i will keep up NC... and if he starts to try a little harder, maybe reciprocate a bit... but right now i'm too afraid of getting further hurt so even if i did talk to him, it wouldn't be in the right mentality, and it would be with fear in the back of my mind, and it would all go to cr*p. and i think he does miss me sometimes. but it's been so long, long distances, things have changed etc, that the missing isn't strong enough to act on it... know what i mean? it's more of a memory that he misses. it's getting to that point for me too. i think if we ever were to work out again, it would have to be some kind of spontaneous encounter... the universe would have to do us a favour or something lol. i don't think there's anything we can DO at this point (sorry. most of that wasn't related to your reply. im just thinking out loud lol). Link to comment
veralyn Posted May 9, 2010 Author Share Posted May 9, 2010 Sounds similar to what I was dealing with before I held his feet to the fire, so to speak. I think he's stringing you along, keeping you on the hook "just in case." Kudos to you for not answering him and keep up the NC. should i tell him why i am not talking to him? he has no idea... thanks for the advice Link to comment
rigguy Posted May 9, 2010 Share Posted May 9, 2010 You have no obligation to. Your ex pulled away (all the way IMHO, NEW GF AND ALL), did he announce he is going to do that? If he asks, explain exactly what you said in this thread, straight up (bar you being broken up about it of course). Don't go into details or make your reply lengthy. My reply might be bias as I don't know your story directly. If you want to be on the safe side stay NC and you will find someone who will give you 100% Link to comment
Sanesoul Posted May 9, 2010 Share Posted May 9, 2010 In my opinion, he's putting his feelers out, trying to see if there's any hope of you being where he wants you to be...there when he needs you for whatever reason. Link to comment
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