How to respond to "Why are you being weird?"

[Seymore]

I can't speak for other guys, but I have been shot down by my fair share of women. Usually I'll see a girl at a regular spot of mine and start talking and joking around with them. Things get friendly, I ask them out, I get shot down. It happens.

 

So the next time I see said girl, I'm a little more reserved. Not as talkative, a little more distant, but still friendly, not mean or rude, just civil. But she wants to talk and joke around like nothing happened, and when I don't feel the same way, 8 times out of 10 I get "Why are you being weird?"

 

Don't they get it? I opened myself up and got shot down. Am I really supposed to still be buddy-buddy with someone I'm interested in? Is it wrong to distance myself a bit from a girl I just got turned down by, or am I really being "weird"?

[ay0_x]

Trust me, they probably KNOW why you're being weird, but a part of them thinks "But I didn't lead you on, you have no right to be angry at me. Please stop acting like this because I shouldn't have to feel guilty!". trust me, when we reject a guy, we always expect things to be weird. We don't want these expectations met, though.

[digger11]

poster above me gave some solid advice. perfectly said.

 

and no, you're not weird. it's completely understandable.

 

one thing to question though is the connection. just because you can be romantic do you want to lose a good friend? is something better than nothing at all?

[Seymore]

if there's not much of a connection in the first plqce (like we're not hanging out anyway), then it really doesn't matter to me. And like I said, I still keep it civil and friendly, just not to the degree THEY want, I suppose. It almost seems to me like they're saying: "but I want all the laughs and flirting and compliments still, but you're being weird because I don't want to go out with you". Almost like it's some self serving ego thing to them.

[vidman]

Oh, it IS some self serving ego thing to them. People just love the flirting and compliments thing, not just women.

 

I totally understand where you are coming from, Where I work, I interact with a lot of people, and the people I work with too. We see the same people all the time and I tend to flirt a lot with the women, but once I am rejected by one of them, I see no reason to be all flirty and compliment them.

 

I mean is it that hard to understand, "I flirted because I was interested, now there is no chance, so i am not going to waste my time." That is a little more direct then I would put it in person, but that is exactly what is going on.

 

Trust me, they know it, and they want the flirty compliments, but just not more, and they are a little angry with you because of that.

 

I don't think it's really your fault, or mine for that matter.

 

any0 x hit the nail on the head. They are thinking that you have no right to be angry with them, and to a certain degree they are right, but they have no right to expect there to be nothing different after they reject you.

 

Don't feel bad, you can't be expected to be on your game 100% of the time, especially when you know, in this game, you will never have a chance to get off the bench. (baseball metaphor, check it out, I am a writer)

[pinkelephant]

oh god, i hate it when girls do that. they just want another ego boost. "why are you being weird" is so tacky. they know why.

[Seymore]

Wow...ALL my LIFE, I've felt bad when asked that, like "Man, am I really being weird?" and have felt so mean by not being all buddy buddy even after getting shot down. This is an eye-opener! Not that I've gotta be mean, but you know what I mean.

[HouseKitten]

Other people have already put out why they're saying it - all I'd add is, from their reaction I'd say you're not coming off as nonchalant as you think you are. If you really were being just as friendly but not as forthcoming, I don't think they'd feel justified in asking at all. You must be giving out a proper 'I'm pissed at you' vibe.

 

Obviously if you're fine with that then no harm but if you'd rather not keep getting the question, why not just be completely normal and friendly, but never ask them out again and make a polite excuse to leave asap? If you're pretending to be genuinely fine about it then suddenly having to go doesn't come accross as badly as if you're being purely 'civil' with them.

 

But like I said, depends on what impression you want to give

[Seymore]

You must be giving out a proper 'I'm pissed at you' vibe.

 

Maybe I'm overly nice and hanging around, and afterwards I'm just "nice" and not sticking around? Could be that too. I'm not going to openly act like a baby about it, that's not me, and that is a pissed off vibe.

[HouseKitten]

I'm not going to openly act like a baby about it, that's not me, and that is a pissed off vibe.

 

There's certainly a middle ground between being a baby about it and being angry about it

 

Indifference is powerful. If you can appear to be truly nice to someone in a way that suggests their rejection is of no consequence to you, that's more disconcerting to people than a vibe that says they affected you.

[artistic1]

If you like her but she doesn't reciprocate, why bother? If you can flirt and talk to girls like that, try your luck on another one. You did it with her, you should try it again on someone else. It's a numbers game,,, don't get caught up on just one chick.

[user83]

Wow...ALL my LIFE, I've felt bad when asked that, like "Man, am I really being weird?" and have felt so mean by not being all buddy buddy even after getting shot down. This is an eye-opener! Not that I've gotta be mean, but you know what I mean.

 

Other people have already put out why they're saying it - all I'd add is, from their reaction I'd say you're not coming off as nonchalant as you think you are. If you really were being just as friendly but not as forthcoming, I don't think they'd feel justified in asking at all. You must be giving out a proper 'I'm pissed at you' vibe.

 

Obviously if you're fine with that then no harm but if you'd rather not keep getting the question, why not just be completely normal and friendly, but never ask them out again and make a polite excuse to leave asap? If you're pretending to be genuinely fine about it then suddenly having to go doesn't come accross as badly as if you're being purely 'civil' with them.

 

But like I said, depends on what impression you want to give

 

There's certainly a middle ground between being a baby about it and being angry about it

 

Indifference is powerful. If you can appear to be truly nice to someone in a way that suggests their rejection is of no consequence to you, that's more disconcerting to people than a vibe that says they affected you.

 

 

When i started my first job outta school, there was a girl my age in another dept. She was so cool, blah blah blah. I knew she liked me, atleast in a friend. I wanted to play it cool, so I asked her to lunch. I didnt flirt with her, and didnt pay for her. I wanted to keep her as a friend, to build a social circle here and not create any drama, because i didnt want that at all in my first job, as i thought of it.

 

When I asked her the second time, she basically gave me a speech how she didnt have money blah blah blah. But ive seen her go out like everyday lol.

I took it as she was telling me she didnt even want to be friends, to beat it. Thats what I did. And she wouldnt leave me alone. I thought of her before this drama, as a best friend that i was going to know even after this job. Now, my reaction is she is a total beep. I can not even describe what she use to do behind closed doors to mess with me, alot of times even in front of peers. And my reason for not speaking up, is her mom worked here. I liked her mom(funny person), and I was afraid that was going to stop her mom from talking to me.

 

TWO years later, we can not be in the same room. The emotional truma that we both been through makes it that much uncomfortable.

 

And the funny part is, its not like i would have said no to the idea of being friends if she thought I was making a move.

 

Ive learned what women can do, and I also know the power of having women around you. My suggestion is be friends with those girls in those bars. You dont have to be best friends, but keep them on the back burner. When you enter that bar looking for some "candy", having girls wave you down accross the bar to say hi removes any creeper status from you to on-lookers. Just keep this in mind.

 

They are making those comments because they are not getting your attn anymore. There women, let them whine all they want while you go smashing better looking girls.

[Gath]

This is the problem with trying to be friends with someone before you ask them out. You should alway make your intentions clear with a gal from the beginning. "friends-first" tactic is almost always a losing tactic.

[sff123]

i think it's more attractive to act like it doesnt bother you. the same girl might be more interested in you later after she's had time to think about it

[sff123]

i've had a girl turn me down for a reason that was unrelated to me ( i didn't know this at the time) and later accept. If i had acted offended after the initial rejection I don't know if this would have happened

[Cognitive_Canine]

When you really have feelings for someone, and they shoot you down...don't hang out with them.

 

It's really not fair to you. It just gives them a chance to prey on your feelings and milk an ego boost out of you.