Its broken for a reason

[fawndango]

Great reason not to get back together:

 

Four months ago I called my ex, told him i wanted to get back together, he said okay, I tried to go slower this time, and do the opposite of what i did before. Here is what happened:

 

He wasn't serious about getting back together, claimed recently that he said he didn't want anything serious (untrue)

The same things that happened before ended up happening again, we fell back into the same routine as hard as I tried not to.

And we got back to square one, except this time it took one month longer.

 

Long story short:

Its broken for a reason, no matter how you try to reverse it, it won't work, seems like you have to make the push the first time because the second time around, the magic has disappeared.

Like my boss said "You didn't think he changed his stripes did ya?"

 

My advice:

If you do get back together, look at what they DO and not what they SAY, make sure you both are on the same page, and don't have any expectations.

 

This time I dumped him before he could dump me!

[Sonicxman]

I agree but, we live and we learn.

[jellysandwich]

I feel like lots of important details were left out here.

 

How long were you broken up?

Why did he break up with you?

What during between the breakup and the reconciliation?

Did you work on your problems and improve yourself?

Did he work on his?

 

To name a few.

 

Also, he should've asked to get back together, not you.

 

Four months ago I called my ex, told him i wanted to get back together, he said okay, I tried to go slower this time, and do the opposite of what i did before.

[Brownstone322]

Also, he should've asked to get back together, not you.

That's the real story, not "it's broken for a reason," which is meaningless.

[coolchick64]

That's the real story, not "it's broken for a reason," which is meaningless.

 

I agree. I hate that phrase . . . BS!!

[Sonicxman]

Well, you got to think 1. if it's broken because of him, or 2. then it is broken because of her. Something cannot be fixed if both parties dont want commit or participate. It takes two people to make a relationship. She obviously doesn't want a relationship with this man, so "I agree".

[fawndango]

I feel like lots of important details were left out here.

 

How long were you broken up?

Why did he break up with you?

What during between the breakup and the reconciliation?

Did you work on your problems and improve yourself?

Did he work on his?

 

To name a few.

 

Also, he should've asked to get back together, not you.

We broke up for two months, i called him and said that i wanted to work things out. He said he had to think about it, he called three weeks later and said okay. He made an effort for the first three weeks, I acted different this time, by being more loving and appreciative of him, and he made no effort. In fact he was the opposite of the way he was the last time. I don't think his heart was into making this work. So i say if you do try to work things out, make sure that you BOTH want the same things and that you are on the same page, otherwise its the same end result.

 

I realized that we broke up because it wasn't meant to work. Both parties have to be committed to wanting it to work and I think it was more on my end. Why he agreed to try and work this out is beyond me.

[jellysandwich]

Why he agreed to try and work this out is beyond me.

 

Sex, attention, ego boost, etc etc.

 

But you're definitely right in that it takes two to make it work.

[brandnewday47]

From my point of view, all situations are different and making a general statement like that is assuming quite a lot. Even if things look unlikely to happen for me, it does not mean that another situation will be that way. It is a very big world after all

 

And in actuality I have no idea what will happen for me, BUT I know I will be much more prepared on my side when/if it does occur. If not, the breakup will give me a chance to eventually find the end goal of happyness.

 

The time apart must be spent productively if things are to be successful in a recon. Whether that be learning relationship skills, communication skills, etc. If this is not the case... well then cycles do repeat ](*,)

[lolgirl]

Agreed OP! I've always told myself that if me and the ex got back together, which at this point is a long shot...HE would be doing all the work, not me! Words mean nothing to me, at this point. We broke up because of his issues, and he has a long road ahead of him to fix them.

 

Great post, and thanks for the insight.