advice?

[missthinkpink]

My boyfriend broke up with me over a year ago now. We'd been together for two and a half years, since we were 17 and came to University together. We constantly argued and I was just a nightmare girlfriend to be honest and he just didn't try hard enough.

 

I wanted to cut off all contact when we broke up but he didn't want that so we stayed friends and it was really great. We go out for drinks and meals together about once or twice a month and talk fine.

 

At the start of the break up i struggled with my feelings and whenever i saw him when i was out drinking it always ended up with me telling him i still loved him etc etc.

 

However, the past couple of months i felt i'd moved on finally and we were better friends than ever and it was really working in that sense.

 

Then a couple of nights ago, we were both out and very drunk. Somehow we ended up kissing - i initiated it - for quite a while. We then talked afterwards with him saying it wasn't fair to go back there and he said it couldnt just happen with no consequences and because it was me it would always mean something more.

 

We then went our separate ways and i didn't see him again until the end of the night. I tried to talk to him but my friends wouldn't let me and tried to get me to go home. I can barely remember what we spoke about and in the end we both went home.

 

I haven't had the chance to talk to him since, nor do i know if it's a good idea. I am unsure what my feelings are now and feel like i'm right back at the beginning of the break up! I just don't want to lose his friendship at all because i couldn't not have him in my life at all but i don't know if that's for the best right now!

 

Any advice at all would be great!

[equinox]

Ahh alcohol, the lubricant that keeps the gears of ill decisions turning.

 

I generally advise people not to stay friends with past romantic interests as I believe you can never really see a person you've been intimate with in the same light after the relationship has ended.

 

Your post suggests to me that you haven't really moved on from him. What you need to ask yourself is what a friendship with this guy means to you. Perhaps you can have a friend in him but are you sure your desire to be a friend is not just a mask for what you still feel for him?

 

My advice is that if you find that you wish a relationship with this guy and it is doable (only you can decide this) then think about it. However if no relationship can manifest and you retain feelings then I would suggest you avoid him. The worst thing two people can do is attempt to remain friends when they still have a romantic interest.

[loulou37]

i'm feeling that you want to stay friends with this guy for all the wrong reasons, as equinox says....

 

The worst thing two people can do is attempt to remain friends when they still have a romantic interest.

 

it just won't work.