trying to work it out. need advice

[tunil]

ok heres the short version of my story. my wife and i have been together for 14 years. married for 3.5 years. 2 kids together. ok, my wife cheated on me a few months ago and decided to leave me. she ended up getting pregnant by this crackhead and had a miscarriage. now she still dont know if she wants me back, but she is finally communicating and coming clean with her actions. i am extremely confused as to what i should do or how i should feel. i lovve her so much. i think i can forgive her for her mistakes but dont know if trust could ever be restored. we are communicating now so we dont hate eachother because we have to see each other a lot to switch the kids and whatnot. the kids do not need to see any of this chaos. so anyway, i dont know what to say or not say. i dont know whether to try to win her back or just let her go. bottom line is she did me wrong. but i still love her so deeply. its hard to just let go when your heart wont let you. please tell me what you think. just please dont be too harsh. my fragile heart can only take so much. thank you

[mmmd]

move on. for your own good

[Mauxly]

Go to link removed.

You'll likely get a LOT of people on ENA telling you to chuck your marriage, but it can be salvaged. It will be extremely difficult but it can be done.

[AutumnBorn]

Tunil, infidelity is forgivable. (I know; I forgave my ex for his infidelity.) It's a symptom, not the real issue. You have to decide what is most important to you and your children.

 

Al Turtle's blog has some great insight. It's extensive. Google it and read all you can, but remember this: Safety is the most important factor in a good relationship - emotional and physical safety.

[preciousgirl82]

Im not married so this is diifcult for me to answer. As a single woman its very easy for me to say run away and never look back. But children are involved and that changes a lot. I love the idea of children with both both parents but its nbot healthy for them if the parents arent stable as a couple. I was always taught "once a cheater, always a cheater." I dont know if i necessarily believe that is 100% true. Only you know if you can take her back. Would your trust issues cause you to accuse her of things even when she was innocent? Do you really have it in your heart to forgive and move on (i mean REALLY move on. Which means, no mentioning it in the midst of every heated argument.) These are questions you have to ask yourself. Do you deep down in your heart forgive her enough to leave it in the past? Its easier said than done. If this issue is one thats gonna pop up ever so often then it might not be for the best. Maintain a solid and respectful relationship with her for the kids and find someone who wouldnt cheat on you in the first place.

[turnera]

Also go to link removed.

 

They have a lot of good steps to take to get you a better marriage than you had before.

[tunil]

thanks all. im still searching for the answers. i know i love her with everything that i am but just scared to death of getting torn apart all over again. i really appreciate all your input and welcome more. i need any words for or against trying to make it work or not. thanks again

[AutumnBorn]

Fight like hell. Love is worth it.

[turnera]

I will tell you that, of all the single (divorced) people I know, almost every single one of them said if they knew how hard it would be to find a mate they never would have divorced; that what was wrong with their spouse was nothing compared to all the people they've tried to date.