White lies at the beginning to impress?

[jamie7]

I've come here, because I've just recently caught myself stretching the truth/lying, and realize I've done it quite a bit. I'm 21, and want to stop this now.

 

The things I lie about are never big things - I couldn't do that. I don't lie about who I'm with, my whereabouts, things about other guys, my values and beliefs, really things of importance. But things like...lying to my ex-bf (who I am talking to again) about having been to a museum to impress him, about having seen a movie, or saying something insignificant happened to me when it happened to the person next to me, or saying something happened a couple of weeks before it actually did. I told these little lies or embellished stories within the first couple of months of the relationship for the most part. The things I say are so insignificant. I'm kicking myself!

 

Since realizing this, I have not lied. If I feel myself about to stretch the truth or lie, I stop myself or quickly make it right and tell the truth. I realize that I do not have to lie to impress. I am just so embarrassed that I felt that way at another time.

 

Do I go back and tell people about the each of the insignificant things I've lied about (that I actually haven't seen that movie or been to the museum, but my friend has and told me about it), or do I continue to move forward as I have been? These things have probably been forgotten now. I know that people tell white lies, or say things to impress - but I don't want these small things to bite me in the end. I want to be able to be trusted - I am faithful and a good friend, but have told really stupid little lies. I am working my hardest not to anymore.

[AJEDrew7]

What's done is done. So, no I wouldn't go back and try to explain each lie to people who probably wouldn't remember unless there are some things that are more significant that you've lied about. What's most important is that you've realized that what you're doing is both wrong and unnecessary and that just being yourself is the most important thing when getting to know people and hanging out with friends or whoever it may be.

[Speranza]

What's done is done. So, no I wouldn't go back and try to explain each lie to people who probably wouldn't remember unless there are some things that are more significant that you've lied about. What's most important is that you've realized that what you're doing is both wrong and unnecessary and that just being yourself is the most important thing when getting to know people and hanging out with friends or whoever it may be.

 

Great response. You realise this is about feeling inferior, right? So think about/work on that. KNOW you are a great person without the need to Impress.

 

And well done you for spotting this and having the integrity to tackle it before it gets worse! You are a strong person. Maybe if you still feel this urge, you could channel it into writing fiction?

[jamie7]

Thanks for the responses. Yes, I realize it's about feeling inferior. I feel foolish now. After being broken up with my ex for quite some time, I realize that I've done this for a long time, even in past relationships, or with my friends and family. I have been myself for the most part, and the things I've lied about don't make much difference (if any at all). I am myself when it comes to the important stuff, it's these little things.

 

I've caught myself several times and am proud of that. I just tend to feel guilty about little things and they eat me up. I told my mom about this problem and she said it would be silly to go back and tell the truth about those things - just to move forward and not lie about unnecessary things again. I am just afraid if my friends or ex knew about those stupid things they'd hate me or feel like they can't trust me. They can. I just was being an idiot. My mom says they'd probably laugh and say, "Why the hell did you feel like that would impress me?" and forget about it - or they'd forget anything was said at all.

[Speranza]

You have a great mom! Listen to her!!