I don't know where to begin healing from this one.

[warmpandacola]

I didn't realize I could love anyone this much. Maybe it's all in my head. Sometimes at night when I come home to sleep alone I sob and moan and ache it hurts so bad sometimes. I didn't know that one person could have this much of a hold on me. Then other days I'm doing good. I'm distracted enough to get by and sometimes enjoy myself or my friends and family. However, he's always creeping back into my head. Weekends are the worst because I'm stuck at a job that allows my mind to wonder more. I can't imagine having all my hopes and dreams with someone else. He's the one I want and it's terrible when you build up all of these expectations only to be dissapointed and hurt and not sure whether you could trust again to go through it all again with someone else. Thinking about that makes me realize how disposable loving someone seems to be because with the way society works if one relationship doesn't work out there are plenty fish in the sea. Kind of disgusting.

 

I did the whole emotional irrational stuff to my ex. Probably by doing that I probably ruined even that tiny thread of possibility. I looked like a fool and said things I didn't mean and said other things that I actually did mean. I was vulnerable and desperate. I'm trying to change that and stop appearing that way.

 

If I don't contact him, I find that he contacts me to see what I'm doing. Etc. I try not to read more into it since he likes saying that he's moved on and wants to be single doesn't want anyone. Whatever. Still makes me wonder why he still talks to me. Maybe it's a game cuz sometimes he'll say things then if I show interest he'll be like idk maybe.

 

I know I need to stop contact so I can heal but at the same time I'm sort of afraid to heal. I also don't want him to think that I don't care. He doesn't have a history of good friendships or family that show they care. I'm afraid that if he winds up sentenced to jail over a dumb traffic ticket where he used his twins social security number since he's on probation... If he goes to jail for a year he's already said he wouldn't do it. Basically telling me he'd kill himself instead of going to jail. He's got a messed up past that would take forever to write but I know he's so capably of being the kind, loving, faithful, hopeful guy I once knew but he's lost in himself in a dark place I think.

 

I guess I'll just have to suck it up and go through more of the pain and stop contact and just pray.

 

What else can you do?

[coolchick64]

I'm totally with you on the disposability of relationships. I'm come to believe that some people, or maybe all people at various times, don't want more than a shallow relationship. To me, a relationship is an investment---well worth making! And once you've made it, you shouldn't just chuck it aside. It's like planting a garden and then stomping on it as soon as the sprouts come up.

 

I don't know what to say about this guy and his motives for contacting you. However, I'd definitely recommend that you stop contacting him and, if he writes to you again, try to cultivate a more aloof attitude. Because of your history in the break-up, you need to show him you're independent and over it, even if you're not!

 

My other thought is that the pain you're feeling is partly for him, but mostly for the loss of love. You most certainly can have the same feelings for someone else. No, it won't be exactly the same, but it can be just as good in its own way. The worst part about breaking up, in my book, is no longer having someone I can express love to. So, you might use that anguish to motivate you to find someone new, because that's the loss you're experiencing. Make sense? I'm not suggesting you run out and start dating necessarily, but start moving in that direction: workout, buy some new clothes, start socializing more, all that stuff. If nothing else, it'll make you feel better about yourself and more optimistic about the future.

[warmpandacola]

Thanks. That was actually really good advice and just what I needed to hear. I'm actually doing those things now with the whole working out and looking and feeling better and best of all I've been doing that for myself!

 

Weekends really get me down but you're right that it's not just the loss of him and the way he was but also the loss of love and having someone to share that with. But definetly not ready to accept lookng for someone else. I'm still at the beginning of healing. In fact sometimes I'm still in denial. I've just been hit really hard emotionally with this one.

 

Yeah. I'm not sure his motives either. When he is interested in what I'm up to or has something to share everything is cool but if I turn around and ask him about him he gets all defensive and doesn't really tell me much unless I pay him more attention and then he'll tell me just so he isn't bothered by me. It's quite rude and I'm getting tired of the one way thing. He can't just expect me to hear what he has to say and him not hear what I have to say. It doesn't work that way.