Don't know what to do

[lostandscared5]

My mom says that she knows that I am hiding something from her well you know what she is right; in fact, I am hiding more than one thing from her, but it doesn’t mean that I have to tell her what it is. It’s like she is always having her friends tell her about my whereabouts and all that stuff.

 

I find it ridiculous that she does not trust me and that every one of her friends know how I look like and they are on the lookout for me so if they see me somewhere they report straight to my mom, what am I, 13? I kind of find it my own personal business what I do with my life, that I don’t have to tell her what I’ve done and where I have been, but she has it in her mind that there should be no secrecy and privacy between the two of us.

 

To me, there is just a bunch of BS. Why can’t she just let it be? Accept what her friends have been telling her about me and my whereabouts instead of confronting me about it? I hate confrontations and those always end up badly with me and her. I know it will hurt her whether these so called confrontations happen or not after I have done something I want to do that she disapproves of.

 

What is it that she wants me to do sacrifice my happiness for hers? No I don’t think so because that is so unfair to me. Why can’t she let me hang out with people that I want to hang out with? Instead of say don’t hang out with that group of people, discriminate against them, and prevent me from having any contact with them because she herself disapproves of them? I am 23 years old and old enough and make my own decisions. Why can’t she accept and understand that?

 

What I do is my own business, I do not have to go back to you and report everything I do to her, even if she is my own mother. I want to do what I want to do, with who I want to do it. I rarely get out of my house as it is, because there is always someone home, making sure that I stay home and do homework most of the time. So can you blame me if I go out and do something that I want to do that my mom disapproves of when I can? I know in her heart that she loves and cares about me but sometimes it is just too much for me.

[lostandhurt]

At 23 you do have a right to do as you please as long as it doesn't hurt the ones you love.

If you live in her house then she has a right to have some say in your life. Lying to your mother won't reduce her behavior, just increase it.

 

If you do live with her and don't like it then get a job and move out on your own.

 

Parents always have trouble seeing their children as grown ups no matter how old they get but if you act like it more and more she will have a hard time ignoring the fact that you are maturing.

 

Lost

[thejigsup]

When I started reading your post, I thought you were a teenager. You're 23? Your mom should have cut the apron strings a long time ago. My son is 21, and I NEVER ask him where he is going or where he has been. He is an adult and it's none of my business.

[3boys]

I think she's gone a bit far in wanting to know EVERYTHING. As a mother, though, even though you're 23, I can understand her being concerned about the people you hang around with....to a point. I mean, if you're hanging out with a bunch of drug users who have no jobs, are in trouble with the law, etc., she probably doesn't want you to end up like them. However, if they're nice people, just not "her" type, she's crossing a line.

[turnera]

Time to sit down with her POLITELY and tell her that you are ready to grow up. Let her help you make the transition.

[arcadefire]

Wow, reading about this really reminded me of the period I lived back at home after graduating college.

 

My advice is to move out. My mom was the same exact way with me, and I was the same age as you. More hiding and more lying will only exacerbate things between you and your mom. She is likely a control freak who wants to know every little detail of what you do when you step foot out of the house. She also probably has heavy influence and say on what you do, and if you don't do them, you feel guilty. I've been in your shoes so I've felt all these conflicting feelings.

 

But you are an adult and you should have freedom to do what you want in your life, especially have a social life. The biggest gift a parent can give to their child is to let them live and mature in a healthy environment, which includes emotionally too.