Going through a divorce... Seperated & met a great girl.

[Hopingpraying]

I have a question for all of you.... I am not certain how to proceed, it has been nearly ten years since I have even dated, however, here is my delima...

 

1. My divorce will not be final until August, so I have some reservations about dating at all, but feel I need compaionship and friendship if nothing else. How do people feel about dating while still "Officially married"?

 

2. How do you date without becoming attached, or in a "relationship" I am truly just looking for friendship, and nothing too serious at this time. The problem is she is a really nice person. She has a lot of qualties that I like in a woman.

 

A little background. I have known this girl for nearly ten years, she is a wonderful person and I just found out on Friday that she has been attracted to me for nearly all of that time but she never pursued anything because I was taken. She is my age which is a plus, I think I am done with younger woman that don't know what the heck they want in life.

 

At the same time I don't want this girl to be a rebound, and even though we have not officially been out on a date or anything I did see her at the bar on Friday and she gave me a hug and a very nice kiss. I want to take things slowly, and not be in a "relationship" with her. I just am not sure how she will take that. She is actually someone I could see myself being with, just not right now, and believe me that I know it is too soon to be talking about that. So how do you date without being serious?? Is it just something you decide to do? The last thing I want to do is put this girl through anything similar to what I have been through the past seven months.

 

 

Advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

HP

[amaranth_04]

Hi there,

 

If she has had her eye on you for ten years, that's quite a while. I'd suggest being upfront with her, her expectations, yours, for the moment. You wouldn't want her wondering if you're not interested in her after all if you're not making a move. And you probably don't want to lose her after 10 years and being single soon.

 

If she's ok with taking things slow, you could perhaps meet up less frequently than you would someone you were seriously courting. Maybe once a week for a semi-intimate evening and another day just to hang out. You have to be careful what you do those times you meet as it just may speed things along. If you like her and spend enough time with her, you're bound to fall for her.. there's no ''rule'' to follow to guard against that save never seeing her again perhaps, and I don't think you want that... it's a bit hard to gauge and rein in your feelings if you already like this girl and consider her a future serious g/f.

 

You will have to get into specifics with her about how far is too far, or how slow is too slow as may be the case for her. Always be upfront and look out for expectations changing along the way.

[Hopingpraying]

Amaranth,

 

Thanks for the reply... I am being bluntly honest with her and I think she understands, but you never know for sure. I definitely get the impression that she is looking for something more than "just friends" so I have to be on guard for that. But I explained to her that to be fair to her and to my (EX)wife that I don't want to get into anything serious. The fact that we have been friends for ten years has complicated things for a bit because we are very comfortable around one another and I could see it getting serious very quickly but I definitely need to guard against that.

 

Short of not seeing her I am not sure how to do that though, unless I just need to decide to keep it completely casual until I am ready, but to be honest it has been since October since I have been with a woman. So it will be tuff.

 

Wish me luck!!