Thinking of breaking NC

[stu1973]

Before you all start yelling at me, please let me explain!

 

Basically I just want to say Hi, to make sure she knows there's no hard feelings, that the NC hasn't been petulant, but for healing purposes, to open a channel of communication for future friendship, and so she doesn't think I'm an A-hole! I also want her to know that I do genuinely care about her, and not just in a romantic way. One of my female friends suggested it would be a good idea as while we were going out, I wasn't as communicative as I should've been.

 

I'm on holiday just now, ski-ing and snowboarding. It was one of my goals for this year, and on our first date, when I mentioned this to her, she said that's great as she's been ski-ing since she was very young, and she said she'd teach me. It was one of our plans that sadly never happened. Having tried both now, I much prefer ski-ing, and she'd love this, as she thought I'd end up preferring snowboarding as all my friends do it.

 

It's been 6 weeks today since she ended it, and it's been 6 weeks absolute NC. And it didn't end badly at all, but my main concern is that when we parted for the last time, I didn't say anything, just goodbye. I didn't say "look after yourself" or "take care" which I really mean.

 

So I was thinking of emailing something like "Hi, hope you are well, on holiday just now, have been snowboarding and ski-ing and you'll be glad to hear I much prefer ski-ing! Look after yourself, S"

 

So, good idea, or should I crack on with NC.

[IvantheAvg]

Crack down on NC. You'd have a better chance of getting her back with her thinking you are an A--hole.

 

6 weeks isn't along time. You are still wounded. Don't do it.

[Brigadoon]

Theres a thread here named something like "what do you want to say to your ex?" I'd go there and get it out of your system if I were you and continue with the NC.

I even started a thread myself about all the things I never said thank you for! Seriously! And that was the ONLY thing that stopped me from calling him and crying down the phone.

All of the times I broke NC in the early days brought me nothing but anxiety and humiliation; and finally deciding I couldn't be bothered any more and not contacting him is probably the reason why we're on speaking terms again now. And that desire in him to speak to me didn't happen until six months after the break up, and maybe three months after I gave up trying to be friendly and disappeared. Seriously you've got a great head start- don't set yourself back while you're doing so well

[ebik]

i'll second that last post!

 

having recently found out that for me.. even 6 mths is too soon!!

 

trust me, it wont end well!

[stu1973]

Thanks folks, I was thinking LC might've been the way forward for my situation.

 

But you're right, I've got a good head start and going back to square one, would be very, very painful.

[Is]

Those who are weak will break No Contact. Prove yourself by continuing No Contact. People always will be faced with hard situations, but real people get though it the right way. The right way sometimes has to be the hard way.

 

Why hurt yourself now when you are getting close to the end? Let yourself finish the final stride it will have greener grass than what you see now.

[stu1973]

Very true I's,

 

You are right about being close to the end, I can't imagine going through the past 6 weeks again, I really think I'd have a break down ( I was close ).

 

I'm not a mentally strong person, so this really pushed me to the edge, something I'd searched for my entire life taken away from me is the hardest thing I've ever been through ( and I've been through more than most. ).

 

Just having a weak moment just now. Even though I'm on holiday, far away from her and the memories we shared, there are reminders everywhere ( Avatar was a special movie for us, and I see it everywhere! Seeing couples everywhere, especially in a ski-ing environment is tough too)

 

I have to maintain NC, both to heal and so she can miss me.

[Is]

Very true I's,

 

You are right about being close to the end, I can't imagine going through the past 6 weeks again, I really think I'd have a break down ( I was close ).

 

I'm not a mentally strong person, so this really pushed me to the edge, something I'd searched for my entire life taken away from me is the hardest thing I've ever been through ( and I've been through more than most. ).

 

Just having a weak moment just now. Even though I'm on holiday, far away from her and the memories we shared, there are reminders everywhere ( Avatar was a special movie for us, and I see it everywhere! Seeing couples everywhere, especially in a ski-ing environment is tough too)

 

I have to maintain NC, both to heal and so she can miss me.

 

Don't maintain NC just because you want her back to you. Maintain NC because you want better for yourself.

 

You have to accept that things are not going to work out. You have to accept that you have to move on. NC is all about moving on and let those feelings escape from your heart.

 

It feels like you maintaining NC just because you will get her back by "missing you"

 

YOU MUST ACCEPT TO MOVE ON! If you don't NC will be useless. NC is a tool to help your feelings for your ex to slowly go away, but if you don't accept to move on, you won't let those feelings go away.

[stu1973]

Yeah, I know I have to maintain NC to move on. I'm not expecting a reconciliation to be honest. I'm going to go on a date with a girl who's been asking me out recently when I return from holiday. She knows what I'm going through, I've told her, and she says she just wants to have fun just now ( not just sex, drinks etc. ). But I have made it clear to her the situation and she seems quite happy with it. Hopefully with her help too, I'll move on.

[Is]

Yeah, I know I have to maintain NC to move on. I'm not expecting a reconciliation to be honest. I'm going to go on a date with a girl who's been asking me out recently when I return from holiday. She knows what I'm going through, I've told her, and she says she just wants to have fun just now ( not just sex, drinks etc. ). But I have made it clear to her the situation and she seems quite happy with it. Hopefully with her help too, I'll move on.

 

Rebound relationship? Feelings are at stake, but she accepts the fact about your situation.

 

My only concern is that someone going to be hurt because your feelings are not set yet.

[iBroken]

I wouldnt break NC for the simple fact that she has not contacted you either.

 

You want to send it so that you arent dubbed the A hole, the one that shut her out - but keep in mind, if you feel like you might be the A-hole for being in NC, what behavior is she showing by being in NC?

 

She isnt contacting you to apologize or explain the reason for the space. Why are you trying to give her that courtesy?

 

Stay strong - the finish line isnt to far ahead