Asking to make more time?

[geekgirl4]

I posted before about how my bf's schedule for school was rather crazy and we got through it. It was quite a lot of support and patience on my part. I sent him many emails with funny links/current news, dropped off care packages, was flexible about when he could meet or talk. I stayed optimistic but with this new quarter, I'm losing a bit of optimism.

 

Now I have a new question to ask. So far, his new schedule this quarter is much easier, he's not taking as many school club activities, his classes are easier - basically it's more open and relaxed yet... our schedule of seeing each other is the same as when he was super busy: I see him once a week. And our conversations are shorter and fewer (which is confusing to me since his schedule is much better). We live less than a 5 minute drive away so it's not like it's long distance. Should I try asking if he could compromise another day we can hang out as well?

 

I was kind of sad that he didn't offer or try to hang out with me other than our planned day of seeing each other when the new quarter started. Am I being a bit too needy? It's been two weeks and I feel like we're drifting apart. He tells me about tales of spending time with friends or hanging out with them, which is nice, but it makes me think of that lone day of the week I get to see him. Someone talk me back into optimism again please!

[Firiel]

Talk to him about it, but bring it up in a non-accusatory way. If I lived five minutes away from my SO, I would expect to see him more than once a week. It sounds like you were very supportive when he was really busy, so it's not like you have a history of being needy.

 

Just casually mention that you hope you can see him more now that you're busy, or just straight up ask what his expectations are for this quarter. You can start a dialogue from that. It is entirely possible that he got into the habit of only seeing you once a week, and just hasn't even considered a change in that simply because that's what he is used to. Also bear in mind that he hasn't had much time to spend with his friends over the past quarter and is probably enjoying catching up with them. Regardless of this, however, I don't think it's needy to desire to see your SO more than once a week.

[Blue Skittles]

How long have you been together? I don't think its needy to ask for more time together especially since you live so close to each other. Why not ask him out when you know hes free to go have dinner or go see a movie?

[geekgirl4]

We've been together 9 months. I'll try to casually bring it into conversation. I think I'm just feeling a bit down because I've been putting in a lot of effort and I just have one of those days where I don't feel like doing my best. I'll try to cheer up though

[Firiel]

We've been together 9 months. I'll try to casually bring it into conversation. I think I'm just feeling a bit down because I've been putting in a lot of effort and I just have one of those days where I don't feel like doing my best. I'll try to cheer up though

 

Just remember-- it shouldn't all be you. It was wonderful that you were so willing to be supportive when he was busy, but a relationship where, for long periods of time, you are putting in significantly more than the other person can turn unhealthy. It becomes very easy to make excuses for someone you care about. I've been there. It just hit me one day that while I was willing to spend an entire day walking my ex through writing a paper about something I knew nothing about, he wasn't even willing to take forty-five minutes and go grab some frozen yogurt with me down the street. Don't let your desire to be kind and considerate allow you let someone take advantage of you.