Girlfriend dumped me twice after 10 years.

[skynet74]

Here is the short version.

 

Girlfriend and I met in 1994. She was 21. I was 25. We lived together for the last 10 years. No marriage and no children but we were engaged. Wedding was originally planned for today. Things seemed good for most of our 10 years together until 6 months ago when she became distant and didn't even want to sleep in the same bed with me. I later found out that she was interested in a customer in her hair salon. Well she moved out in January and started seeing him a week later (even though she denies she broke up with me for him). She says she left because she wasn't happy with me anymore. Two weeks later he dies from Alchohol poisoning. She then decided she wants to get back with me. I was still so in love with her that I didn't even have to think twice about it. So we got back together. This lasted for 8 weeks until she again decides that she doesn't want it anymore. Now she's back to dating other people. She'll barely even talk to me now as she keeps telling me she wants her space. She said she tried to get back with me for the wrong reasons. She said she was lonely and thought that maybe she left the first time just for the other guy, but now says she realizes she left because she just doesn't love me anymore.

 

This is the part where I need some answers. She genuinely seems to be going through a mid life crisis or depression related personality change. She is acting nothing like herself these past 6 months. Among the changes are her suddenly wearing suggestive clothing, her drinking much more frequently, getting a tattoo, hanging out in bars, spending much more time with friends, dating other people and flat out being very distant and cruel to me. She is 31 years old and has been diagnosed with Depression. She's on Zoloft and Wellbutrin. The girl I met 10 years ago was the sweetest most innocent girl you could ever meet. She cared about everyone. Now she just seems to care about herself and doesn't seem to give a crap about me. Among the mean things she has said lately are that she was never IN LOVE with me, but did feel IN LOVE with the guy she was trying to be with earlier this year. The old I loved you but was never IN LOVE with you line. Sounds like Bull to me. She used to tell me that she both loved me and was "IN LOVE" with me. On the negative side she also recently told me that she wanted to get away from me in 1998 but stayed with me for 6 more years because she felt bad for me. I had a real bad anxiety problem and she was both a girlfriend and a caregiver to me during a good part of our relationship until I started feeling a little better. But It's comments like this that are really out of character for her, really hurt and don't even sound like the same person I was with for a decade. How can a person who was so loving for 10 years suddenly turn so COLD?

 

So what do I do? Could this just be a temporary thing or has she just totally lost it after 10 years. I also should mention that I was her first Real boyfriend. She was shy when she was young with a bit of a weight problem.... so she never really came out of her shell. Now it seems like she is trying to make up for what she missed out on when she was younger. Could this just be a phase to recapture her youth. Sure seems like it to me. But I would hate to hold onto hope if it's not a phase. What do you think and what the hell should I do? Thanks in advance for any imput. I am really hurt and still love her so much. But it's like someone came along and transplanted a different women in my girlfriends body. Looks the same but certainly does not act the same. It's as if the "REAL" her has passed away or has gone on vacation. Every single day I keep hoping the phone will ring and the "REAL" Jenn will be back. I miss her So Much!

 

 

John

[xxatti]

I feel for you, but honestly I really believe she's telling you the truth about the relationship. I think it's time to accept it and push her away. If she really is having psychological problems causing her to feel as she does towards you, then she will realize the mistake she made when you are no longer there.

[amaranth_04]

Hi there,

 

She is 31 years old and has been diagnosed with Depression. She's on Zoloft and Wellbutrin.

 

Did she get this way after taking medication 'cos it could be a side-effect. If she changed and then was diagnosed with depression, then it could be the depression that's making her behave differently. Depression must be serious if she's on meds... if she was just really unhappy, I'd suggest just talking to her about what's really bothering her.. if she'll have the chat..

 

I also should mention that I was her first Real boyfriend. She was shy when she was young with a bit of a weight problem.... so she never really came out of her shell. Now it seems like she is trying to make up for what she missed out on when she was younger.

 

I think that's a valid reason for her behaviour. If that's the case, have a discussion with her and find out what she wants to do and if you could compromise. Of course, this will only work if she's willing to try it with you again.

 

May be a good thing that she's pushing you away esp. if she doesn't know when this phase, if it is a phase, will end, .... or when she wants to end it.. it's a choice, grass is greener etc.. and once through the phase, will she want the same things..