Turning down a guy's advances?

[Green Mile]

I'm a straight guy but I have a feeling one of my friends may be attracted to me - or I may be reading into things a little too much, not sure.

 

Some of our girl friends have discussed behind his back (but in my presence) that they think he's gay. I've known him for almost a year and I hadn't picked up on anything like that, I suppose girls spot it easier? It didn't bother me that they thought that but I was a little surprised, he's really into football and talks about women a lot though I've not known him to be with anyone since I've known him and he doesn't go out an awful lot.

 

The reason for the thread is a few months ago we went on a night out and he grabbed my ass in a playful way, which shocked me as I it seemed unusual. Now we've arranged to go out again in a few weeks in a group but he's asked me to go round to his house earlier that day to get started on the drinking and watch DVDs... he hasn't asked anybody else and he seemed a little persistent as if he really wanted me to go.

 

So now I'm worried he may try and make a move on me. I'm not the sort of person who would be nasty about it or let it damage our friendship but I'm wondering the best way to handle it if he tries anything? I'm getting ahead of myself as he may not even be gay and I might be scrutinising things more because of what the girls said, but it's played on my mind a little this week!

[Catdancer]

If you are friends, go hang out at his house. And I would jokingly bring up "you're not hitting on me are you?" if he does something that isnt cool.

[Cognitive_Canine]

'Hey now, I don't swing that way!" in a joking manner.

 

Honestly, if he knows you're hetero, he probably won't push you that hard.

 

It is intimidating isn't it? When men become handsy and it's unwanted. ugh.

[XxJustMexX]

How funny. I'm in the same boat with one of my best friends, except I'm a girl. But to make it worse, I'm not THINKING... I KNOW. She's told me on many drunken days (and sober ones too) about how she wants to hook up with me... She even HAS tried to make advances with me when we're drinking. I honestly freak out and get nervous whenever we're drinking around each other because I seriously think she's gonna try molesting me... lol. She's grabbed my ass... licked my ear... kissed me on the cheek... Pretty much everything really... All I can really say is dude, what the f#$%??? everytime she does it. The funny thing is she's actually married and has a child... She's not a les, she's bi.

 

It seems like the more I turn her down, the more she wants me?!? What the... She knows I'm not game so she's constantly trying to get drunk together and hope something happens, which I'm just not comfortable doing. I know most girls experiment but I'm just so not into it.

 

Sorry, I have no point nor am I gonna be of help to you. I just had to share that I'm going through the same thing... kind of. lol.

[norsewoman]

The reason for the thread is a few months ago we went on a night out and he grabbed my ass in a playful way, which shocked me as I it seemed unusual. Now we've arranged to go out again in a few weeks in a group but he's asked me to go round to his house earlier that day to get started on the drinking and watch DVDs... he hasn't asked anybody else and he seemed a little persistent as if he really wanted me to go.

 

I've seen straight guys do stuff like that, and it was all play. I'd go to his house, and if he does try anything, just tell him you're not interested.

[FathomFear]

Ass slapping seems to be more popular amongst straight guys actually, lol. Have you watched your average professional sport?

 

But in any event, sure, it's possible that he might be gay. Just like it's possible that anyone you meet is actually gay or a sexuality you didn't expect. It's nothing really to worry about. If anyone makes a move on you that you don't want, it's just a matter of communicating that when it happens. It's really only a problem if you turn someone down and he or she continues to persist, IMO.

[FathomFear]

As a side note, assuming that he is gay for a moment, this kind of behavior is usually seen in guys who are closeted. They bottle it up and act out irrationally. Gay guys who are comfortable with their sexuality tend not to go blindly hitting on straight guys. I have lots of straight guys as friends and have never hit on them (outside of a joking manner). It's just a matter of respect.

[Cognitive_Canine]

As a side note, assuming that he is gay for a moment, this kind of behavior is usually seen in guys who are closeted. They bottle it up and act out irrationally. Gay guys who are comfortable with their sexuality tend not to go blindly hitting on straight guys. I have lots of straight guys as friends and have never hit on them (outside of a joking manner). It's just a matter of respect.

 

I agree. Jokes, little nudges, and mixed signals are a great way for a closeted guy to put himself out there. If he gets called out on it, he can just be like "lol, dude, I was just kidding" and he could remain closeted.