Why is love so hard???

[whattodo12]

I know a lot of people (including myself) confuse the "puppy love" stage with real love. I guess it just seems to me that in order to get married and be happy with it, a relationship begins with love for the first couple years, then they must revert to being logical and practical (how do we keep this marriage together). It seems with A LOT of marriages i've seen is that one or both of the people are unhappy.

It seems to happen a lot where there is a "loved" and a "lovee." (loved doesn't love the "lovee" as much as the "lovee" loves the loved)

If men and women are supposed to be married, then why is it so hard. Theres no one i know that i consider I could be happy with the rest of my life. I know that I am too young to worry about this right now, but I just got out of a 3 year relationship that at first I thought i could marry this girl, but later realized after that I couldn't. She was my first girlfriend so of course I am taking this the hardest.

I guess the whole break up has made me a little bitter, and I do apologize if I seem close minded. But I guess my question is: When do you know shes the one? And Im not talking about being happy 5-10 years after marriage... I'm talking about the long hall through mid-life crisis, retirement, forever.

[eggplant47]

Believe me it's not as hard as it seems. I was in a relationship with a guy for about 6 yrs. & for the last three I thought I desperately wanted him to purpose to me. The only problem was... when I pictured our married life, I didn't see how we could possibly be anything but bored. Eventually, I realized I didn't want to marry him... I just didn't want him to dump me.

 

Then I met my husband. Love is easy & marriage is lots of fun. Don't worry, when you meet the right girl it will all click into place.

[whattodo12]

Believe me it's not as hard as it seems. I was in a relationship with a guy for about 6 yrs. & for the last three I thought I desperately wanted him to purpose to me. The only problem was... when I pictured our married life, I didn't see how we could possibly be anything but bored. Eventually, I realized I didn't want to marry him... I just didn't want him to dump me.

 

Then I met my husband. Love is easy & marriage is lots of fun. Don't worry, when you meet the right girl it will all click into place.

 

Thats kinda what I'm hoping for.

[JusticeLaw9]

Love is an experience.

 

It can make or break a person, also. Definitely something you don't want to play around with. When you're in love and it feels good and feels so right it's the sweetest language I know. When it's bad and you know it's unhealthy for you, it's a sickening feeling; that attachment that you know you need to get away from. It's the most powerful drug on the market.

 

I say that to say that although it's beautiful, it can be the best and worst feeling too. It's hard to tame but be careful who and how you give your love out to someone else.

[onewithbooks]

I know a lot of people (including myself) confuse the "puppy love" stage with real love.

 

I think everyone does this.

 

I guess it just seems to me that in order to get married and be happy with it, a relationship begins with love for the first couple years, then they must revert to being logical and practical (how do we keep this marriage together). It seems with A LOT of marriages i've seen is that one or both of the people are unhappy.

 

I have seen this a lot too, in terms of the how do we keep this marriage together. I would say that in the majority of relationships I have seen, I think that there is a distinct lack in the couple remembering that they are "a couple". I think after a time they stopped seeing each other as bf or gf or husband or wife, and they started viewing them as things less romantic, i.e. partner in life. Now I am not discouraging that phrase, not at all. I like the idea of it, but I know I would still want my husband to see me, the woman he fell in love with after we had been married a few years versus, that partner. To me, it is less romantic, and after a few years, romance, imho, is just as important as it is in the beginning.

 

The happiest couples I know still have date nights. They take the time to romanace one another, each of them putting in the effort to let their spouse know that they are still wanted and desired.

 

 

It seems to happen a lot where there is a "loved" and a "lovee." (loved doesn't love the "lovee" as much as the "lovee" loves the loved)

If men and women are supposed to be married, then why is it so hard. Theres no one i know that i consider I could be happy with the rest of my life. I know that I am too young to worry about this right now, but I just got out of a 3 year relationship that at first I thought i could marry this girl, but later realized after that I couldn't. She was my first girlfriend so of course I am taking this the hardest.

I guess the whole break up has made me a little bitter, and I do apologize if I seem close minded. But I guess my question is: When do you know shes the one? And Im not talking about being happy 5-10 years after marriage... I'm talking about the long hall through mid-life crisis, retirement, forever.

 

I think it is hard because life is hard, and we are humans prone to mistakes. Life is not an easy thing and when you add humans with faults and put two togther and expect them to co-exist you are bound to come accross rough patches. To me, the measure of a good couple is not how they are during the good times, but how they communicate and get through the bad times.

 

For me, the way that I know he is the one is the fact that I know I would not want to face a singe problem without him by my side. I know I could. I just dont want to. I want to be there at the end of the day to listen to all the things that happened to him and to talk to him about my day. I also know that its for the long haul because I know that no matter what happens in life, each bad day with him is beter than a good day without him. I had a realization once, what if something happened to him and he were wheel chair bound and I had to really take care of him, could I do that? Could I be there for him in that way, in that extreme circumstance? For me, that answer was then, and still is, yes. No matter what I want to share each day that we have with one another.

[whattodo12]

Thanks onewithbooks... you took a lot of effort to answer, to the best of your knowledge, the questions that have been spiraling in my head lately... I guess at this point in my life its hard to see anyone i could spend the rest of my life with. But i refuse to settle, because in the long run it'll hurt more. Currently I'm not a strong believer in love (due to only have one serious relationship and seeing so many people unhappy with their marriages), but hopefully a girl can come along and change that.

[onewithbooks]

Thanks onewithbooks... you took a lot of effort to answer, to the best of your knowledge, the questions that have been spiraling in my head lately... I guess at this point in my life its hard to see anyone i could spend the rest of my life with. But i refuse to settle, because in the long run it'll hurt more. Currently I'm not a strong believer in love (due to only have one serious relationship and seeing so many people unhappy with their marriages), but hopefully a girl can come along and change that.

 

Its ok to not be a strong believer in love. I found that some of my best times to find out who I was, was after a break-up. My last one was a doozy and it seemed to never end. When it did, I didnt take a lot of time to evalute what I wanted out of a relationship with someone. I took the time to evaluate what I wanted out of me. I worked on me. I went back to school and began doing all those things that I couldnt do while I was in a relationship, things like go to the symphony. We never seemed to have the money to do that, though my ex found money to do other things. It was really liberating to find out more about what I wanted out of life.

 

Then one day as I was going through life and making it something I could be proud of, I met this man who made me want to be the best person I could be. We were just friends and it grew into something more. Neither one of us wanted a relationship, far from it. But as time went on we began to care more and more for one another. Next week will be our one year anniversary.

 

My best advice to you now is to definitely mourn the loss of you relationship, grieve it and feel it. Then move on. Start doing things for you and living a life you can be proud to call your own. Then when you least expect it, you will find someone special. Good luck to you.