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Dilemma: Time Running Out But Needed for Healing


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Hi everybody,


I've been lurking on here for awhile just reading stories trying to figure out to do in order to help my situation but I've realized every situation is different for every couple.


I've signed up because I need some advice and input now. Time is running out for me to get back with her, but I'm not fully healed. Still think about her daily. My story is that me and ex broke up about 3 months ago after a little over 3 years together. I am the dumper...so you can see how things may be very different.


Things were going downhill towards the end of our relationship, I was getting very stressed, smothered, and we'd fight over trivial things. It even came to a point where I wasn't sure if she was the one anymore, and so I decided to break it off. The break up was not exactly smooth, we ended on a heated conversation. I realized after a short time (not weeks, not months..) that I had made a mistake. Unfortunately, she told me it was too late after I did all the classical mistakes of begging, pleading, trying to woo her with romantic things. It only pushed her further. I decided to get closure, so I apologized for for hurting her, and asked her to start over. Too late...the tables turned and she became the dumper.


I told her I couldn't be friends, but we are currently doing LC anyway. Whenever she calls, I answer, when she texts, I reply knowing well that it'd make things worse for me...We've met a couple of times for dinner and lunch. Most of the time when we meet, usually when it's with just the two of us, we're okay. But when we meet with mutual friends, I can sometimes sense the uneasiness, usually it's written on her face.


At this point, I don't know what she wants anymore. She told me it's too late, but subtly drops hints here and there. I might be reading this wrong but most of the contacting is initiated by her. Maybe she just wants friendship, which I really can't handle atm. My question is: should I just go for it, risk it all, and ask her one last time? I mean since I am the dumper, it would only make sense for me to try and pursue her?

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Hey, thanks for the quick reply inthemeantime. Well I was just thinking that pursuing her was wrong because I noticed she was reciprocating and I've read all over that it wouldn't be in my best interest to pursue her if she was with a rebound. She isn't, but I know who's in the works of trying to get with her. I'm not worried because he's no match for me but you never know...


I am certain I want to be with her at this point. It's been 3 months and I still feel the same since we broke it off. This may also be because we were each other's first real love. I can think rationally now without my emotions clouding and of course I understand what I put her through. I've turned down a couple girls already. We've both made mistakes in the past and right now I'm just taking what I've learned, growing from it, and changing into a better person.


I don't think I'm going to email or write a letter. We're just not the couple to do that. I'm going to have a heart to heart conversation with her. Problem is, when do I do it? She'll be going on vacation at the end of the month, so I'm thinking after that during summer.

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