Guys? Can I have some input?

[EmperorDude1]

If a girl says that she 'pushed herself into developing romantic feelings', does that make them and the relationship that came about a lie?

[Lovelace]

It probably means that she thought you were awesome, but wasn't feeling the chemistry at first, and had to convince herself to have those passionate feelings by constantly talking you up in her head.

 

If it worked, yay!

[EmperorDude1]

If it worked, yay!

 

That depends on your definition of 'worked'.

 

We dated, officially, for 3 months, and then by the end of August her feelings for me rapidly died. By the first of September it was over (I found out the 'pushed to develop feelings' part last month, which is why it's on my mind). So I'm not sure what to make of things now.

[annie24]

no, i don't think it's a lie.

 

i think we see a lot of the time where women fall for the bad boys (who love them and leave them) and overlook the nice, stable guys. i'm guessing.....maybe she didn't feel that initial spark/chemistry with you the way she has with some bad boys in the past. however, thinking about things logically, she knew you would be a better catch in the long run.

 

i'm just guessing, i don't know her or the context. but it's likely a positive thing. afterall, how many times have nice guys complained of being passed by for the jerks?

[annie24]

That depends on your definition of 'worked'.

 

We dated, officially, for 3 months, and then by the end of August her feelings for me rapidly died. By the first of September it was over (I found out the 'pushed to develop feelings' part last month, which is why it's on my mind). So I'm not sure what to make of things now.

 

are you guys still together?

[EmperorDude1]

no, i don't think it's a lie.

 

i think we see a lot of the time where women fall for the bad boys (who love them and leave them) and overlook the nice, stable guys. i'm guessing.....maybe she didn't feel that initial spark/chemistry with you the way she has with some bad boys in the past. however, thinking about things logically, she knew you would be a better catch in the long run.

 

Well, I don't know about her having feelings about bad boys. I was her first boyfriend.

 

i'm just guessing, i don't know her or the context. but it's likely a positive thing. afterall, how many times have nice guys complained of being passed by for the jerks?

 

Yeah, that's true.

 

are you guys still together?

 

No we're not. We tried being friends, but I couldn't handle it, so our friendship is on a sabbatical until I'm over her. I have strong feelings for her even now. I wouldn't say 'love', because I am looking for the possibility of relationships with other people, but still.

[annie24]

how old is she?

 

if she's never had a relationship (with bad boy or otherwise) i wonder if she's emotionally closed off, building walls that make it impossible to get close to ANYONE!! is her father in her life? has she had some trauma?

[EmperorDude1]

how old is she?

 

if she's never had a relationship (with bad boy or otherwise) i wonder if she's emotionally closed off, building walls that make it impossible to get close to ANYONE!! is her father in her life? has she had some trauma?

 

She's 21.

 

No, her father isn't in her life, and he wasn't a good one to her when he was. But even still, I don't believe she's emotionally closed off. She's developed feelings for several guys since we broke up, and she's definitely open for a relationship. She grew up with very low self esteem, because of her perceived image of her body mostly. I helped her to see herself as a beautiful girl, which she hadn't of before.

[marshmlofluff]

no, i don't think it's a lie.

 

i think we see a lot of the time where women fall for the bad boys (who love them and leave them) and overlook the nice, stable guys. i'm guessing.....maybe she didn't feel that initial spark/chemistry with you the way she has with some bad boys in the past. however, thinking about things logically, she knew you would be a better catch in the long run.

 

I am going through exactly this right now. No, it is not a bad thing and nononono the relationship is NOT a lie.

 

He is such a wonderful man; I had to push myself a bit initially, because he wasn't the "type" I normally react to--but he is much better for me than the "type" and he is someone I can see a happy future with. Yes my feelings have taken a little while to switch on, but once they are on they are not less real. In some sense it means much more than if I had been insta-attracted to him; I led with my head and then my heart, not just with my hormones.