When does it end..

[Leighton]

Misery does not even begin to describe what I'm feeling lately.

 

I'm so frustrated with all of this. Almost 4 months later... 2+ months of no talking to him, haven't seen him in 3 months.. and I'm still dwelling on it!! I feel so pathetic. I just want him out of my head. I'm doing everything right! The first month of the break-up I was in absolute hell. No sleep, crying every day, not eating or overeating, calling him every second screaming at him, etc. It got better, I'm healthier now, I blocked and deleted him from everything, I still hear about him a lot and talk about him but other than that.. I don't understand what's going on. We were only together for 1.5 yrs, and he makes me sick, so I just want him out of my head.

 

The one thing that screws me up a bit is knowing that I'll see him again. I day dream about it at least 40 times a day... not reconciling or anything ridiculous like that, just seeing his face. I will probably see him in May (not by choice), and I'm thinking maybe that's preventing me from healing.

 

I don't know.. I just need to know that one day this man won't consume my emotions ever again.

[nomad0792]

He won't consume ur thoughts forever. I've been NC for almost 5 mos and I still think of her, but it's not nearly as bad as it was. I started to feel a little normal around the 3 month mark. It will get better...I promise. I think I'm 50/50.

 

Funny thing is...every couple of weeks I get random "Blocked" calls and I can hear the person on the other line hanging up after I say hello. Plus, other random contacts that may or may not be her doing it on purpose. So, in some ways, this 'incidental' contact kinda keeps me thinking of her. So, maybe I'd be further along than I am.

 

Keep moving forward and time will heal u.

[jazzbarrett]

i changed my phone number this week and got a new msn account to im my friends. i emailed him to grab the rest of his things, not to contact me, but to just show up at my house during my days off if he wants to grab his stuff. he didn't show up today. tomorrow is my last day off and i am thinking he wont show up either and i cant help but to feel sad. i know i made the choice to cut contact and stop any way he can contact me (outside of email), i guess a part of me was hoping he would find a way to contact me.

 

i am happier with the decision he made to break us up, i realize now that i wasnt as happy as i thought i was. but i still miss the presence he had in my life, i miss being able to share jokes with him or watch our favorite shows...but i know i will find someone to share those things with in the future. it gets frustrating, i too have my good days and bad, strong and weak...it will get better. it just takes time. a lot of time, unfortunately.