i really need advice...

[lillymountain]

hi there,

 

some of you might know my story even if i havent posted anything for quite a while.

i could really do with some honest advice right now

 

im have been in this ldr since summer, we had our ups and downs (when i found out about his past, means i stumbled over his ex-girlfriends in not so nice ways and when he reacted badly when i wanted to move to his place too quickly)

 

i thougth we could work through it

 

in feb we went on a snowboarding trip to japan - and spent almost the whole time fighting

the reason was that i asked him not to be the number one person-to-talk-to for his borderline exgirlfriend (especially because he never told me when she called him up and i always had to find out by accident - one day she called when i was there and had stayed 2 days longer that planned and he didnt answer because as he said he had told her not to call when i was around....)

 

 

after japan he got quite distant.

 

and last moday, i was there over a long weekend (i do almost all the travelling) he said he had to talk to me and that he was not sure if he could be in a monogamous realtionship forever......??????????????

 

we talked a bit about it, i tried to stay calm, thinking maybe he is just scared cause he never made so many plans with anybody else.

 

the more he talked the more i felt really weird.

he described himself as this hunting polarbear and that living in the city and working in a job he hates would trigger this.

 

he thanked me for being the best and understanding gf in the whole wide world and the next day before i flew home he gave me the keys to his appartment (i had complained about having no keys and im there almost 2 times a month) and asked me not to run away becasue he had told me.

 

at home my fears got worse and worse

i talked to a few friends and almost everybody was convinced that there was already somthing going on with another girl.

 

i asked him and he said no, nobody

i said i didnt believe him

 

we had a 3 hour conversation on skype and he told me a lot about his fears and concerns and his family issues.i asked him to fly in on fr but he didnt want to and said seeing each other would just be a band aid.

 

in the end he came, but only cause he thought he felt pressured to do this.

 

and we talked the whole weekend

 

and then some things slipped out of his mouth:

that he would only be looking at girls - but that there was one he had seen several times and that she would behave "different" in his presence.

he even remembered when he saw her for the first time

 

i asked: what if she gives you her number?

and he said: she is not going to give me her number

but what if?

then i maybe wouldnt delete it

 

reasons why he wants to be with me?

because im smart, educated, have a house, speak three languages, play the guitar, can knit and cook, snowboard and rockclimb...and yes he loves me

 

i was not sure if i should take that as an insult...

 

and then he said somthing pretty hurting:

sexually i wouldnt use all my female ressources and yes sex was ok, but it could get better

 

and then again he was super sweet and just wanted to hold me and told me he really loved me and asked me to trust him nad believe in him and gives this relationship a real chance.

 

the whole weekend was ups and downs like this...

 

does anyone here think i should take the risk???

its a hard decicion for me, i had the time of my life with this guy, but this now seems almost to big to swallow

 

thank you for reading through this loooooooooooong and maybe confusing post.

[Sanesoul]

Honestly, I wouldn't be able to trust him after he said he wasn't sure he could be in a monogamous relationship forever.

 

So basically if/when you catch him cheating he'll be like, "Well, I told you so."?

 

No thanks.