my fault he cheated? why???

[Suzanne1281]

Hello, I recently broke up with my boyfriend because he was sleeping with another girl (who i found out sleeps with a lot of guys). He denied it til the end and now his excuse is he "didn't sleep with her until after i broke up with him" (b.s). Here is my dilemma: I am a virgin and we were trying to have sex but I was taking my time with it. I simply did not trust him enough yet (we had been dating for 2 months) and simply was not ready. We would do other things that I know he enjoyed. At first he was fine with it: he said he was not with me for that and would not lie to me or f--- me over. He would say it was totally up to me and that he did not want to hurt me. He is a good-looking guy and a bartender in our college town and had plenty of chances to cheat and behaved for me. What I want to know is, is it my fault he cheated b/c I needed to go slow with the sex thing? We had only actually known each other for 2 months-I needed time to trust him first. I don't think I was being cold or unsatisfying-we did everything under the moon except for intercourse. I told him it would happen in time, that my body would stop holding back when the time was right and he seemed fine with it most of the time(sometimes, towards the end he would get frustrated if i wanted to stop b/c it hurt too much and sometimes would make references to how i wouldn't give it up). Please someone tell me it wasn't my fault. Please someone tell me he will realize what he lost when I found out he cheated and dumped him. Please someone tell me it will not work out with this girl who he wanted to have sex with but wanted to keep dating me.Why do people who cheat still want to stay with their mate? If they are not happy in the relationship, why not just be honest and get out of it!!! --Suzanne

[TearsofaDragon20]

you made the right move suzanne. you wanted to wait because you wanted the feeling to be right. no, it was never your fault at all. you are never to blame for his cheating. he made that choice and now he lost out on a wonderful girl. never feel that you have to be pressured into that. your a virgin this type of sexual step is a big one that a girl may be uneasy about. so no it was not your fault. you have my standing ovation and honor for what you did. think of it this way it's your decsion when you want to take that next step. you are a strong woman. take care.

[Gilgamesh]

Hello Suzanne

 

first off let me say you did nothing wrong ! you have the right to take all the time in the world,

 

If he really loved you and respected you, he would not pressure you into it, let alone blame you for his cheating, thats low.

 

Not all guys are the same Suzanne, , I dated my wife for 2 years before we got married, she was 32 and a virgin on our honeymoon night, we like you, did almost everything else, but i respected her wishes regarding sex because i loved her, there would be all the time for sex afterwards.

 

So dont let anyone pressure you, when you feel comfortable and you will be, when you find the right guy, then you can share in that special moment together.

 

Put you mind at ease, its not your fault, but definatly his loss for being impatient.

[SwingFox]

Hi Suzanne,

 

Welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us with your questions. I am sorry to read what happened to you and wish things would have gone as you planned.

 

I do agree with the previous posters that it in no way was YOUR fault. The first time is the most special time in your life and you better share that moment with someone that you totally trust and respect. There is NO need to rush things at all. You make love when YOU are ready for it.

 

As far as your second question is involved. Human beings are being funny. This guy obviously didn't know what he really wanted. It's entirely up to you if you will ever be able to trust him again. If you decide you would like to try with him again, things will take time and he does need to understand that. It will take time for you to fully trust him again. You said, though, that you dumped him and you sounded pretty sure about that. So, I guess that settles that

 

I wish you good luck.

 

~ SwingFox ~