how to get back an ex in a Long distance relationship

[lilyofthemount]

my ex and me broke up a month now .. we have not been in contact.. how much is the chances of getting back..is NC principle apply the same here or is there some consideration or exception to the rule.

[ToF]

I'd say there is no general rule, but NC is usually the best for the healing process.

 

If I may ask a few questions,

 

Who broke up with who? What was the reason for the breakup? How long were you together? And were you long distance the entire relationship?

[lilyofthemount]

i initiated the break up..he tried ask me if theres a way to work out.. i replied by drawing my line and kinda saying yes we could but ...and he got mad and text me and said ..its over... after a week we got calmer and then we both agreed its better to cut the relationship..we were entirely in a long distance relationship and he is going thru lot of issues...financialy and emotionally i believe.. he thought his divorce will be over by then but now he realise it will take longer than he expect.. we met during his divorce process and he was planning to relocate whre i live.. now he is confused...i believe he cares for me a lot.. he has proven that in some way but i am not sure now...he seem to become suddenly turn off his emotions towards me...at first i believe there is no third party.. but i am now having second thoughts...he is more than a talker than me and now he stop communicating.. i dont know the cahces of getting back.. if there is any

[ToF]

I'm sorry, second thoughts never feel good

 

Did you two ever meet in person?

 

If you're looking for someone to give you a specific answer about the chances of getting him back, no one will be able to do that for you.

 

I don't think it's impossible, and your chances may be improved a little because he was initially willing to work things out.

 

However ... You should understand that you probably really hurt him. Not to say that you aren't hurting too, but he probably needs some time to heal before you two even speak again, let alone talk about a reconciliation. And you do, too. If you go into this as a wounded, hurting ex-girlfriend, then nothing good will come of it. Getting back together is usually more successful when both people have healed from the break-up completely, and could live just fine without that person in their lives. It seems counter-intuitive, but you should be over him before you try to reconcile.

[lilyofthemount]

Yeah I think your right...i need to heal.. sometimes i miss him so much that i am so tempted to contact him but when i thought of him putting me in this painfull expereince i felt like i hate him i dont ever wanna look back.. its kinda like a roller coaster feeling...he said hurtfull things before he left. I knew i hurt him but he hurt me too. its been more than a month now since we break up...and we both have not contacted each other. i am thinking to send him "hi how are you doing email' after my busy schedule this month but should i send him or wait for him to initiate contact.. i dont know..

[ToF]

Trust me, I know how you feel. The roller coaster feeling is something most people go though, so you're not alone.

 

I think you're very strong for not contacting him. That takes a lot of willpower, especially since you miss him so much. But when it gets hard, just remind yourself that not talking to him is helping both of you heal. If you talk to him, it could go well, but chances are, you'd probably get into an argument since you're both still so hurt.

 

I'd wait on sending that message. Give it a month, like you said. If you still want to do it, then maybe send it. The anger/hatred that you feel should be gone before you message him again. If it's not, then I would wait until it is before you make contact.

[lilyofthemount]

thanks a lot twist.. at least i get more strenght and encoragement from you.. i let you know how the outcome of this.. maybe you wanted to know more details by seeing all my post and you can analise more the situation..

[ToF]

You welcome That's what we're all here for!

 

Yes, I'd really like to know what happens. You can always private message me if you'd like, any time you want to talk.

 

I'll go back and read some of the other things you've posted. I'm glad you're feeling better

[ToF]

P.S. I just read the good-bye letter he sent to you.

 

To be completely honest, I think he wants to move on. I think he wants you to move on as well. It sounds like he is finished and trying to start a new chapter in his life, and you should do the same.

 

This is not your fault, just to clarify. He said a lot about you holding on too tightly, but that is a very common thing. I was guilty of it myself.

 

He wants the best for both of you, and to achieve that he has left.

[lilyofthemount]

there are some more issues you need to know... he is truly in a deep hole regarding his divorce,,,and his frustrations of moving to where i live is frustatrting him a lot.. there is a girl who seem to be in real need of comapny but seem to be in denial of her feelings toward her.. and i think that is the start of the the breaking up...she keep bugging him and he keep telling me..paid for everything in thier dates..and yet my ex swear nothing between them will happen.. he wants me to accept that he can dAte while i stay as girlfriend he dont want to lose me yet he need real person to interact with i said i have no problem with that as long as it is not exclusively one person.. i drew my line that it will not going to happen.. then he suggest we if we could be freinds and i said i cant be a girlfriend in a shelve while waiting for him to come to me.. he then get upset how i cant handle situation and go on and make that good bye letter but i did send him first my goodbye letter.. he was waiting if i can wait twist my role and conform to bis.. i went to the point of saying ok..lets work this out again and start from scratch,,but he choose not tosay anything then i give my ultimatum saying i get the message.. it is over.. and then he replied with that goodbye letter.. i have an idea he is checking me with different yahoo ids.. seems he still interested of what i am going thru,, i put all those id in invisible mood.. at first he tried to contact in different name.. i caught it immediately.. so well.. i guess this is it.. only the future can till whats in store for us

[ToF]

This is not an easy conclusion to come to, so I'm sorry you're probably hurting a lot right now

 

My advice to you, is to do your best to forget about getting back together with him. Do not even think about it as an option. I get the feeling that you need to be single for a while, so you can let all this settle and try to work it out.

 

Then I think you should date and have fun. Hopefully this experience has taught you a lot about yourself. If it hasn't, then maybe the healing process will. I know that's how it worked out for me. After I was really hurt, I took a lot of time to reflect (and I still am reflecting), and I've learned a lot about myself, what I want, DON'T want, and what a relationship means to me. It also taught me not to hold on so tight to people, which seems like a problem for you as well.

 

Just hang in there. It might not be easy, but just give it some time. I'm here if you want to talk.