What do you do if you have feelings for a guy, and he doesnt?

[justagirl09]

I have been seeing this guy off and on for about a year. We were exclusively seeing each other for about 7 months, but i caught him in some lies, and he wouldnt commit, so i cut him off. A couple months pass by, and we started hooking up off and on, and i thought i could handle it. I handled it well for a while. Until lately, when we get together i started becoming closer. I dont know it kind of hit rock bottom tonight. He said i was acting all serious, etc. I cant help how i feel. I just dont know what to do because i have been so upset all night, and he wont return my texts now. I have feelings for him, i cant help how i act. The thought of him never talking to me ever again breaks my heart, but can i really even talk to him how i feel? I knew i was gonna get hurt, but i continued to see him. For me, it wasnt just sex, i had some real feelings for him, and now my heart has been broken again.

[Puddincup]

I'm sorry you are feeling so lousy tonight. I know where you're at and it's not a good feeling. First you have a relationship and then it is downgraded to FWB although one of you really doesn't want that. At that point, it's going to be a downward spiral. FWB only works when both people are on the same page and that doesn't happen often. Usually one person wants more and they use this method as a way to get more but it doesn't seem to work.

 

If I were your friend, I would advise you to stop seeing him altogether. You said you caught himin some lies and he wouldn't commit. These are big red flags. Do you really want to be with a liar and commitment-phobe? I know you have feelings for him so maybe you are not ready to see this truth yet but deep down you know this is true because you put it in your post. It is hard when our hearts tell us one thing and our head tells us another. Trust your head though. The head is the smart one. Turn the situation around: he has lost a great woman because he is being immature. You deserve better than someone like him and he was lucky you were willing to see him. Now you are no longer available to him at his whim. He was not giving you what you wanted so be practical: it wouldn't work and you potentially would sink into more and more desperate behavior. Don't do it. Let it go. Be sad but know in your heart that it is better to know his intentions now and get out now. There are other people out there who would be a better fit for you. You just have to find them, and you will when you let go of this guy and go off looking for what you deserve.

[justagirl09]

Thank you. Its just hard because even though i keep settling for his breadcrumbs, in my mind i kept doing it, because to see him like that was better than not seeing him at all. In reality, why would he commit if i will just keep seeing him when he wants, and on his terms? he is having his cake and eating it too.

[absinthe]

You said it justagirl, now hold onto those thoughts because they're true. Do you really want to be with someone who thinks so little of you? I'm not saying that he thinks ill of you but that he doesn't view you as someone to commit to, whether he's not ready to commit to anyone or that it's you, specifically.

 

Better to walk away with your head held high, rather than allow someone else's neglect, erode on your self-esteem even further.

[justagirl09]

Thank you. I never realized that it would mess my self esteem up so much. I thought i could just play it cool, and have fun or whatever. But it makes you second guess everything. Why you arent good enough to be committed to, etc. Well, if i am good enough to sleep with, then i am good enough to commit to. He just wants everything his way. Well, its better to not see him and keep my eyes open for someone who will sweep me off my feet. Just havent met him yet.