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Dating is FRUSTRATING!

Bergamot

By Bergamot
in Dating Advice

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Bergamot Apprentice

Bergamot

Posted
Posted

Just last week I had a coffee date with a girl I met online. I was not that attracted to her but wanted to see her in person at least once. She initiated contact with me, I responded, we had email exchanges immediately, and she asked to meet for coffee. In short everything went so smoothly. The date was nice as well but unfortunately I was not attracted to her and I did not contact her after the date.

 

Right after this another girl initiated contact with me from the same site. The major difference this time is that I find this girl very attractive. She looks great in both her photos. I very happily responded. But guess what? The whole thing is just so slow. I wrote her an email, no response, sent her a message via the site, no response as of yet. It is really frustrating to have this happen. With the girl I did not find attractive things went so well but with this girl NOTHING seems to happen. Things seem to move at snail pace ](*,)

 

Why does it have to be hard and frustrating?? Sorry just felt like venting!

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ImNotYourBabe Collaborator

ImNotYourBabe

Posted
Posted

I used to be a lot like you....sometimes I am but now I'm just looking at all the dates I get from the site as fun. If something comes out of it great, if not its okay and I learn a bit more about what I like each time and what I am looking for in a person and I also get to have a fun night out on the town.

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Rouge Newbie

Rouge

Posted
Posted

It is very frustrating at times... I feel that it may be the difference between being attracted to one and not the other. You view the situations totally differently (perception). You want it and you want it yesterday with one and the other you really don't care. I know I do.. It seems that when I'm not interested in a guy, the contact seems to be instantaneous where its just the opposite if I am and seems to take forever.

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adamt Explorer

adamt

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Posted

yes online dating is very frustrating. people can be very fickle and suddenlly stop responding to anotehr person.(i'm guilty as much as people have done it to me)

 

i've been on about 7 dates recently. 1st one went on 2 dates, got on really well but i had no attraction. i didnt chase up with her. 2nd one was stunning , date went well. we agreed to meet up after xmas holidays. i mailed her she never read my mail. 3rd one she said to email her for a 2nd date, she responded and said she had a great time and in a week she would get back to me after a holiday but she never did. another one, we both kind of knew there was no attraction. so didnt take it further. latest one hardly wrote much when we first started chatting but she was happy to go on a date. in the process of sorting out a 2nd date but its going slow and she seems "busy". i've left the ball in her court to get back to me. give her the benefit of doubt

 

other women have initiated contact and sent emails but not replies when i responded. others got bored of me or i got bored of them. online dating seems very fickle. i think people quickly chop and change who they are talking to. got to the point where after 3 replies i will just ask them out. got 100% success rate. to be honest i dont really take into account what they write, i just base it on that they still seem interested after a few replies.

 

some have added me back but not responded to my mail. i'm guessing they get a lot of attention and so can cherry pick who they talk to

 

currently mailing someone else online, probably ask her out after her next reply. i'm just slowing it down waiting to see if the other one gets back to me.

 

i now see online first date as a pre-date date. kind of selection process for an interview after having your cv picked out.

 

i just work on percentages now, add anyone i think looks nice and worry about what to write if they show interest. sounds very shallow but i think thats the nature of online dating.

 

i never add someone who just has one picture or just head shots, or a girl who has different haircolours. or one where she looks different sizes on different pictures.

 

think you have to be thick skinned and dont take things personal

 

another issue is are they dating other people at the same time? i ask them how they are finding the website. gives a good idea. most cases i assume in my head that they are multidating until i managed to get date no 3

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Clarity Enthusiast

Clarity

Posted
Posted

Get used to it, that's the only advice I have

 

Another poster was dead on when they said you should look at anything you get from online dating as a bonus.

 

Another thing you'll notice is that sometimes you'll have nothing for weeks and then, when it rain, it pours, and you'll be trying to juggle dates with 3-5 women in a week. Not as fun as it sounds, mind you.

 

Just be patient, keep your life busy so you're only checking the online site once a day at most.

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adamt Explorer

adamt

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Posted

Bergamot, isnt it funny how on a date one person thinks things went well but the other person wasnt attracted. I've been on both sides in recent months.

 

I went out with a girl thinking I just wanted to be friends. we had a great night chatting. but i only ever wanted it to be as friends but i got the impression later that she wanted someemthing a bit more. ie. she text me after the date on way home sayuing she had a great time and should do it again then was pretty keen to go out again. i've decided to take a step back cos i dont want it to go further than friends. she is probably wondering why i have gone cold after we got on so well.

 

samething happened with me with someone else but she made a move on me after a few drinks. it must be because when you re not attracted to someone you relax and not as concerned about what you say so you comne accross more chatty with a better personality. A few times in the past i've become attracted to someone after talking to them a few times with no nerves then finding out they like me. then i get nervous on the date!

 

Then with 3 online dates i've been on the receiving end of it. I felt the dates went well, i initiated meeting for a 2nd date and they were happy to go on 2nd dates but the 2nd dates never materialised..then i wondered why they went cold on me

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adamt Explorer

adamt

Posted
Posted
Trust me, it is better to get a few dates that go somewhere instead of lot of dates that go nowhere!

 

it's hard to not lose confidence after a couple of knock backs with 1st dates that you thought went well. It's as if as soon as you start thinking about ideas for 2nd dates they lose interest. I've had 3 that were happy to go on 2nd dates but then they lost interest before the 2nd date happened. either they were just being polite or someone else comes on the scene and they jump ship. I just wish people were more straight, if they didnt fancy a 2nd date in the first place then just be honest with me and say that you dont want to take it further! With the last girl i sent her a mail saying i had a great time and hope she did too and let me know if you fancy a 2nd date. So i gave her the opportunity to not respond if she wasnt interested. she responded and said a 2nd date would be good. so you build your hopes up then things just slow down and fizzle out. thats frustrating!

 

well last night a girl asked me if i fancied a date on sunday, so i'll give it a go. try my best not to build my hopes up if it goes well! maybe its my turn to be the one who isnt interested and she is..online dating is just so fickle.

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