Counselling?

[SeekingWisdom]

I'm fairly fresh out of an abusive situation. I've always been so independent that I'd never have considered a counselor before. But now I'm thinking I could use some professional help getting past some of the things that happened. I'm feeling much better about life and slowly I'm gaining some of my old self back. I just feel like theres a wall or something inside my head that I can't get past. I don't know how to describe it better than that.

 

My question is to anyone who tried counselling after getting out of their own situation. Did it help? I only know one person whose ever gone to a counselor and he didn't think it helped at all but his situation was completely different. And also, was it difficult to open up about what happened to a complete stranger? Obviously it's much easier to post about it on the internet because you have that level of anonymity and don't have to look the person your talking to in the face as you divulge painful and embarassing memories.

 

Thank you to anyone who has any insights for me. I really appreciate it.

[BIGIDFSH]

Yes, I highly recommend counseling. I think my counselor saved my life or at least my sanity. Basically she pretty much "de-programmed" me from the mental state my abusive ex put me in. She helped me understand the feelings I was going through and gave me the tools, resources, and encouragement to get my life back. I know family, friends and advice from other people who've been through is helpful, but a counselor trained and educated in counseling domestic violence victims can be much more helpful. I told her things that I didn't think I'd EVER tell anyone. Since I went through this I have talked and met a lot of other women/men who have been in abusive relationships and I can really tell a difference between those who went through counseling and those who did not.

 

Don't think of talking to a counselor as talking or "airing out your dirty laundry" to a stranger. Think of it as talking to someone who understands, who will not judge you and who would never betray your trust. A person you can be completely honest with without worrying about consequences.

 

Now not all counselors are equal. Sometimes it may take a few to find the right one for you. If you go and see someone and you don't like them don't be afraid to go to someone else. I know this sounds like a pain, but my counselor was the third one I saw. It's your therapy and your recovery so make sure you find the right person for you.

 

Good luck and I am so happy that you got out. A wonderful life is ahead of you now. It may get hard at times, but hang in there, the hardest part is leaving and you've already made it that far. *hugs*

[CallingAllAngels]

I spent 12 years in both an emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive marriage. I found out that, for years, he also had been cheating on me with COMPLETE strangers he met on the Internet...woman who's first names he did not even know. Just for sex he said...he didn't think it was "that big of a deal because it didn't mean anything."

 

After leaving him, and getting tested for every STD out there, including HIV (all which came back negative, thank God, because he didn't bother to wear a condom) I DID get counseling. Thankfully, we are now Divorced.

 

I can tell you that it was VERY helpful. HOWEVER, it's important that you find the RIGHT therpist...one that you "fit" with. This is NOT always easy, and may take a few attempts. But once you find the right "fit" for you (and YOU WILL), it can, and WILL change your life for the better.

 

I wish you the very best, and do keep us posted on how you make out.

 

~Allie

[Shortpants]

Yes, I actually continued counseling after I left my husband, who was emotionally abusive throughout our 7 year marriage. We went to a husband and wife team of therapists for marriage counceling, and I continued to see the female for a few sessions after we decided divorce was our course of action. She really helped get my mind back where it needed to be, and get my life back on track.

I think finding the right therapist is paramount in what kind of success you have. I really liked both the male and female therapist and that made it alot easier to open up to them. I can see not getting much from it if you don't "jive" with the person you are talking to. It may mean switching until you find the right one, but if you are going to invest the time and money, it might as well be worth it.

Good luck, keep your head up and stay strong!