Need to Vent a wee bit..

[paulod]

Helloo..

Sunday night and I'm just sitting here, so much stuff spinning around my head about my ex, been like it all week, why oh why did we have to meet up week before last?? did not do me any favours at all!!

 

Been 9 days of no contact...I've slipped twice, last Monday night (txt,see how she was doing and give her an update on what's happening with selling the house...long story that one, it's all in my first post on here) and Thursday (txt, to say hello and hope she is doing okay) no contact whatsoever, last saw her week past friday, when we'd met up for a chat, she looked stressed and tired that day, but we'd left each other on good terms said we'd speak later on...then nothing!! so I'm back to square one, my emotions are doing overtime again, been very sad, a bit tearful, walking around in a daze again, now I'm angry??

 

I'm angry/upset at me for not telling the truth at the beginning of our relationship

I'm angry/upset at me for hitting the bottle to deal with stress and being a drunken idiot with her (what was I thinking?)

I'm angry/upset at me for not being stronger

I'm angry/upset at me that I'm such an emotional wreck

I'm angry/upset that we've split when the worst was behind us

I'm angry/upset at my ex for giving up on us

I'm angry/upset that she's is hot then cold with me

I'm angry/upset that there is no definite YES (give me time to clear my head) or NO (sorry that's it, we are done, do not contact me ever again)

 

And I'm angry/upset that she still loves me (txt me 2 weeks ago) but can't trust me due to all the things that happened and I didn't trust her (drunken stress time) so she became bitter and angry with the drunken things I said and disgusted with the way she retaliated instead of rising above it....

 

I guess I'm just very emotional again, I try and stay positive, look at the upside (no arguing about my past, not stressing each other out) try and get on with my life, improve myself, improve my life but it's so hard to stay upbeat, especially as the only memories I have going on in my head are good memories of us! where have all the bad times gone?? why can't I remember those to make my life easier???

 

Vent over...

Sorry..