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hey im new to this forum and have read alot of people break ups and getting back together, some of you people give really good advice and its seem very usefull. i would appreciate it if you took the time to read my story and give advice on what is possibly best for me to do now please.

 

I met this girl 2 months before she went of to UNI. we slowly became attracted to each other, when she went of to UNI i was invited to see her there... 2 weeks later (2 and a half months overall) she wanted to make it official we were a couple and also on the DEVIL facebook! we eventually told each other we love each other about 3 months down the line i think.

 

i mostly travelled down to see her every 2 weeks for the weekends, an average assumption. we dated for about 17 months overall.... and then the break up slowly started to happen! i didnt see it coming but it became obvious after finding out and realising how ive been acting towards her......

 

she came down to see me and talked to me FEB 5th and we both got upset and she came to the assumption it might have to end as we previosuly disscued things a day before and i felt akward when she came down... she went back to UNI that night.. 2 days later it really happened!. i appeared needy and weak that day and we both got upset again.... next day i apoagised for acting that way and said i respect her descision, we text back and forth a bit then it stopped... the 1st weekend of the break came and she rang me to see how i was..... i said i was fine just keeping myself busy and stuff was about a 45 min convo also we spoke on msn later that day, she said "you have been my best friend for 17 months, i still want to be your friend" i said something on the lines of im not sure, my feelings for you are more than that it just seems difficult and will hurt"

 

2nd weekend of the break was a big oh no from me. yes i got DRUNK and her friend from UNI was down where i was clubbing and was like she "LOVES YOU blah blah and rang her!", my ex talked to me on the phone, i was upset and overwhelmed as people were on my case about it..it wasnt cool especially as my ex said in ac alm collected manner "i thought you was fine...... ill ring you tomorrow"

 

VALENTINES DAY FEB 14th.. the next big oh no my friend made me go down and see her with him in his car and i did and i gave her the valentines card i was making ](*,) she wasnt happy! and also for the fact i was there, but we talked she didnt invite me in or anything. but she said shes just emotionally detached herself from me and she looked like she really didnt want to get upset to me! she kept looking away. on msn later that day i said "i didnt realise you did want me to come down i was foolish and i sorry for giving you the card was selfish of me".. she forgave me and we tlaked..... eventually she said "i just dont think were right for each other" and also said the dreaded "i love you but im not in love with you" i told her im sorry for making her feel this way and we both agree maybe its best with give each other space, and then she said she would ring me next week!

 

next week no call. FEB 23th came and has been NC since, i decided to text her

 

"hey was just thinking of you, sorry this txt is late, at work doing night shifts really lame. was wandering if you want to cath up! call me"

 

she replied "sorry i would speak on msn but laptop is bust trying to get it fixed! hope your all good!"

 

i replied "im fine thanks, no problem maybe we could catch up some other time. im bust atm, hope your all good too and UNI is going well"

 

from here and to the next time contact is made again, ill fill you in on some things.... when we offcialy broke up she seemed content to remove the relationship of facebook and remove the update status as she didnt want people asking or commenting on it, also she did it on my profile first so it looked like i broke up with her!? we are still freinds on facebook aswell.. any thoughts on that from people good or bad?

 

i did stalking for a bit on facebook which i shouldnt of have as it doesent help you heal at all! and discovered a horrible finding a wall post to one of her freinds thats not on my freinds list that she has "a new lovely super bf" i noticed this post about 2 weeks after we officaly broke up! FEB 27th maybe a rebound relationship, i dont know? all i know is... it isnt official on facebook yet (but she is married to her flat mate on facebook and apparently it is a LENT promise...so it expires soon i believe?, lets see if she makes her new bf official after LENT?) he is at UNI with her they have been freinds for about a year or more, not close freinds tho and he suported her during our rough patches at the end of our relationship, he dresses kind of simlar to me, looks like me a bit, same hair and some of the same mannerisms as me haha whats that mean? ...... no one has told me not even my ex that she has a new bf

 

MARCH 10th she iniates convo with me on msn, its her bday today! she apolagises for lack of communication as her laptop was wiped of viruses, which it was as she talked about it when i was facebook stalking her..i say its fine dont worry.....we talk she ask about my new job ( i spoke to her sister 2 weeks prior on facebook and told her sister about my new job) and how college is i reply with the same questions and she finsished the convo with "i have to go prepare, i have guests coming round soon take care xx"

 

next day she sends me a txt "thank you for the card x" i sent her a simple card wishing her a happy bday saying "stay splendid and take care!" and my name at the bottom..... obviously i havent replied at all

 

so thats it really and NC since then... thank you for reading this, it is long... oh and if this is important we both lost our virginty together and its the first time we have ever said i love you to some one and..been in love! and that bring us up to date....if people have suggestions on what i should do or how i should approach this now would be appreciated. thank you

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She said she loves you but not in love with you, and she has "a new lovely super bf". I think nothing gets the message accross louder than that. She doesn't want a relationship with you anymore and being each others' first will not change anything, this coming from someone who learnt the hard way.

 

I think you should block her from facebook or give it up altogether. "Stalking" her will not do you any good. You're eventually going to find out things that will hurt you, like her posting lovey-dovey pictures of herself with her new guy. So yes, I think NC will do you a world of good. Hugs and good luck.

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oh yes i havent looked at her facebook for a good 2 or 3 weeks. yeah i saw that post to one of her freinds which isnt a friend of mine and he was a guy, i really want to know for sure tho if she has a bf or not, should i ask in a mature way and wish her the best?....you really think blocking her or deleting her is a mature thing to do?

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i did stalking for a bit on facebook which i shouldnt of have as it doesent help you heal at all! and discovered a horrible finding a wall post to one of her freinds thats not on my freinds list that she has "a new lovely super bf" i noticed this post about 2 weeks after we officaly broke up!

 

Two weeks is pretty quick, could it be that she had something with this guy longer than that? In other words: could she have cheated on you?

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Two weeks is pretty quick, could it be that she had something with this guy longer than that? In other words: could she have cheated on you?

 

yeah about 2 or 3 weeks they hooked up...i dont know, i really dont think she would do that to me. when we was "breaking up" but not officialy just yet she text me when we was txting on and off and shesaid she would never cheat on me with lots of xxxxxx's...shes not that type of girl i think.

 

they hardly never hung out was only alot more when we was breaking up.. think she just fell for him possibly.

 

anyway its been 2 weeks NC, 3 weeks if you dont count the birthday card i sent. i have also deactivated my facebook account...too much hassle blocking news feed for som many people

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At first you did a ton of bad things. Being too clingy, needy, AVAILABLE! I'm sure you've read a lot and the best thing is to graceful bow out and give them all the space in the world.

 

Here's something positive to focus on in terms of the possible rebound; I think it's safe to call him that. He's a friend who you say she confided in about your relationship and is similar to you in a lot of ways. This along with her having that feeling of a void is what's drawing her to him. As much as you might think it's all over and done with and might do some things like try to find out what she/they're doing or desperately reaching out to her, believe me, RESIST THE URGE. Go complete NC, don't worry about how that affects her. It isn't fair of her to expect you to remain in contact while you're suffering.

 

As for the facebook stuff... I wouldn't give it a second thought. She did what she did so it makes her look innocent. Remember, facebook skews reality. Reality isn't a page on a website. It's edited and orchestrated. I know for a fact my ex's fling is not looking so hot anymore. He's tried to contact me twice this week and flat out said to a mutual friend that he's not happy with her and wants to come back. Yet on good 'ol facebook they're still a couple and she's still posting how much she loves him according to a friend. It doesn't show the bad, only the select good moments they choose to broadcast. Keep that in mind.

 

It's been 3 months since he left me for her,(and he only knew her for a couple days) one month NC.

 

Best advice: NC and focus on yourself. Let her new thing carry on without you and if/when she contacts you and, like me, if/when says things to make you believe she wants to come back then go from there. Take this time to seriously reflect on your life and your relationship. You might come to the conclusion like I have that they have many faults that you're no longer willing to overlook PLUS her seeing someone else so quickly. There's a lot to be fixed. I think the most obvious thing to do is go NC and take time for yourself and only yourself.

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thank you. yes what you said about him is fully correct, really does suck tho tbh. do you think that for the fact they can see each other when they want, where as i could only see her at the weekend as it was LDR will play a big part in maybe making there relationship more successfull? and she will forget about me more?

 

besides yes NC.. she has my msn but if she talks to me what do you think is the best way to respond to her now? should i tell her i want her to be happy and wish her the best

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