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Where do you go from here?


LLammas

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My boyfriend and I had been seeing each other for around 8 months. We'd been friends for eleven years, dated briefly in high school, and to be honest, I thought this was IT. We were close, talked about everything. We both agreed not to move quickly, and he said he didn't want to get into anything too serious too fast. All of this was fine with me.

 

Three months in, he told me he still thought of me as a friend, but we could still date casually. Shortly after, he apologized for the incident and blamed it on his being off his medication for a few weeks (he has severe bipolar disorder). Things picked up, and we were happy.

 

At least, I thought we were. We had lots of big plans for the upcoming weeks, and he had even had me book a hotel for a party on the 27th. Then today, he texts me and tells me we're "just friends" and he can't see me as anything more.

 

Of course, this is heartbreaking for me. I don't know whether to calm down and figure it's another bout of depression talking or to hate him for leading me on. He begged me to stay friends and said he wants me in his life, but for now I'm going completely NC to avoid anything worse happening.

 

To be honest, I don't think I can be "just friends" with him again. So what do I do? Does it sound like he's having another cycle, or has he really seen me as nothing more than a friend with benefits for all this time>

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Hi LLammas,

 

That's a tough situation you're going through there and although not quite the same as mine current predicament, there are some similarities.

 

Loving someone with emotional issues such as bipolar disorder or indeed straight depression is a very hard job and at times can be excruciatingly painful. It is often impossible for someone dealing with their issues to cope with a romantic relationship, no matter how much they want to try (as is the case with my boyfriend/ex-boyfriend). I know in my case, that the man I love has (at least in part) put our relationship on ice because he is scared that he will only cause me more pain by attempting to carry on a relationship when he isn't able to.

 

Could this be the case with your chap at all?

 

I think it's very possible he is having another cycle (of course, I cannot know that for sure though and it would be wise not to assume that he is for your own sake), but he will almost certainly continue to have these cycles indefinitely, and it's important for you to think very carefully about whether you can and want to handle that on an ongoing basis, whether you decide to be friends or anything more than friends...

 

I know it's hard, but I think NC is the best way to go right now. Will let you both figure what you really want.

 

Take care of yourself,

 

MB

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