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I'd like some opinions.


IGlareOften

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Do you think it's possible for a couple to go through a lot of issues..and still end up together? Most specifically. Could a could get engaged, end the engagement and a year later end their relationship. Have a tumultuous couple of years. Then finally settle into a good friendship. Could those people end up together?

 

Purely hypothetical, of course.

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Sure, anything can happen. Right now I'm in a situation where I hope I end up with a long time guyfriend who's attracted to me but for now just wants a friendship (he got hurt terribly in his last relationship). Most people would say dump him, but the reason I won't? Because of other situations I know:

 

Case one, I know someone who met a guy and on their first date he told he didn't want anything more than a friendship (he was coming out of a bad marriage). She was sad but she felt he was the one. People told her to dump him and she refused. They have now been married 23 years and have 2 daughters.

 

Case two: my parents. Yep, my parents dated on and off for years. My dad would get weird and dump my mother. My mother would date others and he realized he loved her. They've been married 41 years.

 

Case three: my brother and sister in law. They broke up many times and became friends I forget how many times. Then as friends they moved in together. While living together they realized they are meant to be together, got engaged, married and have now been married 10 years with a baby daughter.

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Yes. See, that's why I'm not giving up on the guy I want. Sure, right now he doesn't want anything but a friendship because he's hurting (he's attracted to me) but who knows in 6 months? People change, especially if they meet the right one and the timing is right.

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Sometimes people need to date around and see what's out there in order to figure out what qualities they do and do not want in a relationship. That's how I reflect on past relationships...I recognize traits in each guy that I've dated that I want/don't want in my next relationship, and I feel like my choice in guys has improved since I first started dating (of course, so has my maturity and the maturity of the guys I date.)

 

AND I think sometimes you meet the right person but the timing is off. You're not mature enough, or not looking for a relationship, or focusing on a career...but then later in life, timing clicks and so does the relationship.

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AND I think sometimes you meet the right person but the timing is off. You're not mature enough, or not looking for a relationship, or focusing on a career...but then later in life, timing clicks and so does the relationship.

 

I hope this is the situation in my life. We met 15 years ago when I was leaving an emotionally abusive live in boyfriend. He wanted a serious relationship, but I didn't. Plus, I was very immature to boot and mean to him. We recently reconnected in January, felt sparks again, but now he's scared of a relationship because in 2006-2007 he got used by a gold digger. I'd love a relationship, but I have serious financial issues (looking for a new job or going back to school to change careers) and a serious relationship couldn't be something I could deal with now. Not to mention that he lives an hour away (but I plan to move around there if I get a job because he lives near many jobs). I still wonder if we were meant to be together because we did find each other again (both of us were searching) by accident. Right now we are friends.

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Do you think it's possible for a couple to go through a lot of issues..and still end up together?

Yes. If those issues are worked out.

 

Most specifically. Could a could get engaged, end the engagement and a year later end their relationship.

No. I'm not that kind of person. It would end.

 

Have a tumultuous couple of years. Then finally settle into a good friendship. Could those people end up together?

Depends on the individual and the situation. I did not have a pleasant experience for a friendship to build with my former fiancee.

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Is it possible? Sure. Probably the biggest success or failure factor in a relationship is whether or not those two people are on enough compatible wavelengths on key issues and whether they grow in similar ways together over the length of the relationship.

 

If you're not at one point, that doesn't necessarily mean it's not possible later. But then again, when some people move on, they move completely on and there's no hope of getting that feeling back.

 

Who knows?

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